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Original poster

"D"H called me a fat c*nt

83 replies

Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:02

This is what "D"H called me tonight during an argument.

I like to catastrosize (sorry spelling) arguements and always think "this is the end"

But I'm actually starting to think it is

He started an argument with me because DD1's hair was too tangled after I'd bathed and washed her hair... Then it transpires that he has the hump with me because he would've "quite liked to have got some fresh air " himself today instead he's had to be "lumped" with my plans

My plans/day was as follows:

Got up with the kids , got them both dressed , DD1 wanted to go out for a jog so we took DD2 in the buggy and went for a jog (gone about 30 mins?). Came back gave the kids breakfast.

My DDad came into garden so I could sort something on his phone, he had cuppa and left.

I said to DH I'm going to friends garden at lunch for a catch up. Will get DD2 to sleep for a nap, and bring DD1 with me. He just needs to wake DD2 at the 1 hour mark (or bedtime is hell) and I will be back shortly after.

I got back 2 hours after putting DD1 to sleep and he hadn't woke her.

He then spent the rest of the day on the sofa. I cooked dinner, he barely spat out a thanks - well he didn't actually say thanks

Then it kicked off at bathtime. About the hair. Then he started complaining that I was selfish (for not drying/washing her hair properly !?!) And that everything I do is shit, and that he is fed up of fixing things that I mess up and that he would've liked to have done his own plans today

When I pointed out that he could've gone out this morning while i was running with the kids, or painted the fences while DD2 napped... This wasn't good enough... It escalated until he punched the coffee table several times and the baby monitor breaking the screen completely and marched into another room while I consoled a frightened DD1.

After she was settled I went into the room he was in and took his bank card out of his wallet and said I was buying a new monitor and "you're paying". It escalated again he was very aggressive and threatened to smash my fucking face in if I didn't give him the card back and called me a fat cunt.

LTB, right ....?

OP posts:
LouHotel · 02/07/2020 21:41

He reacted with violence before you took the bank card - if you dont want to call the police tonight then please go to your dads with your kids and then maybe call womens aid whilst there to talk through his behaviour.

''And I cant see anything I dont wrong done'

That makes it sound like you think some other time you've argued and he's reacted poorly that it was justified.

Threatening violence on your spouse is never justified, the reason you feel so confused and awful now is because you know for an absolute fact you've done nothing to provoke it but I bet if you look back at the other times you've argued you probably didn't do anything 'wrong' then but he's probably been gaslighting you for a long time to accept certain behaviours and act a certain way.

IWillNotNameTheTree · 02/07/2020 21:41

What would you tell your daughter to do if this was happening to her?

Your child witnessed him being violent, it terrified her. What more do you need? Leave.

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:41

@Frontalswaps please try leave tonight. could you stay at your friends place or any family close enough?

Lockdownseperation · 02/07/2020 21:42

Violence in front of the children. If he was my husband he would be a divorced cunt.

TheTrollFairy · 02/07/2020 21:43

His anger with you is getting worse. Spitting at your partner is not what happens in a healthy relationship. I would definitely be out of there

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:43

@LouHotel

He reacted with violence before you took the bank card - if you dont want to call the police tonight then please go to your dads with your kids and then maybe call womens aid whilst there to talk through his behaviour.

''And I cant see anything I dont wrong done'

That makes it sound like you think some other time you've argued and he's reacted poorly that it was justified.

Threatening violence on your spouse is never justified, the reason you feel so confused and awful now is because you know for an absolute fact you've done nothing to provoke it but I bet if you look back at the other times you've argued you probably didn't do anything 'wrong' then but he's probably been gaslighting you for a long time to accept certain behaviours and act a certain way.

This so so so much. You are a victim of abuse. Please leave now.
FishyDuck · 02/07/2020 21:44

I'd be calling 3 or 4 male family members over tomorrow morning in case he kicks off and removing my stuff and the D.C.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/07/2020 21:45

End this relationship before he escalates even more.

