To not feel guilty that I’ve gone a bit ott on Dd‘a birthday presents.

[Teasy29]

So this evening I’ve wrapped DC’s (soon to be 5) birthday presents. I’ve been buying bits here and there mainly online throughout lockdown. I don’t know how much I’ve spent but there’s about 35 presents 😬 some didn’t cost very much and some are clothes, socks etc. I made the most of sales and deals I doubt I’ve spent over £150! But I haven’t been counting 🤦‍♀️ Thankfully our finances haven’t changed during lockdown.

Dd was desperate for a birthday party this year which obviously isn’t happening. Probably won’t even get a day out because nowhere is really open here and I’m worried about going out and about anyway. We live in a touristy area.

I will get her a cake and make some party food for us to eat (won’t cost a lot)

Oh isn’t impressed I’ve bought so much. Aibu to not feel guilty? We do have different views on how much to spend. As a child oh wasn’t bought a lot. Whereas I was spoilt. I don’t think it’s affected me in the long run but I just want the same for for my children!

She was so desperate for a party, she’s had a rough year after losing a loved one just before lockdown and like all other children been off school missing her friends.

We don’t buy them much throughout the year! We don’t go on holidays (not been on holiday in 6 years due to various reasons), we don’t really spend above what we can afford, don’t have many days out and we aren’t in debt! So surely spoiling a 5 year old isn’t too bad if you can afford it?

A lot of the gifts are little things and pyjamas and socks!

It’s not like I have to spend money on a party this year now!

Yanbu.

Spoil them, if kids are brought up right it won't affect them.

We're only here once, fuck it.

Hope she has an awesome day 👍🏻

Well, I generally discuss present budgets and agree but £135 doesn’t feel like much?

My son’s party alone cost 250 ish for soft play hire plus food and gifts so your spend seems modest to me.

I don’t think YABU per se but I generally think decisions like that should be made together.

I think it’s lovely that you want to make it special, but honestly, it does sound a bit much. Children can’t appreciate so many presents at once (Tbf, nor adults probably) to the point where opening thirty-five separate things may make them feel a bit overwhelmed or numbed to the experience. Is it possible to put some aside, either for Christmas or for a rainy day when DD might need cheering up with something like a nice new pair of socks, etc? That way you’re still sharing all these lovingly chosen things with her, but not in a big chunk in one go.

Happy birthday to her

While I don’t think as a one off its a big deal be aware that setting a precedent of such a large number of gifts could become an issue as they get older. It’s inexpensive when they are young but as they get older presents get far more expensive, one game for the switch is around £40.

Personally, I wouldn't give her the pyjamas/socks etc as wrapped birthday presents. If they're things she needs, she can just have them when she needs them. 35 presents is a lot for a 5yo, and I'd imagine she'll be bored/overwhelmed opening them all. Save some of them for later and focus on the actual fun stuff on her birthday.

And yes, agree a reasonable budget for birthdays and Christmas with your OH in future.

My DD is 5 soon and I’ve spent a bit more than that... only got about 6-7 gifts for that amount though!
I figured I usually spend around £150 on a party which isn’t happening this year so 🤷🏻‍♀️. She will love and be thankful for all her gifts.

To be clear, I don't think the amount you've spent is necessarily excessive, provided you can afford it. She's 5, she won't have any idea how much you've spent or what that means. I do think that 35 presents is too many, even if some of them only cost a few pounds.

Not unreasonable at all. But 35 sounds like a lot of things, potential clutter.

Your dh sounds a bit mean. If you're not struggling £150 isn't that much.

My dh goes absolutely mad at Christmas and birthdays. I get a bit annoyed but to be honest I like them to get everything they want and surprises. Usually end up spending about £500 each, and we are far from rolling in it.

Although mine are a bit older, and want phones and consoles, or games for consoles, and they don't come cheap!

35 is too many. It’s overwhelming for a child that age. I would give her the clothes another time, as a treat rather than a birthday present. Then I’d put away about half of the rest either for Christmas or to stock up my present cupboard for other kids’ birthdays.

Iv had those moments. Esp wrapping Christmas stuff. We have ended up putting stuff away for birthdays as was just too much

Doesn't sound excessive, I wouldn't wrap clothes though as 'presents' at that age

All I can think of is Dudley Dursley going ‘thirty seven presents? That’s two less than last year!’

35 sounds like a lot, but £135 isn’t a lot of money for that many presents which suggests they aren’t all extravagant things. I would rein it in a bit in future but wouldn’t worth too much on this occasion.

*£150 not £135 sorry

I think you've got a much bigger issue that your OH had no idea what presents his kid is getting, has clearly down no shopping or wrapping himself, and didn't even think to talk with you about it yet still gets to tell you you've done it wrong.

Will any other children notice that DD is getting a lot more presents to unwrap than they did at their birthday?
If yes then put some stuff away for Christmas. You don’t want, 10 years from now, to have “but you loved her more than me....she got all those presents” thrown at you. Teenagers are brutal and sibling resentments can simmer for decades.

We normally discuss presents and while I may get the odd little thing extra we are in agreement how much and what to get.

35 is too much and overwhelming. We did a class party when DD was 5 plus some friends and had around 30 presents and DD just went through the motions, opening and putting aside.

I would take the clothes out, unless it is a character one you normally don't buy or similar clothes are not presents in my opinion.

Can you keep some things back for rainy days, being ill or for the holidays as entertainment?

My five year old DD missed out on her party due to lockdown but if it had gone ahead, she would have presumably had 29 presents from the rest of her classmates and I would have spent more than £150 hiring the venue, entertainment and food. So on that basis, I think what you’ve done is absolutely fine.

I hope she has a lovely birthday.

Yanbu to want to spoil your DD though you may set a bar high for future birthdays to keep the stock going even with a party.
I've spent that much on my 5 y.o in March his birthday party was cancelled it was in 3 gifts he is none the wiser with quantity vs quality.
DP always had a full floor of Christmas presents I don't see the point in filling the floor it is wasteful, I'm not mean I spend around €500 each at Christmas.

It's not the money but 35 is too many presents for a 5 year old. She is likely to be overwhelmed and not enjoy them as much. Just give her the 5 most exciting things and keep the rest for another time.

Also I would make the effort to arrange a party. You can have 5 of her friends round in your garden or meet in the park. I also don't see why you can't take her for a day out. Is she not back in school now anyway?

This year is so odd. I think most of us have made parenting decisions we wouldn't normally. Usually we put a lot of energy into a decent party and don't go mad for presents (because our kids have 3 sets of very generous grandparents who kit them out with a decent present haul). This year we are tempted to buy more toys in lieu of a party, but it feels wrong because we won't do it next year, and are hoping not to do it for sibling later in the year.
I've also deviated from my usual policies on sweets, films, and time on devices. So hopefully the kids will just see it as part of a lockdown birthday where your party lasts hours but is in your home and you only get to have one family visit at a time!

Wrapping clothes and passing them off as presents for a young child is mean.

I would save some for Christmas tbh just the sheer amount.
No idea how you’ve only spent £150 on 35 presents mind!

I think it's fine too