To not feel guilty that I’ve gone a bit ott on Dd‘a birthday presents.

[Teasy29]

So this evening I’ve wrapped DC’s (soon to be 5) birthday presents. I’ve been buying bits here and there mainly online throughout lockdown. I don’t know how much I’ve spent but there’s about 35 presents 😬 some didn’t cost very much and some are clothes, socks etc. I made the most of sales and deals I doubt I’ve spent over £150! But I haven’t been counting 🤦‍♀️ Thankfully our finances haven’t changed during lockdown.

Dd was desperate for a birthday party this year which obviously isn’t happening. Probably won’t even get a day out because nowhere is really open here and I’m worried about going out and about anyway. We live in a touristy area.

I will get her a cake and make some party food for us to eat (won’t cost a lot)

Oh isn’t impressed I’ve bought so much. Aibu to not feel guilty? We do have different views on how much to spend. As a child oh wasn’t bought a lot. Whereas I was spoilt. I don’t think it’s affected me in the long run but I just want the same for for my children!

She was so desperate for a party, she’s had a rough year after losing a loved one just before lockdown and like all other children been off school missing her friends.

We don’t buy them much throughout the year! We don’t go on holidays (not been on holiday in 6 years due to various reasons), we don’t really spend above what we can afford, don’t have many days out and we aren’t in debt! So surely spoiling a 5 year old isn’t too bad if you can afford it?

A lot of the gifts are little things and pyjamas and socks!

It’s not like I have to spend money on a party this year now!

I think it's fine too

I went overboard too this year for my dd birthday think I was making up for her having her birthday in lockdown !!

I would just put the socks, pjs, clothes in the wardrobe and wrap the toys. Mine are also lockdown, no party, no trip anywhere birthdays and I have over compensated too. Enjoy the celebrations and don’t over think it anymore.

If you can afford it, have space for all the extra stuff and your DD will appreciate it then I don't think you've gone particularly overboard.

But I do think it depends on the kid - I was given everything I wanted and more as a child and I ended up a spoilt brat until I went out into the big bad world and realised how much things cost... No more replacing dirty Nike Air Max for me 🤣

For that very reason I try to keep ours moderate but I've also noticed that mine do genuinely get overwhelmed by more than a few gifts and neither like surprises so they are only really happy with things they actually want, anything else tends to be pushed aside regardless of cost.

Thanks all. It may be more than £150. I lost track so it’s probably more like £200 but will tell oh it’s £150! 🤣 I haven’t been keeping tracking as buying bits here and there.

There’s quite a lot of small things she likes from Claire’s accessories. Little bracelets, make up sets, beanie baby’s, lip balms so it’s not all toys. She doesn’t really play with large toys anymore! About 3 barbies on offer, a doll she wanted again on sale, a scooter I bought for £10 in the Halfords sale! I really have been searching for bargains! Some pens and paints (she really loves crafts) and a few bits for the garden!

She’s got a pair of pyjamas and a couple outfits and some socks. Nothing excessive on the clothes side. She’s a real girly girl. She loves getting new clothes etc!

DS also had quite a bit for his birthday too. He is older so gifts are usually more expensive though! we went overboard on him too and he has gifts from his dad (not that I’d ever buy him less than Dd as he also has his dad buying him gifts).

I only have two children! I do like to spoil them!

I don't think there is anything excessive about the amount you have spent, but from experience it is likely that your child will find the amount of things to open a bit overwhelming at that age. I would maybe spread it out a bit.

She'll have a ball! Present giving and opening is one of life's joys, especially for a child. Hope she has a wonderful day.

For my dh 30th I got 30 presents for him and honestly by the end it was just tedious. I can imagine a 5 year old to find it all very overwhelming

I’ve just counted DD’s presents for her 5th birthday next week... she has 7 and it looks loads to me! I’ve added it up to around £180- £200 though so I’ve spent similar to you.

Do you have other children or just her?
I would say that there's not necessarily anything wrong with what you have done although it shows that OH hasn't been involved in buying the presents so he could have made more of an effort in that way. She would likely get that many present if she had had a party.

If you have other children though just be aware that they could end up feeling disappointed for their next birthday if their pressie pile is much smaller.

I don't think you've spent too much money, but I suspect it's a bit too much stuff. I remember a few years ago when a couple was castigated for the pile - and it really was a mountain- of presents under the Christmas tree: a few people were all "Give them a break; loads is 'Poundland' stuff" as if that didn't make it exponentially worse . . .

@Teasy29
Sorry, I only just saw the comment that you also have a DS. My phone's a bit glitchy!

YABU to seem to just laugh about her father not being impressed, and then laugh again at the idea of lying to him that you’ve spent £150 instead of £200. The best present you can give her is a healthy relationship between her parents. You don’t have to defer to his view, but you do have to listen to it - instead of ignoring him and getting strangers on the internet to back him up.

I think that the number of presents is excessive. I think it’s overwhelming for a 5yo. She might appear overwhelmed, in fact I expect she’ll be giddily excited right through to #35! But she won’t care about 35 presents she’d care about 5. And longer term, you’re encouraging excitement at maternal excess.

The amount of money doesn’t bother me. But I’d reduce the parcels. The scooter, a single parcel of art materials, the dolls as a set.

Most of all though, I’d talk to her father.

*back you up

*material excess
Though it is maternal excess too

£150 isn't really much, considering there wasn't a party.

I honestly hang my head in shame when I think back to my twins 3rd birthday in January... We held it at a soft-play centre... And when I factor in things like the presents, balloons, party bags, 2 personalised cakes... When we added it up, there wasn't much change from £1000. We were horrified. Even £500 per kid felt like way too much extravagance. We were really embarrassed, and said "never again". Especially as the children don't really remember anything about it now. For their 4th, we're just going to do a little party at home.

Only thing is, the actual quantity could be overwhelming presented in a mass lump. If you'd like to see her taking her time over the items, trying on the clothes, playing with the toys etc, could you spread them out over a few days?

Can't see anything excessive here. The only problem is that you may be setting yourself up t have to meet future expectations which is what I have done at Christmas. My DC have come to expect over 50 presents off myself and DH, plus about 15 from my MIL and 25 from my DM. They've never specifically said but we've always done it like that so they kind of expect to get loads.

If you can afford it then I don’t think it’s a problem. I probably spend around the same amount, it also soon adds up when your not keeping track.

YABU to lie to your partner about how much you've spent.

I also think 35 presents is excessive and at that age children are more focused on the number rather than understanding how much they cost.

Why not put away some of the smaller gifts for ad-hoc "treats" or special occasions?

It's not the money that's the issue but the number of items. I think your dh was expecting proper gifts not a bunch of naff everyday items like socks and loungewear .

Unless the clothes and socks are exciting present-worthy items I wouldn't wrap them as gifts.
What's the point of wrapping socks up? It's one thing to add some fun socks to a Christmas stocking, but a bit different to add them to the Birthday pile.

I agree at 5 having so many presents is just going to overwhelm her. Did you really need to individually wrap each bracelet, socks etc?

Seems like an excessive amount of presents rather than an excessive amount of money. If I were spending £150 I'd rather buy one or two high quality things that would last. I also wouldn't be buying jewellery and make-up for a 5yo, but maybe that's just me.

I don't think its a crazy amount to spend but I would have gone for quality bits over quantity. The thought of 35 extra bits of stuff in my house makes me feel a bit stressed. We've scaled down birthdays a bit because I just can't stand loads of tat in the house. This year my 5 year old got a bike, some scented felt tips, a small playmobil set and a melissa and doug ice cream set. She was very happy and it isn't cluttering the house.