Do teachers share things about pupils with their spouses.

[Starlet7992]

As above ^^ today was called in about an issue with Ds. All been resolved now. But the teachers spouse is an old family friend and I don’t particularly want her knowing as she may tell others. It’s nothing anything terrible. Just an issue that is now resolved but still I’m a very private person. Don’t like people knowing our business.

Are teachers allowed to tell their spouses about issues with an individual children?

My daughter is a teacher and she is always off loading to me about the kids in her school. But then they're a load of hooligans and it's usually because once the police and ambulances have gone, the reality kicks in.

I might mention something to DP about my day that I found funny or frustrating. I don't mention any children's names.
Having said that, he has no connection to my workplace and knows none of the children. Plus he probably isn't listening half the time. Stories about the classroom are a bit boring for people who aren't teachers themselves.

They do yes.

Definitely.

You’re more likely to have other kids telling their parents (and naming your child) about what happened so be prepared! Other thing to consider is kids love to tell staff their parents business especially if it’s embarrassing!

So if it is note worthy expect the entire neighbourhood to know about by tomorrow!

Yes of course they do. I think it would be naive to think they don't. 3 of my best friends are teachers and I get all of the stories!

I never mention anything safeguarding related to DP. Even though we live in a different county to the one I teach in. I work in SEMH so sometimes I have an injury that he wants to know about but I don’t think I have ever said the name of a child who has been violent to me or others. Just “a student”. He does know the names of the kids I teach because there aren’t many of them and I’ll share funny things that happen e.g. Mark (not the name of any child in my school) made it all the way to lunch today by himself / Jenny wrote a whole paragraph today. But we live apart so by the time we see one another at the weekend, I’ve forgotten what happened in the week!

My DH does as the kids have violent behaviour at times and he needs to offload but he won't say names.

@TeenPlusTwenties Right! What have you heard about my darling Tarquin.....?? It was only the once and he hasn’t bitten a teacher since!!

Thanks all. Nothing happened at school as such. It was something that DS said to teacher which sounded terrible but all Been explained. Still wouldn’t want it repeated though. Nothing terrible but people are quick to judge and twist things!

Some do. Most of those that do would I think be professional enough to vague it up.
But some are not.
My dad was a teacher and he was awful for telling us about the kids. He did use names. He would mention diagnosis. Parents. Etc.

I cannot count how many times I told him not to ! In the end I just would change the subject.

My husband will tell me stuff not naming names, he’d never say such n such blar blar blar and he has been known to show me some of the ridiculous comments left in google classrooms over lockdown (before reporting them) they are very funny/witty but not very appropriate. One kept leaving him “fun facts” in the chat which were most entertaining, but he had to report them in the end when they took it too far, I was quite enjoying the random daily instalment.

Yes, I do talk to DH, but as with PP, in a non identifying way, but never about students he could potentially know.
A student of mine shares a hobby with DH, and as soon as I realised that I went straight to safeguarding to cover myself due to the nature of the hobby (sports related where injuries could happen) as I didn't want it to be misconstrued if he ever came to school and told people 'Mrs One's DH caused my bruise' etc.

As with most work places there are funny stories, sad stories, interesting stories. It would be hard not to talk to DH about my day. But I definitely keep it professional. I have my own children and would hope their teachers are the same.
As my DC are the same age as students I teach, (different schools) I NEVER discuss anything in front of them, just in case they happen to know the student, it wouldn't be fair. Even with no names, it's not hard to link certain things if your friendship groups overlap.

Why on earth wouldn't they? It's hardly a state secret.

Keeping it completely anonymous with friends and sticking to the funny side of a story is one thing, but your spouse? If you can't tell them, who can you?

And if you cannot trust your spouse to be discreet, you have a much bigger problem...

Yes, 100%

Of course he will tell his wife. She knows, for sure. Hopefully they will both be discreet enough never to let on though.

Yes he’ll tell her with names, sorry.

Been on both ends if this - friend is wife of teacher and knew DS’s specific and unusual SEN diagnosis though I certainly never told her. Annoying.

And friend who teaches children of mutual friends told he something one child had told her about his home life (re alcohol) that wasn’t great. She knows I wouldn’t tell anyone.

I do sometimes without naming any names, particularly if I've had a difficult or upsetting experience to deal with. I do occasionally need to talk about my day.

If my DH knew any of the families I teach then I would be very careful not to mention them.

@ZezetteEpouseX

Why on earth wouldn't they? It's hardly a state secret.

Keeping it completely anonymous with friends and sticking to the funny side of a story is one thing, but your spouse? If you can't tell them, who can you?

And if you cannot trust your spouse to be discreet, you have a much bigger problem...

See I find that kind of thinking appalling. You and your spouse are not a single entity. And if someone wants you to keep something confidential (or their work requires it) they mean you don't tell ANYONE. Not even a spouse.

If I confided in a friend, and asked her to keep it confidential, I'd go ballistic if she told her husband. It's even worse if your secret is shared with someone who actually knows you.

So yes, if you've an ounce of sense and work in a job like teaching, you don't share anything identifying with your spouse.

And friend who teaches children of mutual friends told he something one child had told her about his home life (re alcohol) that wasn’t great. She knows I wouldn’t tell anyone.

That makes no difference. Now you have information that your mutual friend does not want you to have, and that's appalling and unprofessional behaviour on your teacher friend's part. She betrayed the mutual friend's confidentiality just because she wanted to gossip to you.

I share funny stories about kids, but never use their names.

If it was a child my dh knew, I would tell him less than if it's children he doesn't know.

My DH is a teacher at our son's school and he is always super careful about what he shares with me. Never any names or identifying features.

My mum is the worst gossip I know - talks 24/7. She tells our entire family pretty much EVERYTHING that happens at her school (even though none of us are interested) and gives full names. I'm talking about stuff that should be strictly confidential - SEN diagnoses, domestic violence, instances of children being abused by their parents, all of it. I've told her repeatedly that this is none of our business and she's violating confidentiality, but she doesn't listen. I don't understand why she thinks we're all interested when we've never even met most of these children or their families, but there you are.

She's like this in every aspect of her life: no boundaries when it comes to privacy. She thinks I'm paranoid for having a passcode on my phone. She will sometimes actually grab my phone out of my hand and start looking through it, and if I tell her to give it back she gets angry at me for "keeping secrets" from her Whenever I tell anything to a professional, I'm acutely aware that they may be just like my mum behind the scenes.

Teacher here:

Yep, I share all sorts of things about the kids AND their parents. More often than not, everything a bit odd about the kid is explained the minute you get into a conversation with the parent.

I've also shared funny things kids in my class say on my facebook, and have done for 10 years or more. Never with names, or any identifying traits, and it's all done in good fun. Kids are funny.

I tell DH lots.
I don't share any safeguarding issues but other than that yes, I usually call them 'one of my little darlings' or 'one of my special little bunch' I sometimes use first names but rarely as he doesn't know them it doesn't make a difference to the conversation.