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:46

@FishyDuck not even sure tomorrow is soon enough. please also make sure he does not see what is on here in case he gets angry about you leaving

PatchworkElmer · 02/07/2020 21:48

How would you feel if your DDs were treated like this in the future? This isn’t a healthy situation for any of you. LTB!!

Gin4thewin · 02/07/2020 21:51

Do not try to justify or pacify his behaviour. YOU did nothing wrong lovely, you did not deserve that and your babies should never have had to see that. Call the police, get out if you can, keep safe and never look back. Imagine if a friend called you saying her dh did that to her? You and your babies are not safe with him there. Every single person telling you to run for the hills is not wrong. His behaviour is not okay and taking his bank card does not excuse it by a long mile. You wont be wasting police time, that phone call is more than justified, please call them, tell them everything and get yourself safe xx

Original poster
Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:51

I don't think he would give a shit if I left, im sure he hates me ?

I'm so torn I've got to work all weekend and he was supposed to be looking after the children, what am I going to do?

I was due to go round my mum's garden tomorrow with the DDs

I could break lockdown one day early and stay over... But I've got to go work Saturday and Sunday.... I don't want to frighten the DDs if I leave them with my to go to work...

I feel like I need a few days to get my stuff in order

OP posts:
PablosHoney · 02/07/2020 21:53

You poor woman, what a horrible unprovoked behaviour from him.

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:53

@Frontalswaps I am sure work would understand if you called and explained why you can't come in

RosieCockle · 02/07/2020 21:54

Ugh. What an utter pig of a man.

Ladybyrd · 02/07/2020 21:54

My ex screamed cunt at me in the street. After 10 years of it, a little voice in my head said "What the hell are you doing?" As I walked towards him. I turned around and never looked back.

Your DH sounds like a lazy, selfish arse. You don't really get to criticise other people's efforts if you can't be bothered to get up and do it yourself.

Tiny37373 · 02/07/2020 21:55

@Frontalswaps go to your mums tomorrow and stay there. I get that it's scary and you feel you need time to get things in order but sometimes these things are best done on a snap decision. With time you'll calm down and start to think everything isn't so bad after all. And the cycle will continue.

ShebaShimmyShake · 02/07/2020 21:58

LTB, right ....?

Right.

Mojitomogul · 02/07/2020 22:00

Definitely go to your mums! You poor thing, what horrendous behaviour from him. Dont forgive this or excuse it. It will only get worse.

amusedtodeath1 · 02/07/2020 22:06

Yes absolutely, you must leave, do you have anyone close by you can stay with? Don't be afraid to call the police if he acts like that again. Don't wait until he hurts you.

You deserve much better Sad

caribooshriek · 02/07/2020 22:13

Hi OP, can you tell your employer that you have a "family emergency" and get some time off to sort things out? Can you kick him out? So sorry you're having to go through this!Thanks

JuanNil · 03/07/2020 01:11

Just in case you're still unsure about the bank card thing...

Let's focus on the morality for a second. It's wrong to keep a hold of the bank card.

What should you do if somebody does that to you? Ask for it back, insist on getting it back, if you don't get it back after that, call the police as it's theft.

That's what any reasonable person would do. That is what he should have done.

The way he reacted was completely out of line. Whatever 'wrong' you did, he has no right to abuse you, for ANY reason. So don't focus on the bank card. That's not the issue and anybody will be able to see that. You won't be blamed for what he did to you.

I hope you manage to find the strength within you to leave as soon as humanly possible Thanks

wildone84 · 03/07/2020 01:16

Oh dear. That’s really bad OP. I don’t know how you could get past that. I couldn’t.

chocolatemademefat · 03/07/2020 08:25

Don’t let your kids grow up thinking this is how families are. You and they deserve better. Make a better life for you and for them. He sounds like a nasty child but he’s an adult - an adult you dont have to put up with. I dont see him getting any better in his treatment of you.

LakieLady · 03/07/2020 08:40

Another LTB from me.

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