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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not feel guilty that I’ve gone a bit ott on Dd‘a birthday presents.

64 replies

Teasy29 · 05/07/2020 20:58

So this evening I’ve wrapped DC’s (soon to be 5) birthday presents. I’ve been buying bits here and there mainly online throughout lockdown. I don’t know how much I’ve spent but there’s about 35 presents 😬 some didn’t cost very much and some are clothes, socks etc. I made the most of sales and deals I doubt I’ve spent over £150! But I haven’t been counting 🤦‍♀️ Thankfully our finances haven’t changed during lockdown.

Dd was desperate for a birthday party this year which obviously isn’t happening. Probably won’t even get a day out because nowhere is really open here and I’m worried about going out and about anyway. We live in a touristy area.

I will get her a cake and make some party food for us to eat (won’t cost a lot)

Oh isn’t impressed I’ve bought so much. Aibu to not feel guilty? We do have different views on how much to spend. As a child oh wasn’t bought a lot. Whereas I was spoilt. I don’t think it’s affected me in the long run but I just want the same for for my children!

She was so desperate for a party, she’s had a rough year after losing a loved one just before lockdown and like all other children been off school missing her friends.

We don’t buy them much throughout the year! We don’t go on holidays (not been on holiday in 6 years due to various reasons), we don’t really spend above what we can afford, don’t have many days out and we aren’t in debt! So surely spoiling a 5 year old isn’t too bad if you can afford it?

A lot of the gifts are little things and pyjamas and socks!

It’s not like I have to spend money on a party this year now!

OP posts:

Aria2015 · 06/07/2020 12:40

I think it's ok although it wouldn't work for my soon to be 5 year old. I find when he gets too much (like at Christmas with everyone buying for him) that he gets overwhelmed and doesn't enjoy any one thing in particular because there's so much. He'll often just ignore all new gifts in favour of old toys. I've found that when he gets less he seems happier and more excited as he can focus on the couple of new bits. Each child is different though and if you think your child will enjoy it then there's no harm. It's done now anyway!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/07/2020 12:43

YANBU. I spend a lot on DS at birthdays/Christmas. One of the reasons I only had one child is because we were poor growing up and I want to give DS the things I never had. We go on fantastic holidays too.

I spoil him with gifts but he's not a brat. He has good manners, doesn't demand things and I'm bringing him up to understand that he is lucky to have the things he does.

As he is getting older though I tend to buy him things that are smaller but more expensive rather than loads of stuff cluttering up the house. At Christmas he got a Nintendo switch and games then a few smaller bits rather than a huge amount of presents that we don't have room for.

Idontlikewednesdays · 06/07/2020 12:53

35 presents is utterly ridiculous and gives your child a completely unrealistic bench mark. Not to mention that she’ll be bored rigid unwrapping so many.

dontdisturbmenow · 06/07/2020 12:53

This is more about you then your child. Its about the pleasure you get to get her excited and happy.

She won't be as excited as happy as you envision, at least not after the initial rush.

Sadly, one natural phenomenon that affect us all is that the more you get, the quicker blaze you become, the more you want and the more depress you get when you don't.

I don't think you are doing your child any favours by letting yourself get such satisfaction at spoiling your kid.

Yeahnahmum · 06/07/2020 14:41

If you can afford it, it is not over the top money wise. however..... The amount of presents is ludicrous. So I am with your Oh.

VenusClapTrap · 06/07/2020 21:09

Make up and lip balm for a five year old?

oblada · 06/07/2020 21:23

Seems like a lot of 'stuff' to me but to each their own. I wouldn't give my kids clothes as birthday presents or even things like accessories, for me it would be occasional treats, that kind of thing and id focus on 2-3 good quality presents for their birthday.
I also think it may be overwhelming but who knows. Money wise however not rly excessive if you can afford it. I'll spend a similar amount on my 6yrs old I expect. She doesn't want much so I'll end up spending about 60quids I expect (1 gift I've chosen, 1 gift she has asked for and 1 gift her older sister has chosen and is contributing to) but I'll give her 100pounds to spend on her and her sister's new bedroom once we've done a loft conversion in a couple of months. (Her sister will get the same as part of her birthday presents)

Namechangecringe · 06/07/2020 22:02

We spend £250ish so I don’t think the amount is an issue. The number of gifts is high but it would depend on what they were I think

PinkSkyBlue · 06/07/2020 22:16

The money spent is fine, but all that clutter in the house would drive me nuts!

HairyToity · 06/07/2020 22:20

I don't mind spoiling but I don't like plastic tat and future landfill. As long as you haven't bought loads of plastic it's fine by me.

BestZebbie · 06/07/2020 22:53

Can you make up a "birthday stocking" type package and bundle all the Claire's stuff together by calling it a princess set or similar? A box of dressing up stuff from Claires, a scooter, a doll and 2-3 other gifts (can also be bundles) seems like enough to "unwrap" and remember - you could also then make the pile big by using bigger boxes, at 5 a physically large gift is often more exciting than a billion tiny ones.

Bettysprocker · 06/07/2020 23:02

As long as you can afford it it's not even a lot you have spent, especially as it includes clothes and PJs. As a mum to one adult (24 ) and two teens I'd say enjoy it while they're young. That amount would barely cover the cost of a pair of trainers here. DS will be 16 next month and he's after the new iPhone as well as other gifts and a socially distanced garden party.

Heidi1976 · 07/07/2020 10:28

Maybe just to reduce the 'volume' of gifts you could wrap several up together so there are technically less to open? I don't think YABU though to spend that amount if you can afford it. I think she might get fed up of the actual opening at that age though so you could bulk them together?

ComeOnEileen11 · 07/07/2020 10:59

Personally I think 35 gifts is too much, although the amount is not, as long as you can afford it, which you've said you can.

I certainly don't think the amount should be hidden from your DH. YABU if you're not honest about it.

I would be picking a few good quality toys m/items etc as the presents, but then I'm against clutter. I wouldn't be wrapping the 'essentials' like socks up as presents either. I disagree with PP that wrapping clothes up is mean. I buy my neices "pretty dresses" and wrap them up because they adore them and they're not every day clothes. (Although they'd wear them every day if they could...). Every day basics aren't presents though.

I agree with PPs that 35 presents is overwhelming, that's why I wouldn't do large parties unless I have no choice/they're specifically requested, choosing special experiences with a friend or two or three instead.
My DS (although younger) gets overwhelmed with much less - it took 3 days for him to open his Christmas presents to save him being overwhelmed. I also want to ensure he is appreciative and grateful for gifts and I think that would be much harder when there are so many.

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