To be annoyed at a friend because of this

[Upset11friend]

Right so basically one of my close friends has had a child during the pandemic and of course I am still yet to meet her properly which is too understandable. However, what I am starting to get quite upset about is the fact that we are allowed to mix in small social bubbles now and I still have not been offered to meet her, it might only be family that have met my friend’s daughter but I should think by now that, given how close we were, that I now would be invited?

My friend does have anxiety, and I have always been there for her when she’s wanted to talk. Even after I had a baby we still did things together on weekends once or twice a month, as well as meeting up between those times for a chat. My friend was always encouraging for us to go for drinks now and again after I had my baby and sometimes I did feel a bit pressured because I didn’t want her to think that our friendship wasn’t important anymore. I just don’t get why I haven’t been invited to meet her little girl officially, I don’t mind being at a distance either, and she’d know this because I’ve never been one to want to hold other people’s babies! I’ve seen my friend and her baby at a distance out once but that’s it. I did offer for them to come around and hang out in the garden, or I come to her, when the restrictions were first lifted and she seemed grateful of the offer, but it hasn’t gone any further at all. I know she might be paranoid of me spreading germs due to the pandemic but surely being her close friend she wouldn’t think of me being so reckless to put myself in a position of catching covid (believe me I take all the precautions when shopping and don’t see other people out of shopping besides from my parents who don’t see anyone else outside of shopping and are ott with hygiene like me!) so I wouldn’t want to meet if I ever thought there was a chance of me having it, and anyway I don’t have to be indoors with them anyway, and don’t even have to hold her daughter, I just want to see her properly and just to have a chat with my friend and catch up!

I’m very worried that even after this pandemic has cleared that our friendship will never be the same. I think she won’t want to do much out of house without her daughter even when the pandemics over. She’s always been a control freak and she’s always been encouraging to do something when it suits her like going for a drink when I’ve said I don’t think I can leave my baby because bla bla bla but it’s always been “oh it’ll be ok” when it suits her. Like she moaned when she had a small hotel room at a family members’ birthday event before with a small uncomfortable bed when she was a few months pregnant but it was fine for me to sleep on a sofa bed when I was 6 months pregnant when we went away for the weekend!

Am I being unreasonable to think that this will affect our friendship and it’ll never be the same?

Do you often make everything about you?

Yab very u, and I think your friendship will tail off, not due to her actions though.

When they come, we're in the back garden distanced and they wear gloves and a mask

I don’t understand why you do this? Outside is the safest place to be so why the mask? And if your visitors wash their hands, why the gloves?

Just sounds like you’re trying to humiliate people. Do you also wear the PPE when these visitors are in your garden??

I gave birth 6 weeks ago

DH and I agreed that baby wouldn’t meet friends until family had

It’s a strange time

I don’t know how safe some friends have been keeping

The news stories change from children being unaffected to stories of children dying

YABU

Well, that was quite a whinge!

Read it back to yourself.

Your friend has had a baby in the middle of a really difficult time. She has anxiety.

You seem to be a seething cauldron if stored up resentment agains her.

Your post makes you seem a bit ‘Me, myself and I’
If you are too excited to wait why not so if you can see here through the window? And ask her if she needs any shopping dropping off at the same time.
If DF is anxious you will strain the relationship further by pushing for a proper meet up.

Why are you worried that this friendship may fizzle out given that you sound so unsupportive of each other? You clearly have a lot of unresolved resentment about being pressured to go out and leave your baby by this friend and now seem to feel it's time to 'cash that in' and expect her to do the same because she pressured you. Have you ever spoken to her about how you felt then back then? Please remember that these are unprecedented times. She has a new baby in a global pandemic and is rightly keeping her family safe. You have no divine right to have visits or cuddles but may find if you offer support rather than labelling her as over anxious then she'll be more open to that relationship.

Just because we are allowed to meet in small social bubbles doesn’t meant everyone wants to though. I still don’t want to see my friends at the moment; far too anxious for it, and that’s without a new born!

You sound extremely immature. I had a baby during lockdown and it was a very different experience to my previous non lockdown babies. It has been a really scary time and if you were any sort of friend you would try to understand how and why your friend might be finding it difficult to allow people to meet her baby.

Sorry but your friend is probably more concerned about her new baby than you. I’m due in a few weeks and baby won’t be meeting anyone at first as newborns are vulnerable and I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened. And that’s my right as his mother.
It’s unbelievably selfish that you’re making this all about you.

