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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have only just told him now?

86 replies

inthedarkx · 05/07/2020 21:37

My 14 year old daughter started her period for the first time on Friday. She was actually quite upset about it, scared and teary. I reassured her, sent her for a bath and made sure she had her supply of pads at the ready. And that was that. 3rd day in now and she's getting used to it but she didn't text her dad to tell him which was her choice as she feels a bit embarrassed but i told her there is no need to be( me and him are separated)
Anyway I text her dad myself tonight just so he's aware she has started because if she goes to his flat to stay he needs to know in case she needs a supplies ect. He text me back saying 'only just telling me how' I said it's only the 3rd day I've not left it months before telling him. He replies 'fuck off with your high moral shit face idiotic self'
What ever that means 🤷🏻‍♀️
Is he justified that I told him on day 3 and not from the beginning ?
He's now blocked me on all communication 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
mysuperpowerisme · 05/07/2020 22:12

Bit weird for a grown man to want to know that a 14 year old is on her period....

What would have changed if you had told him on day 1? Not even his place to know to be honest.

Hes really creepy...

BurtsBeesKnees · 05/07/2020 22:13

He sounds like an absolute knobhead. You did the right thing by your dd and that's all that matters

PicsInRed · 05/07/2020 22:14

Your daughter is now 14 and the courts will give her views serious weight if she no longer wishes to go to her dad's house.

I would seriously consider backing your daughter if she no longer wishes to deal with him. You're afraid of him - with only text abuse. Imagine what it's like for her when she has to stay at his house.

Her age is her "out". Help her to break free.

TARSCOUT · 05/07/2020 22:14

She knows I told him. If I didn't tell him and he found out months down the line he would give me a load of abuse for telling him straight away. And he would probably be spiteful towards me after that by keeping something even more important from me. He's always been like this

In that case fair enough. He's a dick.

blubellsarebells · 05/07/2020 22:18

Not being funny but this cant have come as a massive shock to any of you at 14?
You didnt need to tell him at all its not like its a medical emergency, does he want an update every month?
Selfish prick can see why hes an ex.

funinthesun19 · 05/07/2020 22:22

WOW what a prick. He’s completely over reacting. Why did you need to get straight on to the phone to tell him the news? That’s a bit odd. It’s not like he’s missing out on anything Confused It’s one of those where he knows when he needs to know.

MamaFirst · 05/07/2020 22:22

It's a fucking period... HER period, HER body. I also don't think you should have told him at all, it was her place to tell him not yours. So obviously I think he's a twat for reacting that way. Nasty bastard, can see why you're separated!

DishingOutDone · 05/07/2020 22:22

What 14 year old would want to visit her Dad after he did that? That's very worrying.

Emmmie · 05/07/2020 22:23

This is the first time I hear that daughters must inform their fathers as soon as they start their periods, or that a father would go ballistic for not being informed about his daughter’s period as soon as it happened. I mean...what is this?!

rainbowlou · 05/07/2020 22:26

It wouldn’t have occurred to me to let my dd’s dad know!
But regardless he sounds like an absolute dick and no wonder he is an ex!

Candyfloss99 · 05/07/2020 22:27

Well you shouldn't have told him. It's up to your daughter to tell you and him what's happening with her body.

YouokHun · 05/07/2020 22:28

So he’s made your daughter’s sensitive and tricky to negotiate situation all about him - what a wanker. I hope he’s nicer to your daughter than he is to you OP. He sounds like a control freak with his own power the most important thing to him.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 05/07/2020 22:30

Thanks for everyone's responses

He's really an immature little boy at 41 years old. Hes 9 years older then me so often thinks he has the upper hand

I think his problem is he wants something to be angry with me for, something to control me over so i go begging his forgiveness. He did it when we was together before he left me for someone else so a bit of it is probably the guilt from all that as well

I tell him so I don't have to suffer any abuse from him yet I still get abuse. It's about my daughter not him

OP posts:
Sweetnhappy1 · 05/07/2020 22:33

Well, you can feel reassured that you definitely did the correct thing making him your ex. It sounds like you and your daughter have a lovely relationship. Is her relationship with her dad ok? Does she like visiting him? He seems extremely self-centred and immature.

