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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want to have sex without getting terrible cystitis?!

95 replies

yellowbelliedcreature · 08/07/2020 03:27

DH and I TTC #2 so every month we’re going at it like rabbits at the right time. For the last four months I’ve ended up with awful, agonising cystitis every single month and only antibiotics will shift it (and then I get thrush). Just woke up with that horrible stinging sensation and I’m so fucking FED UP. Sad

Have always been prone to it and a urologist years and years ago told me to take an antibiotic every time I had sex. This, along with lifestyle changes detailed below, really reduced the number I got. However can’t find a GP who will prescribe this for me now as they’re all worried about antibiotic resistance, plus I worry about the wisdom of taking an antibiotic seven days in a row. Don’t know why I worry when I’m having to take a full course monthly anyway Hmm. Urine samples never seem to show any bacterial growth but I’ll drop one in to GP today anyway.

I also
*Take D Mannose - hoped this would be a miracle this month but no
*Wash before and after sex, DH showers immediately before, and always wee afterwards (prob not helping TTC Sad)
*Avoid thongs and tight jeans etc
*Cranberry does nothing
*Drink loads of water
*Take probiotics
*Never use perfumed body wash and don’t use any soap around my vulva, just hot water

I know there are much worse things in the world at the moment so don’t want to sound self pitying but just can’t go through this every month, I feel so sad.

Going to call GP when they open and beg for help.

Off to sit on loo and cry Sad

OP posts:
NoisyNeighours · 08/07/2020 13:47

I hate to say it, but I had an ex who rubbed me up the wrong way, so to speak, so I had cystitis for 2.5 years. Since we split, and I met my now-DH, I've never had it once. We just did not fit right

And exactly HOW is this helpful? Hmm

Should OP leave her DH for a smaller penis“better fit”?

FWIW for me, and I’m sure many others, it happens regardless of partner. It’s just the way our bodies are.

SqidgeBum · 08/07/2020 13:52

I cant help for suggestions about how to combat this now, but I just want to give you some hope. I was exactly like you. I did everything uoj are doing to combat my cystitis. I was TTC DC1 for a year and I had one infection after another. It was horrific. I had to keep taking so much sick leave from work because I couldn't leave the toilet until I could get some antibiotics after having unprotected sex.

When it came to TTC DC2, I thought 'here we go again'. But strangely, it just never happened. I think having DC1 changed something in that region. Now I can have unprotected sex with no consequences! It's like a miracle to me. I really hope you find the same happens to you and you conceive soon. Best of luck!! Flowers

Mumtobe241 · 08/07/2020 15:26

I really feel for you as I had the same problem when I was younger. What solved it for me was changing the way we had sex - more foreplay and making sure we didn't go for PIV too soon (lube helps too). This also meant we ended up having PIV sex for less time overall, which helped as I was less sore afterwards. That, along with peeing, washing etc seemed to solve it for me and now I only get it once in a blue moon... Good luck OP

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 08/07/2020 15:37

Apparently a vaccine for this could easily be developed. But no one has bothered because it’s not big enough news.

KaronAVyrus · 08/07/2020 15:43

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince

Apparently a vaccine for this could easily be developed. But no one has bothered because it’s not big enough news.
Doesn’t surprise me - more money to be made in OTC treatments that kind of (ish) work.
Original poster
yellowbelliedcreature · 09/07/2020 08:24

Okay have ordered an arsenal of bladder-friendly supplements... and have also emailed Professor Malone-Lee’s clinic. He no longer takes new patients but his clinicians do, so I might give it a go and treat it as my birthday/Christmas present this year!! Still in agony down below so hopefully ABs kick in soon. Thanks again all xx

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 09/07/2020 10:31

I hate to say it, but I had an ex who rubbed me up the wrong way, so to speak, so I had cystitis for 2.5 years. Since we split, and I met my now-DH, I've never had it once.

Yes, hard pill to swallow but true for some as it was for me. There are some people who will suffer this no matter the partner, with all of them. Then others like yourself and I where it is definitely partner specific and nothing either one does can rectify it. Trust me, I treated people for a living. Had easy access to tertiary consultants. Absolutely nothing worked. Except new partners.

