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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make ‘a bigger fuss’ of single friend on her birthday?

67 replies

NotOneSaturdayNightPlan · 03/07/2020 19:37

Her birthday is September so hopefully we’re out of this completely.

Out of our wee group of 6, the youngest is single. Everyone else is married or in a long term relationship.

I think we should try and organise something for her 30th. I don’t mean anything big like a holiday, I just suggested that we all make the commitment now to spend the day together. It takes bloody forever to get something organised due to shifts/ childcare etc which is why I’m suggesting it now.

One of the others said we didn’t do that for anyone else’s birthday, but tbh everyone else spent it with their DP.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BendingSpoons · 03/07/2020 19:39

It's a nice thing to do. When you don't have a partner it's nice to know you have plans for things like birthdays.

ZoeyCha · 03/07/2020 19:41

YANBU, that is a really nice thing to do. It wouldn’t be nice for her to worry about who she is going to be spending the day with.

lidoshuffle · 03/07/2020 19:44

I'm sure that would be very much appreciated for a milestone birthday, especially after months of being cut off from everyone.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 03/07/2020 19:44

That's a lovely idea and it's a shame the others don't have the empathy and thoughtfulness you do!

LouiseTrees · 03/07/2020 19:44

It’s lovely and you should explain that to the friend. If she decides not to go then cool there’s still 4 of you going.

chipsandpeas · 03/07/2020 19:46

as a single person id feel a bit patronised and felt sorry for as i was single and wold just expect to get the same as my other friends

Original poster
NotOneSaturdayNightPlan · 03/07/2020 19:47

I’m so annoyed by her 🤯

OP posts:
Original poster
NotOneSaturdayNightPlan · 03/07/2020 19:50

as a single person id feel a bit patronised and felt sorry for as i was single and wold just expect to get the same as my other friends

I was worried about this, but we’re quite relaxed about birthdays really. I was away for my 30th so didn’t see them for about a month. I’d like to offer her the chance to spend it with us.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 03/07/2020 19:51

chipsandpeas I do get what you're saying, but if it was framed as a 'let's arrange it now so we have something to look forward to' rather than 'you sad single, we'd better spend the day with as you'll otherwise be spending it alone and miserable', hopefully she wouldn't feel that way.

OP, does she have family she might prefer to spend it with?

chipsandpeas · 03/07/2020 19:52

@MsVestibule

chipsandpeas I do get what you're saying, but if it was framed as a 'let's arrange it now so we have something to look forward to' rather than 'you sad single, we'd better spend the day with as you'll otherwise be spending it alone and miserable', hopefully she wouldn't feel that way.

OP, does she have family she might prefer to spend it with?

i do get that but if as a group of friends its not the normal way to celebrate birthdays then it would be quite noticable that the single friend is getting treated differently
BikerWife · 03/07/2020 19:54

I think it would be nice to suggest to her you all do something special Smile

SisterAgatha · 03/07/2020 19:56

I think it’s lovely and because it’s a 30th you can push the boat out without it looking like pity. Which it isn’t anyway. It’s a nice thing to do, OP Smile

Original poster
NotOneSaturdayNightPlan · 03/07/2020 19:56

She’s close to her mum, so was definitely going to suggest it as ‘we’re ready to party but can also do the day before/after if you’re spending time with your mum’.

OP posts:
Callipygion · 03/07/2020 19:56

I’d ask her if she was planning anything special with her family, and if not would she like to do something with your group of friends. Give her the choice rather than landing a surprise, she might not particularly like, on her.

Intruiged · 03/07/2020 19:57

I would feel very patronised and don't want people feeling sorry for me. I'd be hurt.

sangrias · 03/07/2020 19:58

Sounds great and I would appreciate that if I were the friend.

FaceOfASpink · 03/07/2020 19:59

YANBU YABLovely
You can say it's being done differently because she's the group's last chance to celebrate a 30th

strawbmilk · 03/07/2020 19:59

My single friend would appreciate it. It would be spending a bit more but I wouldn't mind as she has made a fuss over our wedding and kids being born so has spent a fortune over the years.

Pambalambalam · 03/07/2020 20:00

I think that’s lovely

thepeopleversuswork · 03/07/2020 20:00

Nice of you to think of her and make a fuss

I’d also be a bit careful of projecting the suggestion that she must be desperately lonely as she’s single. There are a lot of us and many of us actually prefer it 😊

But by all means treat her.

yearinyearout · 03/07/2020 20:02

That's a lovely idea and I'm sure it will be appreciated. Might be worth checking with her family though, to make sure it doesn't clash with any other plans?

Chochito · 03/07/2020 20:02

YANBU, OP. I wish you were my friend.

Cheesypea · 03/07/2020 20:07

Why dont you ask her what she wants to do?

GallusAlice79 · 03/07/2020 20:10

I'm quite surprised that it isn't the done thing to see your friend/celebrate with her on/near her birthday.

In our group it would be strange not to see friends at their birthday. Especially a 30th.

I always feel quite sad when I read about single people getting no effort from their married/coupled up friends.

Nice effort on OP's part, just a shame it isn't normal.

Levrierssontmeilleurs · 03/07/2020 20:11

Does she want to ? I’d ask - personally I’d hate it