Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to keep old family pictures

155 replies

Sweetener12 · 06/07/2020 08:38

So the other day I was doing a big cleaning around the house and found a bunch or very old photo albums that belong to my father's family. My father passed away several years ago and these albums are full of his grandparent's photos, I've never knew these people and I'm not even interested, so I wanted to get rid of them but my DM is strongly against. She says this is the memory, even though she's never knew her DH's grandparents and aunts, etc. She doesn't want me to get rid of them and keeps telling I have to digitize these pics and save them somehow. I find this to be completely senseless, tho.
What do you think? AIBU to not wanting to keep the photos of the people I've never met?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/07/2020 08:39

Can’t you just give them to her?

GinDaddyRedux · 06/07/2020 08:40

Treating her views as "senseless" just because you want to tidy, seems a bit callous to me.

What is wrong with digitising them?

Have you seen "Who Do You Think You Are?"... there are millions of people who want to know their history beyond the immediate family they have met.

I think YABVU here.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 06/07/2020 08:40

Nope, YANBU

GinDrinker00 · 06/07/2020 08:40

Just give them to her? Issue solved.

Destroyedpeople · 06/07/2020 08:41

Let her have them if they so precious. .

GinDaddyRedux · 06/07/2020 08:41

also you wrote "I've never knew these people and I'm not even interested, so I wanted to get rid of them".. that's fine I get this is what YOU want, but what about your mother? Isn't she closer to this all somehow? Does she get an equal weight to her vote?

This all feels like a way of controlling people's grief... I'm not sure about the whole thing here. YABU

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 06/07/2020 08:41

Give them to your mum. She gets to keep them, you get a tidy house. Sorted.

Apolloanddaphne · 06/07/2020 08:43

We have a suitcase full of my FILs old photos and they are very much viewed as a treasured family history. I love looking at them. Can't you give the albums to your DM for safe keeping?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 06/07/2020 08:43

You might not care but if you have kids or nephews/nieces they might want to trace their family history one day. It's a record of history, so yabvu to get rid. Yanbu to expect your mother to keep them at her house, since she feels so strongly about it though.

Ponoka7 · 06/07/2020 08:44

Are you ever going to have children? They might like to have them, in the future.

I don't see the issue with digitally storing them. There are people who collect old photos, if they are very very old.

ivykaty44 · 06/07/2020 08:44

Do any other relations of your father have an interest?

PurpleDaisies · 06/07/2020 08:44

also you wrote "I've never knew these people and I'm not even interested, so I wanted to get rid of them".. that's fine I get this is what YOU want, but what about your mother? Isn't she closer to this all somehow? Does she get an equal weight to her vote?

The mother gets an equal vote on whether the op keeps them or spends hours digitising the pictures? And that makes the op the controlling one?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 06/07/2020 08:45

Do you have any children or nephews or nieces? They might be interested in tracing their history one day and it's much more real seeing people in pictures than in birth and death records etc? If your mum is asking you to digitize them for her or for future generations then I think you should be kind and look into it. If she or anyone else will never look at them again then YANBU to get rid. Be kind to your mum though, different people place different importance on loved ones belongings

LusciousV · 06/07/2020 08:45

YABU! You don't have to keep them if you don't want to but do your DM a favour and digitise them for her. I don't understand why you would find this senseless, regardless of your own feelings about it.

copperoliver · 06/07/2020 08:45

You are being harsh, you may not know
them but this is your family history without these people getting together and starting your family tree. You wouldn't be here. Maybe give them to your mother, or find room in the attic or something. They were important to your father, so don't throw them away x

Cherrytea · 06/07/2020 08:46

Do you have kids? Im not really a photo person or hoarder. However my sister has photos of literally everyone. So if you have kids maybe they would like to keep them when they are older

VaggieMight · 06/07/2020 08:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

averylongtimeago · 06/07/2020 08:49

I have done quite a bit of family history and old photos are a treasure trove of information.
I get that you are not interested, but don't destroy them Give them back to your mum, let her find them a home. Then any other family members will have access in the future.
It's not just your history you would be binning.

Sirzy · 06/07/2020 08:50

If your mum wants them then let her have them.

Only when no surviving relatives are interested in them should throwing them away be considered

Dyrne · 06/07/2020 08:52

Well that’s your next Birthday/Christmas present for her sorted then - there’s loads of companies out there who will scan in your old photos, then you can present them to her as a gift.

YANBU to not want them cluttering up your house, but YABU to call someone “senseless” for wanting to hold onto family history.

Why be all snotty about it when you can ship them off to a company who will do it all for you? I’ve just googled and found one who will do 100 for £15. Scale up/down depending on how much you spend for presents, job done. Gets them out the house and keeps your mum happy.

Lucindainthesky · 06/07/2020 08:53

Oh god don't get rid of them, give them to your mum or save them for your children.

I enjoy genealogy and seeing old photos has been amazing.

burnoutbabe · 06/07/2020 08:58

I agree with the op
I don't want to keep tons of family albums, as I won't know who people are at al
If someone wants to sort and label them, so we know who people are (and what relation to whom) then they have more value but I don't want to keep tons of them, just a top selection. Maybe wedding photos say but not some trip to Bognor!

WearyandBleary · 06/07/2020 09:03

I have kept one concertina folder containing all old family history documents and photos - divided into names of people I know. All photos have names on the back. That’s it - the rest (which was about 20 albums) went into a skip.

Maybe your mum could go through them and help softness into people she can identify and write this on the back? Then you can make an archive file?

Personally I hate this sort of clutter, it makes me feel guilty.

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 06/07/2020 09:05

OP: I find that very sad. Even if you never knew these people, they are a part of your past and family history. Just to throw the photos away is like throwing these people away as if they are just a bunk of junk. Down the line, would you like to know that somebody threw away photos of you just because he / she had never personally known you?

TheVoiceOfReasonableness · 06/07/2020 09:05

This is not just family history but social history.

Before digital, people used to take time over taking pictures because you only got 24 shots per roll, you had to take the time to get them developed and it was expensive. It wasn’t just the best pictures that got printed in an album like now out of the millions we take on our phones- that was all the pictures there were.

Often the pictures are all that is left of a person once they have died. They are a window into the past. A future generation may be very glad that those pictures were saved. I would love to have a picture of my Great Grandfather who died in the First World War, but there are none.

Future generations will not thank you (or your memory) for destroying their family history.