Do teachers share things about pupils with their spouses.

[Starlet7992]

As above ^^ today was called in about an issue with Ds. All been resolved now. But the teachers spouse is an old family friend and I don’t particularly want her knowing as she may tell others. It’s nothing anything terrible. Just an issue that is now resolved but still I’m a very private person. Don’t like people knowing our business.

Are teachers allowed to tell their spouses about issues with an individual children?

If the teacher knows that their partner knows your child then they will only tell if they are 100% sure it won’t go any further. I would tell my DH but I know that he knows when to keep his mouth shut.

We once had a child who put his PE kit on and a pair of very skimpy lace panties fell out of the bag, he was a bit confused but only 5/6 and just said ‘oh, mummy’s knickers’ - I explained that they must have Got caught in the wash and stuffed them back in the bag.
I did tell my DH, who does know the family, because she is the very last person I would expect to have skimpy lace pants under her very very conservative clothing. I know he won’t share the info - it all depends if the teacher can trust her other half.

@Toomuchtrouble4me

If the teacher knows that their partner knows your child then they will only tell if they are 100% sure it won’t go any further. I would tell my DH but I know that he knows when to keep his mouth shut.

You absolutely should NOT be telling your partner. It's not about whether he tells anyone else or not. It's about the child and its parents having privacy. If your husband knows them, he should know NOTHING about their child's schooling.

No-one who knows them should expect their teacher friend's husband or children to know their business. I'm quite horrified that you think it's fine and normal.

You are absolutely wrong to think that it's normal for teachers to do this. And you should stop doing it.

@CasuallyMasculine

I really don't see the problem with approx twice a year sharing an anonymous safeguarding issue with my H. He would never see/know any of the students or their parents.

@Toomuchtrouble4me

I would not be sharing in those circumstances.

I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing the odd funny thing a child has said either. Obviously no names.

They’re human, they’re very likely to tell their spouse, but both they and their spouse are bound to know it can’t go any further than that.

I do. I don’t use names or anything that could identify the pupil to my husband but I do talk about it.

When I gave up teaching my friends complained that they missed my stories

If the teacher knows that their partner knows your child then they will only tell if they are 100% sure it won’t go any further. I would tell my DH but I know that he knows when to keep his mouth shut
They shouldn't be sharing personal information.
Professional standards are professional standards, not'professional standards unless you think your husband is nice'.

As an aside, I wonder how many men tell their wives their friends' confidences and disclose personal information abouttheir clients or service users. I wonder how many of them would say 'but I trust my wife and my friends and colleagues should expect anything they say to me also goes to my wife'.

Professional standards are professional standards, not'professional standards unless you think your husband is nice'.

That. 100%

Do you share any of your day to day work experience with your family because I certainly don't and I work in an environment where issues of interest would definitely come up It's boring to be honest and I also wouldn't dream of sharing private issues.
It's probably best to expect that people are professional and not worry about it. Breaching confidentiality over an issue involving a child would be pretty pathetic.

My son is training to be a teacher and he will say 'one of my students said/did/didn't' but never mentions names.

I think anonymous sharing is fine. Anything where anyone could be identified is not OK.

I think anonymous sharing is fine. Anything where anyone could be identified is not OK.

You’ll never know whether someone could be identified by the information you share though. Best not to do it at all - it’s not that hard.

I really can't believe that you say nothing ever about what happens at school when you get home. I find that more strange to be honest.

It’s up to you whether you believe it or not. Tbf I can’t imagine why my family would be interested anyway. There are a few more pressing things for us to discuss these days!

You never utter the words "oh you'll never believe what a pupil said today....."?

I'm not spilling safeguarding secrets fgs!!

There are a few more pressing things for us to discuss these days!
no one wants wall to wall corona.

There's common sense though. Sharing funny moments or a student doing something nice isn't going to be identifying, nor is it sharing personal information.

I came home with a cake a 6th form student saved me from their charity afternoon. I told DH that I thought it was sweet that they'd remembered a passing comment about me liking this particular cake. Saying to DH that I want take away after a rubbish day and Year 9 were the last straw isn't going unprofessional, unless of course nobody ever goes home and says they've had a bad day because that's unprofessional.

It's fairly straightforward to me: would I want my child spoken about in that way / to someone else? If not, don't say it.

Completely agree Lola.

Yep they do.

Yes they do, frequently. It's not always negative stories; positives are shared too. Yes, first names etc would be shared, but I would argue this tends to be a passive piece of information to aid the flow of conversation rather than a teacher purposefully disclosing information. For example, we have one exceptionally problematic student in our year group. He is incredibly violent, uses foul and offensive language constantly, other kids are terrified of him etc. My husband will ask me something like: "... And what has Kevin been up to today," when I get in from work. If you think that is bad, you'd be horrified by what gets said in the staffroom.

no one wants wall to wall corona.

So you think the only things anyone has to talk about are the pandemic and what happens in school? Now that I can’t believe.

My husband will ask me something like: "... And what has Kevin been up to today," when I get in from work. If you think that is bad, you'd be horrified by what gets said in the staffroom.

Sounds like a pretty shit school to me.

My husband will ask me something like: "... And what has Kevin been up to today," when I get in from work. If you think that is bad, you'd be horrified by what gets said in the staffroom.

This isn't OK, either the husband or the staffroom bit.

My husband will ask me something like: "... And what has Kevin been up to today," when I get in from work. If you think that is bad, you'd be horrified by what gets said in the staffroom.
It sounds like you share too much information with your husband and your staffroom isn't somewhere I'd like to be. It sounds like a horrible culture for a school.

Even my teenage son who works at a youth club is bound by confidentiality.. He might speak in generalities about a difficult situation, or tell a funny sorry, but leave out the names. I actually do know some of the mums / children and he is even more careful with those. (In fact there have been times we’ve both known something, but neither of us have disclosed it because of the context we were told.)
So if he can manage it, I think qualified professionals definitely should.