To make ‘a bigger fuss’ of single friend on her birthday?

[NotOneSaturdayNightPlan]

Her birthday is September so hopefully we’re out of this completely.

Out of our wee group of 6, the youngest is single. Everyone else is married or in a long term relationship.

I think we should try and organise something for her 30th. I don’t mean anything big like a holiday, I just suggested that we all make the commitment now to spend the day together. It takes bloody forever to get something organised due to shifts/ childcare etc which is why I’m suggesting it now.

One of the others said we didn’t do that for anyone else’s birthday, but tbh everyone else spent it with their DP.

AIBU?

I think it's a lovely idea. Your going above & beyond to make someone feel special & loved. That can never be a bad thing.

@strawbmilk My single friend would appreciate it. It would be spending a bit more but I wouldn't mind as she has made a fuss over our wedding and kids being born so has spent a fortune over the years.

This. Everyone forgets this bit. The time, the thought the sacrifice - these are your most important days but to her she's there because she's supporting you not because she loves buying dresses she won't wear for years and talking to your relatives.

OP I think it's a lovely idea and you are a great friend. People often have a day with family too and so it's not unusual so have one set of friends another day and it doesn't imply you have nothing else going on.

Can we be bff?
You sound so thoughtful!

I'm single and I would absolutely love someone to say 'hey would you like me to organise something for your birthday, I really want to'.

Agree with pp who say it is more about recognising the bigger contribution she has made to your lives in terms of attending engagement parties, weddings and christenings.

Also in terms of gifts where the balance is rarely equal or a gesture towards recognising the imbalance - you don't give in order to receive but if you have forked out for presents for friend/dcs/dps and receive a present equivalent just to the one you gave to the friend alone it can rankle.

Lovely idea OP as long as it does centre your friend without patronising her. It would be a bit shit if it becomes a couples party with her tagging along - although it might highlight the advantages of being single

@Smallsteps88
@NotOneSaturdayNightPlan

Thank you!!

I'm single and would appreciate this so much and not feel patronised at all. It's a lovely idea and you are a very good friend OP

As a single mother I really dread birthdays as it's the one time I feel so alone as don't really get presents and all the Facebook stuff of people saying I hope you get spoiled and Having to pretend that I was when my kids don't even remember. I'd love to have a friend like you. What a lovely thing to do.

YANBU. It’s a great idea, and more people should look out for their single friends. You’re a lovely person OP, many people just think about themselves, especially once they have a family.

I had a friend want to do this when I turned 30. Her and her husband were arranging a surprise party, had provisionally booked a party.

Then she realised she was stepping on my Mum’s toes and didn’t know any of my family so she didn’t do it but she did tell me about her plans.

As it so happened, my family didn’t have plans for me as such...they just didn't want any one else doing something nice for me.

I still consider it one of the nicest things anyone has ever thought of for me. Such a beautiful gesture.

She’s the sort that will pop me round a bunch of roses from the kids on Valentines or buy me something really special that I’d never get for myself because she knows I don’t really get flowers or a fuss made.

What a gem. You sound equally lovely OP

Had provisionally booked a “venue” I mean

It’s a lovely thought. I’m the only singleton out of my friendship group and they really make a fuss of me on my birthday which is so, so sweet.

I’d love it. I often feel that nobody cares much about my bday and everyone else has partners to do things for them to make it special.

You're a lovely friend, she's very lucky.

I think it's a nice thing to do, so long as you're sure that she does like to celebrate her birthday (I hate to be reminded of mine, and, though I'm untypical in this way, it is possible that in this particular case, some people may be giving her a vibe of 'Still single at 30? - you need to get a move on'; so try to be sure first that the birthday is something that she regards positively.) But I would not present it in any way that could be interpreted as 'Poor you, you're single, we must comfort you for that' but rather as 'One of the first special occasions since the pandemic - let's splurge and have fun!' At the same time, speaking as one of the world's top pessimists, make sure that you make arrangements that could easily be changed or postponed without too much expense in the event of a second wave or a local lockdown.

Oh god I’d hate this too.

It’s a really nice thought but I’m also single and I’d hate my friends discussing what to do for my birthday behind my back because I’m single. Maybe see if she wants to do something with you for her birthday first and then suggest that you organise something with all your other pals if she sounds keen and just make it clear you’re around to celebrate if she’d like to.

You are obviously a really kind and thoughtful person but I’d feel patronised and embarrassed to be treated differently to the rest of the group because of my marital statues

I would be thrilled I think that's a lovely gesture