SidVisk · 29/10/2020 21:44

@yellowbelliedcreature has you had any improvement with this?

camperjam · 29/10/2020 21:59

I had the same treatments as Luckingfovely so definitely see a urologist.
I was so so down about it, I thought I would have it for the rest of my life.
When I finally became pregnant and gave birth it went away for good, I don't know if the stretching down there helped but my urologist thought that it would and he was right.
Good luck, it's fucking miserable so I do feel sorry for you

pawsies · 29/10/2020 22:02

Hiprex has helped me a lot. Not cured it but has helped. The only thing that has worked so far.

Got it prescribed by Harley st UTI clinic (professor Malone Lee).

Definitely try that on your journey with this horrible condition.

blueskywhy · 29/10/2020 22:15

It seems like you are doing all the right things...and more!! It must be very frustrating.

On a purely practical level, can you do more of the preparation work outside? and just the final delivery inside? Reduced internal time friction might help, or give you a few more attempts? Not as much fun ... but ... might help get what you both want

HazelBite · 29/10/2020 22:24

One thing that helped me was giving up caffeine, had to give it up for something else unrelated, but I realised that attacks were only one or two a year.
I joined the dots when I read in a newspaper a study had been done (in Germany I think?) that showed giving up caffeine had a positive effect on women who had a tendency to cystitis.

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/10/2020 23:12

if it works I’ll do anything! I went down the same route as you, all the usual pain, blood in urine etc. You say urine samples never show any bacterial growth, so there is the possibility that it's irritation not infection. I was referred to the genitourinary clinic, where I was asked to do a fortnight's trial of no caffeine (no tea or coffee), no alcohol and no chocolate - all things that can inflame the bladder and urethra. To my fury, it worked, and I haven't had an attack for at least three years. I do occasionally have a glass of wine, but I've stayed completely clear of tea and coffee, and assuaged my desire for bitter things with tonic water and grapefruit.

YellowBeryl1 · 29/10/2020 23:34

I had this with my previous partner. He was...quite well endowed and I got an infection pretty much every time we had sex. One of the positive outcomes of splitting up was that I have had sex with several partners since, some I've seen for over a year, and I've never got cystitis!

Sorry that doesnt help if you like your dh!

blueskywhy · 30/10/2020 07:40

To clarify, our method of doing the final part only inside mentioned above, was not directly to cystitis (which I sometimes do get, but am normally very careful like OP) however it worked when TTC.

Our situation was we were engaged with a fertility clinic early stages, pre IVF discussion. At that time DH had an accident (arm in cast, bad knee injury) that limited his movement, and so we improvised. It felt very functional, but I did my best to keep it interesting. TMI ... but after DH did his bit, pillow to keep my pelvic area tilted up, finish myself off and then wait a while browsing MN on phone :)

Cautionsharpblade · 30/10/2020 08:15

I had this for years and my top tip is to avoid oral sex

TakeUsHome · 30/10/2020 11:13

Seems like OP is doing all the right things. I've used a checklist from here before: www.healthline.com/health/uti-after-sex#prevention

For me frequency of intercourse is sometimes the trigger. Which of course is really difficult for OP when TTC. Lots of people I know have experienced this at different times, I don't think it is taken seriously enough! (but I do understand the concern about antibiotics and resistance, but surely TTC is a special case)

TakeUsHome · 31/10/2020 16:04

@yellowbelliedcreature the proposal by blueskywhy seems worth considering. Of course you'd need to be "ready" for that

No offense blueskywhy, but I've heard of the withdrawal method, your proposal is 100% opposite :)

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 31/10/2020 16:24

@yellowbelliedcreature I’m very sorry if you answered before and I missed it, but where are you buying your d-mannose from and what dosage are you using? I took at least 3 times a day during very regular dtd (2or3 tablets each) one dose an hour before sex (not very spontaneous Blush) and immediately afterwards (after peeing). Maybe for a week before and a week after ttc week. Again, sorry if you’ve tried all this and I missed it.

Anyway, you’ve had amazing advice on here so I really hope you’re no longer suffering, it’s awful. And good luck ttc Grin

Goosefoot · 31/10/2020 19:38

I have this problem to though to a lesser degree. It really is horrible.

I have been reading up lately that there is a new antibiotic protocol being used in some places for reoccurring problems like this, where they put you on a very long course - something like six months I think. It might be worth looking into.

I've also been told that scoping the bladder is sometimes used, not just to look for the problem, but the procedure itself seems to help. I'm not ready to go there yet but I would if it were as bad as yours, OP.

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