Right so basically I don’t think you understand your friend has given birth in the middle of this horrific pandemic. Had it been me, I think I’d most definitely be wary of people meeting my tiny little baby during such times. So basically I think you’re really only thinking of yourself. Can’t you remember the emotions and hormones after giving birth? I can’t imagine how women who have just had babies must be feeling with everything else going on.

If our Baby had survived. He or she would have being born during lockdown. The only people holding him or her or even being within 2 metres would have being me and my OH anyone else would have seen Baby via FaceTime. Babies aren't dolls to be passed around

That post was easily 5 times longer than necessary to get your point across.

Yanbu to be hurt if that's how you feel, your feelings are your own.
Yabu on everything else. Let her decide who she wants to see and when. Presuming you arent 12....

How do you ‘officially’ meet a baby? Are uniforms, a three-gun salute and a certificate involved? You’ve already seen the baby, for heaven’s sake, and as your feelings towards her mother are primarily irritation and dislike, surely the ‘friendship’ isn’t a priority to you either?

Give your friend a break for goodness sake
You sound very self centred

YANBU to be disappointed not to see them but YABU to change the friendship over it alone. Everyone is reacting differently at the moment and has different things they are comfortable with. Having a new baby can make you anxious anyway, let alone when you are imagining germs everywhere in a pandemic. Her behaviour when you had a baby may not have been great but you need to decide, is she usually a good friend and didn't understand what it is like having a new baby, or is she actually a but selfish and this is part of this. Whether you are BU depends on the wider content of your friendship I think.

The baby won’t be allowed to shake hands anyway.

The responsibility/worry I felt after first born was huge. Add a pandemic into it and I can't imagine how difficult it could be for some new mothers.

You have seen the baby, not sure what else you expect or why you think it is an indication friendship is over. Be supportive via phone and text. You don't like holding babies maybe friend feels you won't want to come stand in garden to look again. Or maybe she is struggling as new mum. It is very unlikely she has decided she no longer needs friendship.

YABU. You clearly don't even like her so what's the problem?

It's a person, not a new vase.

It sounds like this friendship hasn't stood the test of time. Maybe she is pulling away without even realising.

Is your OP for real?
Hard to believe anyone could be so completely self-centred. All about YOU and your fragile feelings.
You don’t sound like a friend at all. Go and self-reflect on why you think your friends world should revolve around you. Oh, and stop being so needy.

Your friend who has anxiety has given birth in the middle of a pandemic. You really need to give her a break.

A lot of her support network that she expected to have rallied around her probably couldn't. She's almost certainly had to manage her family's dissapontment at not seeing the baby, she shouldn't need to manage yours.

I'm sorry she wasn't fully supportive of your needs in pregnancy and with a new baby. It's hard to imagine how uncomfortable a small bump can be when you've not experienced it (although I'm coming up to 6 months with my second and both times could deal with uncomfortable sleeping arrangements much better at 6 months than 3!). It's also hard to understand how hard it is for some women to leave their babies, I'm sure she gets it now even if she didn't when you had a tiny baby!

Your original point seems crazy. This is not a big deal at all. This is a very newborn baby still. It can take some people a while to settle down and start socialising when a new baby comes along (for any number of reasons) so I wouldn’t necessarily expect a new mum to ask me over that quickly in normal times let alone in the middle of a pandemic when we are still socially distancing.

I understand why you are disappointed. New babies are lovely and it’s a shame you haven’t been able to see it as much as you’d like. But get some perspective here. You are a good friend but you aren’t family. A friend of mine has had a grandchild born during lockdown and hasn’t seen him IRL yet, only over FaceTime.

The rest of your points seem very petty. They are the sort of minor disagreements and frictions that are normal when people spend a lot of time together It reads as if you are searching for things to justify your dissatisfaction with her .

This will only alter your friendship if you let it. As I said above, it’s not a big deal.

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I couldn't read your whole op. The tone is very angry. Having said that when an old friend didnt introduce be to her 2nd born or thank me for a present I sent, I saw how one sided our friendship was. We met up a few times just us two then decided to call it a day.
Try not to invest too much, stay in contact over the phone occasionally and give her a chance to come to you. If she doesnt make contact and all the calls are one sided you have your answer.

I also didn’t manage to get through the whole thing, but what struck me op was your me me me tone, with absolutely no empathy or ability to put yourself in her shoes, a woman with a new born, born during a pandemic. And who suffers anxiety at the best of times.