Do teachers share things about pupils with their spouses.

[Starlet7992]

As above ^^ today was called in about an issue with Ds. All been resolved now. But the teachers spouse is an old family friend and I don’t particularly want her knowing as she may tell others. It’s nothing anything terrible. Just an issue that is now resolved but still I’m a very private person. Don’t like people knowing our business.

Are teachers allowed to tell their spouses about issues with an individual children?

Chances are they will mention it and probably by the child's first name. So their spouse will know. Shouldn't happen of course, but does. If the teacher uses the child's first name would the spouse recognise them as being your child?

Yes. Safeguarding becomes a "shit day, sorry" one liner.

Though DH has heard many hypothetical issues, basically I make up a dissimilar version and discuss any dilemma or issues I am having.

For example one student was sexually violent, incestuously so. He was also extremely vulnerable and sexually abused. He chose me to offload on! The case made national headlines.*

I had to talk to someone, colleagues were obviously out of the question and the counsellors were busy, mainly with this lad and the safeguarding team. So I talked to DH. No names, no accurate details, just how hard I was finding having to continue teaching him knowing what was going on in the background. Yes, he was that vulnerable he was allowed to stay in college, it was seen as his only stabilising activity - and he showed no issues with us.

About 3 years later it made the papers and DH looked at me, horrified.

• Not the real story but of equal abnormality and complication.

I have truly supervision, so I don’t really need to vent about anything from school.

But I did have to tell DH about a particular parent and I told him his name, because the parent had made false allegations of criminal behaviour about me to the head teacher, and I wanted DH to be aware in case it escalated.

TBH, My guess is that she knows what has happened but you’ll never know so not worth worrying about.
If she’s got any sense she’ll keep it to herself.

“Termly supervision”

Yes, but selectively. I mean you might repeat something funny that a child has done but never, ever, something sensitive.

Only cute or funny anecdotes and I wouldn’t mention names. According to DH though, I teach full lessons in my sleep so I can’t promise it wouldn’t come out 🙈 apparently I tell {insert name of child that I have to tell off a lot} off all the time in my sleep too 😂

I would tell my DH (and other friends) if something notable happened at school, but only in a "some of my year 8s" or "one of my tutor group" or whatever, I wouldnt use names - mainly because DH doesnt know who they are so using their names would actually be more confusing!

It is actually important for teachers to share with someone else if they had a bad day or something upsetting happened during a lesson because it is a way to decompress and reflect on the situation. However I wouldn't share personal information with my DH (or anyone else) such as details of SEN.

I'm a nurse, not a teacher. I work in mental health and hear some terrible stories. I might give the bare bones of something a patient said to my husband in a "some people have had terrible childhoods" way, but wouldn't give names or identifying details.

They shouldn't but one of DS's teachers decided to discuss something very personal about DS with their husband, using his name.

Their primary aged child started telling their classmates about it in class. Both the HT and I contacted my DS's school and it was dealt with.

The teacher admitted it.

In my experience teachers share far more than they should. My children go to school where a lot of teachers also have their own children in the same school. Therefore teachers do socialise with parents at class nights out etc. Some of the stuff I’ve been told over a glass or two of wine has been very identifying. So much so, I’ve had to mention the lack of confidentiality to the Head. This blurring of lines is very problematic imo. I work in an industry where people confidentiality is key and don’t discuss my work with anyone, not even DH. It’s not hard to do.

@HamishDent

In my experience teachers share far more than they should. My children go to school where a lot of teachers also have their own children in the same school. Therefore teachers do socialise with parents at class nights out etc. Some of the stuff I’ve been told over a glass or two of wine has been very identifying. So much so, I’ve had to mention the lack of confidentiality to the Head. This blurring of lines is very problematic imo. I work in an industry where people confidentiality is key and don’t discuss my work with anyone, not even DH. It’s not hard to do.

I'd be appalled if any of my colleagues did that, it's not something I've ever done and never would do. I have shared funny stories like the times when children present you with a picture that looks more like a penis than an aeroplane but that's only vaguely funny the first time it happens.

They might do but I’m a TA and might disc my day with DH but never use names or personal details. Tbh it probably goes in one ear and out the other, just me spouting off! Then again DH knows nobody from school.

• discuss

I would never identify a child. I might share a funny story, and because I worked in special ed with difficult and aggressive children, sometimes I'd unload after a particularly difficult day or to explain an injury. But never in a way that would enable my DH to identify anyone.

But in a mainstream school, nope. It'd just be 'a funny thing that a kid said today'.

Wind the clock back fifteen years then yes. But I think schools are a lot hotter about child protection these days and I would expect there to be very much stricter rules about confidentiality these days. So hopefully not.

I tell my DH about noteworthy things that happen during the day. That may be funny, unusual or sad. I never say names and if I thought there was a chance DH could link it to the child or family, I wouldn’t tell him.

I have told my dh some very funny stories but in an anonomised way. A tough day today because a year 10 Muppet set fire to microwave in FT room. Last lesson of day. Fire evacuation meant all school late to leave as stuck on playground and many kids missed busses home. That sort of thing. I did tell him name of kids that bought me gifts at end of year though. Some flowers or wine had gift tags on with their name.

i think it really does depend on what kind of person you are.

my schoolfriend is a teacher at my childrens school and, while out as a group (we dont go out alone), she will think nothing of saying "you know Xs kid, in my class? well....". She loves the attention it gives her.

however my brother is also a teacher, with children at his school whose parents we both know. Yet he will tell the occasional story but never ever mention names and I never ask. Usually nice stories as well, rarely anything bad.

It depends what it is.

I tell DH if something funny happens in school or a child does something nice.
If the day has been rough then I might talk to DH because there's something on my mind, but no names mentioned.
If it's safeguarding then absolutely not.

No I don’t.

He can’t even get the nomenclature right for the year groups. He has no bloody idea what I do at school all day

Thanks all. I don’t have an issue if he was to tells spouse and didn’t mention a name. I know they probably don’t keep everything quiet! It’s just worries me if a name comes up. It’s a close knit community. I have nothing to hide and it’s nothing terrible but this place is in insane for people talking 🤣

Non identifiable and never safeguarding related.

If I lived and worked in a close knit community I wouldn’t share much at all.

@HamishDent that's awful, I'm sorry that's been your experience!

Like most teachers on here: not in an identifying way or if it was serious. It would only be a funny story or something like I'm struggling to connect with my new year 10s or one of my year 8s is having a hard time with x or x lesson went well/didn't work.