To have only just told him now?

[inthedarkx]

My 14 year old daughter started her period for the first time on Friday. She was actually quite upset about it, scared and teary. I reassured her, sent her for a bath and made sure she had her supply of pads at the ready. And that was that. 3rd day in now and she's getting used to it but she didn't text her dad to tell him which was her choice as she feels a bit embarrassed but i told her there is no need to be( me and him are separated)
Anyway I text her dad myself tonight just so he's aware she has started because if she goes to his flat to stay he needs to know in case she needs a supplies ect. He text me back saying 'only just telling me how' I said it's only the 3rd day I've not left it months before telling him. He replies 'fuck off with your high moral shit face idiotic self'
What ever that means 🤷🏻‍♀️
Is he justified that I told him on day 3 and not from the beginning ?
He's now blocked me on all communication 🤷🏻‍♀️

He's disgusting...

I can see why he's an ex. YANBU and you're well rid!

I've never known a man who was a total shit to his partner/mother of his children but a wonderful loving father to the kids. I'd be very wary, especially now she's "a woman" and not a child (yeah, I know, but some people think like this; I've known fathers who ramped up the abuse when their daughters undeniably no longer had child bodies). She definitely must know she has a choice whether to go there or not.

Given that he's only going to abuse you whatever you do, I wouldn't bother engaging with him, simply because I wouldn't give him what he wants. If it's safe, I suppose you could post screenshots on social media, but obviously judge that one carefully. Either way, he's an abusive worthless turd and neither you nor your daughter owes him anything.

When I first started reading I thought you were living together and ot only came up today and even then I thought what a knob

It's none of his business, I can't see why he'd need to know, just give your daughter whatever sanitary protection she needs to put in her bag.

You say OP that he would give you grief for not telling him, but you're the adult and she is the child whose private information you have shared.
Well that's not a good enough reason, just to give yourself a quiet life, what about her privacy?

He sounds a total nightmard poor you. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Nightmare

Very weird that you told him. The thing about her needing supplies whilst there is a bad reason, easy enough just to make sure she is stocked up before she goes.

I am not sure I would have felt it was my Dad’s business and he lived in the same house as me.

I never even thought to tell me ex when my dd started menstruating. Is that some new thing?

I was furious when my mum told my dad my periods had started and they were still married. It’s your DD’s business. Nobody else’s.

Ugh no. I wouldn’t have told him at all. How is it his business?!

Stop telling him where you are going. Stop sharing your children’s secrets. I’d be furious with you if I was your daughter. He can’t control you however “controlling” you feel he is.

Stop telling him all this stuff and set some boundaries. He shouldn't know where you are and what you're doing.

Some posters are odd. I told my husband when DD's period started and she talks freely with him about it, no embarrassment. Her younger brother also learned about periods at the time and is quite aware of them. Why shouldn't the dad know? Unfortunately OP's ex is a twat, she didn't do anything wrong.

I do however agree with the posters saying stop telling him stuff that allow him to control you. You got rid of him. Ignore him.

@inthedarkx "Anyway I text her dad myself tonight just so he's aware she has started because if she goes to his flat to stay he needs to know in case she needs a supplies ect. "

Why on earth would you expect her father to go out and buy supplies for her ? Wouldn't she just take some with her ?

Wow the OP is getting some stick here.
She was only giving him the heads up to make sure he was aware he might need to provide and be aware if she was more emotional. I think that is very sensible as it would make it easier for her DD if she started when staying there. Embarrassing perhaps if she had to explain whereas as a quick “ time of the month” is all she would need to saying because he knew she had started.
It is him being the arse.
OP I think I would text him “Oh do grow up.”
He probably feels a bit guilty for leaving you and his kids and when something happens he blames you because he isn’t mature enough to accept this is what happens if you leave one family to start another.

I would make sure she takes a little emergency pack if she goes to stay then she doesn’t have to say if she doesn’t want to. They could be erratic to start with. Bless her I would get her a little treat chocolate perhaps something you wouldn’t normally get her.

I don’t understand all the people saying it’s none of his business and why would you expect him to get supplies - why wouldn’t you? Especially as you two are separated so sometimes it’s he who’s solely responsible for her welfare. But no you aren’t at all BU and he’s being a complete knob, so I would make sure she does have her sanpro with her so she doesn’t have to ask him.

What an asshat.

My stepdaughter’s mum didn’t tell us when DsD started so we were taken by surprise (and massive amounts of tears) when period number 2 showed up at our house. DH would’ve preferred to have been warned so as to maybe minimise the tears a bit but no way would he ever have been angry about it and no way would be ever use those words towards the mother of his child.

Thank fuck this man is your ex. I hope he doesn’t speak to your daughter like that.

No wonder he's your ex.

He sounds vile and unhinged.

What right does he have to know the ins and outs of his daughter's body? I get that he's probably lashing out as she's growing up, but what an appalling attitude.

I appreciate your DD seems to have said you could tell him, but I still don't understand why he'd need to know in the first place. She can take supplies with her and doesn't need to rely on his help with periods so I'm not sure why he had to be told in the first place.

.. before he left me for someone else

he is quite strict in his views and things and she knows this.

He's not that strict, apparently .. since he's a cheater himself lol.

He sounds like an absolute wanker, knob, dickhead, tosser, bastard, psycho, abuser .. and you can try anything you like do he doesn't abuse you, but he still will.

Id suggest you keep absolutely all communication to strictly exclusively about visiting arrangements and not engage with him at all about anything else. Also his behaviour is quite abusive so I'd record everything and consult women's aid a x police as to how best to deal with him.

I don't see why he needed to be told, unless your daughter chose to tell.him herself ... What does he need to have for her; why couldn't she just go to his with plenty of sanpro and painkillers etc?

You're trying to anticipate and circumvent every single thing he could find out about and somehow twist to criticise/abuse you about, but of will never work because he'll always find something .. because he's not reasonable.

He's be better to learn there are consequences for sending you abusive messages.

You also sound way too soft.

He behaved like this, but you didn't t even kick him out, he left ... You need to really really toughen up with regard to this arsehole of a man. He thinks you're soft, he thinks you're an easy target.

No wonder he's your Ex. What a twat he is.

What a twat. He made it about him when it’s about her. I can’t believe she even wants to see him. Your poor DD. Sounds like you’re both well shot of him.

@julybaby32

Maybe you might want to have the post with the exact date of birth removed? Assuming you gave the exact date of course. And I know that there will have been loads of 14 year old girls with that birthdate who have just started their period 3 days ago, but not so many with a father that obnoxious.

Good thought ^^