Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

Yester

I’d say your examples are quite different from leaving children alone, in the dark and basically accessible to anyone whilst they are sleeping.

If I’m dull and boring in your opinion, I can live with that.

A lot of the high profile child abductions from the 1980s were either carried out, or suspected to have been carried out, by the same person. Thats part of the reason why they are such widely known.

And that’s the point sonja, because we can to a point risk assess that. I mean, I know I’m not going to murder my children!

But what no one can predict is who might be in an area at any given moment or what their intentions may be.

Absolutely no way and I’m not usually a worrier. But young kids alone in an exposed garden with no adults really makes me uncomfortable.
I would say no.

No - a few weeks ago I was going to sleep out in our garden with my son - as our garden isn’t secure .DP talked me out of it . That same night there was a burglary in our village and an aggravated burglary a few miles away . Sadly not worth the risk .

I have to say I’m a pretty relaxed parent but My DC 12 & 10 have done a few garden campings this year and either DH or I have gone in the tent with them. It was uncomfortable and a bit inconvenient but we did it and all fine. Maybe a larger group of children is better but I wouldn’t feel okay with it.

Oh, on re-reading the ages and number of children, yes, I would allow it, depending on how far away the neighbours were...from what I remember of sleepovers at that age, there was more shrieking than sleeping!

Yes, we did when ours were young BUT our garden is fully enclosed so to get to it someone would have had to climb over several fences and go through other gardens.
I think if the garden is exposed that’s a different matter.

@darkcaramel but then surely you wouldn't let your DC's go for any sleepovers? I have let my DC stay at people's houses that I don't know.

No and I say this as someone who from age 12 camped with friends in woods, hitched with friends and alone. I even ran away from home with a friend at 13 and hitched over 100 miles away. I'm 35 and my mother literally couldn't give a fuck once my sister went to university, I was left to do whatever I wanted.

I always think of Sophie Hook and it is heartbreaking.

@AtaMarie

Mine did this earlier in the lockdown, they’re 6 and 8 and we were metres away from them in our bedroom, with the door open.

I’m in NZ where children have more independence at an earlier age. I was going into the bush and camping with friends by the time I was 13.

Yep mine too - I've stayed out with them a couple of times and a couple of times I've been back in the house with the window open. They do movie night, chat and go to sleep.

Life is full of risks. If you worried what if you would live a very dull and boring life

Depends if you view camping exciting I guess lol
To me, camping is horrible, cold, uncomfortable and insects everywhere. I never enjoyed it even as a kid so no, I don’t find it particularly thrilling or exciting. Not everyone enjoys the same stuff 🤷‍♀️

I just read that link about Sophie Hook, that is so sad and I don't think I'll be getting that out of my head for a long time (partly because I have a six year old daughter). We camped on our trampoline once in a fully enclosed, which would be considerably difficult to get into and I barely slept as I was constantly checking she was ok. No way I'd let kids camp alone.

Well, not all of them, although I agree that in some cases more than one victim was taken.

But we had poor Caroline Hogg, and that accounted for other victims too agreed.

Then there was Mark tildesley and again that accounted for at least three other cases.

But then there was also Marie Payne, that was stand-alone as far as I know. Also Nicola and Karen in 1986 and I don’t think there were any more victims in that case.

Let them stay out until late then bring them in. They still get the fun of camping but they're safe in the house.

Nope, wouldn’t let them

OP, considering the ages of the children, I would actually let them sleep out.
Maybe casually ask if someone will be within earshot & door open for toilet?
(I let mine do this every summer from around age 8/9 onwards. Granted, I sleep downstairs on the settee and we have dogs that will bark at anyone approaching our house! )

I let my 11 yr old and 6 yr old camp out over lockdown alone when the weather was nice. The way our houses are, you can’t get into our garden without going over at least two other gardens and 6ft high fences and there is no access to our garden from the front of our house. It is completely enclosed, no side access or rear access. We also know all the adjoining neighbours. If there was a footpath or any access to the garden, I would maybe not let them.

sonja I’m not going to say that’s not a tough one because it is! But I think I wouldn’t allow a sleepover unless I knew the parents, and more importantly my child felt confident in saying no, or I want to ring my mum.

Like a PP we have nocturnal cameras, just because of deer and badgers but it is surprising and more than a little creepy just how many people prowl around in the wee small hours and they’ve no reason to, here, it’s the middle of a dirt track that ends here. I’m not saying they are all sinister evil people before everyone jumps on me but I do think some are possibly looking for an opportunity. And I think that is the real difference. I think thirty years ago men (let’s be honest, it almost always is men) has the opportunity to abuse children they didn’t know, because they roamed around unsupervised, and that doesn’t happen now, so things have changed.

Please don’t anyone think there’s an implicit criticism there, there isn’t. It’s really hard and besides there comes a point where restricting your child’s activities is harmful in itself. But I’m cautious, because I think if my child died in a RTA or from illness, I’d eventually make some sort of peace from it. Don’t misinterpret that as me not caring but I think I would be able to move on whilst still heartbroken. But I can’t imagine being Sophie Hook’s mother and loving anything close to a normal life, I just can’t. The poor woman

DS (12) has spent several nights so far this summer sleeping in our garden on his own. I wouldn't dream of letting an absolutely tiny number of horrific attacks over several years stop him from doing this. Risk assessment is a funny old thing - we let our children do all sorts of things that are much more likely to end badly.

Nope. Not on my watch

Let them stay out until late then bring them in. They still get the fun of camping but they're safe in the house.

How do they get the fun of camping though if they're not actually staying in the tent overnight? Surely the sleeping in the tent bit is the camping?

but it is surprising and more than a little creepy just how many people prowl around in the wee small hours and they’ve no reason to

Yup! Our house backs onto fields and we also have cctv. The amount of people who hang around at night in the fields/ woodland behind the houses in our road is really quite creepy and I’m not talking 9pm I’m talking 3-4 am

Sophie Hook was murdered long before I became a parent.

Nonetheless, it stayed with me and our kids were only allowed to camp in the garden if an adult was sleeping next to the tent opening.

We camped out from about 9, I'd let them just give them a phone and a key to get in if they want.