KarmaKamel · 05/07/2020 22:37

Christ I never told anyone I’d started my periods (was 15 so old enough to decide that for myself).
He sounds creepy. He has no ‘right’ to that info. He should count himself lucky to be told. He has no jurisdiction over a 14 year old girls body and no right to know anything she deems a private personal matter if she had chosen not to ever tell him.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 05/07/2020 22:37

@Sweetnhappy1 thank you
Yes she is happy visiting him, he's not horrible to her (thankfully!) but he is quite strict in his views and things and she knows this. But other wise they get on ok. I have other children with him too and even with the younger ones if I don't tell him any minor things he will go on one. It's me he's horrible to and uses situations like this to be horrible. I took all my children to my friends once before lockdown ( she invites her friends with families round once a week for a get together and tea) and all kids play together and he went ballistic because I didn't tell him we was going. Even though we are not together and he has a gf and baby with her. So he's controlling in general

OP posts:
pallisers · 05/07/2020 22:38

god what a prick. Ignore him. Aren't you glad you aren't married to him anymore and any involvement he has in your life is going to dwindle as your child grows up?

and there is actually something deeply creepy about a man losing his temper over not knowing the exact day his daughter got her first period. You might want to watch/warn that his controlling tendancies don't transfer to your daughter. tell her straight that no one has any rights to demand information about her body or her fertility.

HelloDulling · 05/07/2020 22:38

@letmethinkaboutitfornow

He doesn’t sound a nice person. But, I don’t think you should have told him. (14 is very late for a first period, she might have been shy about it, but should have been her choice)
Is it? I thought the average age was 13, she’s barely older than that.
Runnerduck34 · 05/07/2020 22:40

You did nothing wrong, In your shoes I would have done the same. He's an absolute twat ,thank god he's your ex , but I would be concerned about DD seeing him in case he behaves like that towards her, not sure where you stand legally but at 14 if she wanted to see less of him I'd support her decision.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 05/07/2020 22:40

@HelloDulling she turned 14 on the 25th June so only just 14. I started at 15 so I was quite late. But my sister started at 11 so I think it's very varied

OP posts:
TARSCOUT · 05/07/2020 22:42

OP. Is there nothing you can do to stop this control he has over you? I get that sometimes it might be easier just go with it but you say you have younger kids so this isn't stopping anytime soon.

Original poster
inthedarkx · 05/07/2020 22:43

Just read back though me and his messages and he actually called me a monster mixed in with all that. How does this make me a monster
He's vile I'm so rid of him!

OP posts:
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 05/07/2020 22:46

Sounds horribly like my ex. There was something recently with our ds that I didn’t tell him straight away, it was quite private and I wasn’t sure it was my place, so I thought I’d see if ds told him and go from there. Ds told him himself, so all good right? Nope. He sends a text having a go about “his right to know” and how I should have told him.
So Flowers and sympathy OP. (And Cake for your dd as well. Periods suck.)

julybaby32 · 05/07/2020 22:46

Maybe you might want to have the post with the exact date of birth removed? Assuming you gave the exact date of course. And I know that there will have been loads of 14 year old girls with that birthdate who have just started their period 3 days ago, but not so many with a father that obnoxious.

Skysblue · 05/07/2020 22:49

Wow congratulations on getting rid of the ex I can’t imagine what it must have been like trying to be in a relationship with him!

Is ridiculous to think you were supposed to text him instantly. 3 days is pretty quick! At age 14 it isn’t really any of his business and up to her if she mentions it or not.

He is just trying to control both of you, if he wasn’t angry about this it would be something else.

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