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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"D"H called me a fat c*nt

83 replies

Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:02

This is what "D"H called me tonight during an argument.

I like to catastrosize (sorry spelling) arguements and always think "this is the end"

But I'm actually starting to think it is

He started an argument with me because DD1's hair was too tangled after I'd bathed and washed her hair... Then it transpires that he has the hump with me because he would've "quite liked to have got some fresh air " himself today instead he's had to be "lumped" with my plans

My plans/day was as follows:

Got up with the kids , got them both dressed , DD1 wanted to go out for a jog so we took DD2 in the buggy and went for a jog (gone about 30 mins?). Came back gave the kids breakfast.

My DDad came into garden so I could sort something on his phone, he had cuppa and left.

I said to DH I'm going to friends garden at lunch for a catch up. Will get DD2 to sleep for a nap, and bring DD1 with me. He just needs to wake DD2 at the 1 hour mark (or bedtime is hell) and I will be back shortly after.

I got back 2 hours after putting DD1 to sleep and he hadn't woke her.

He then spent the rest of the day on the sofa. I cooked dinner, he barely spat out a thanks - well he didn't actually say thanks

Then it kicked off at bathtime. About the hair. Then he started complaining that I was selfish (for not drying/washing her hair properly !?!) And that everything I do is shit, and that he is fed up of fixing things that I mess up and that he would've liked to have done his own plans today

When I pointed out that he could've gone out this morning while i was running with the kids, or painted the fences while DD2 napped... This wasn't good enough... It escalated until he punched the coffee table several times and the baby monitor breaking the screen completely and marched into another room while I consoled a frightened DD1.

After she was settled I went into the room he was in and took his bank card out of his wallet and said I was buying a new monitor and "you're paying". It escalated again he was very aggressive and threatened to smash my fucking face in if I didn't give him the card back and called me a fat cunt.

LTB, right ....?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 02/07/2020 21:22

Dunp him, I mean.

zaffa · 02/07/2020 21:25

Yes. Second time I've ever said this but LTB. That is no way to talk to anyone - the violence alone would be enough to really set me on edge and I would worry that DD would become used to it and think that's how people behave.

LouHotel · 02/07/2020 21:25

No you shouldn't LTB.

You should call the police and let them take the bastard.

He demonstrated a significant amount of rage in front of your child and then threatened you, get him removed.

Ohnoherewego62 · 02/07/2020 21:27

Get over to your dads now.

Thats ridiculous. Spoilt badly behaved man child.

Are you ok/safe?

teabaseddiet · 02/07/2020 21:27

I'm with @Louhotel - call the police because he's threatening you. Get him out and away from you all.

Youngatheart00 · 02/07/2020 21:27

He sounds absolutely vile. I think you already know by posting what you need to do. Please don’t let this go. Get yourself and your children out of there.

teabaseddiet · 02/07/2020 21:27

I'm with @Louhotel - call the police because he's threatening you. Get him out and away from you all.

CluelessBaker · 02/07/2020 21:31

Yes - you don’t really have an alternative. I’m so sorry, he sounds like an absolute shit. Life is going to be so much better when you’ve left him.

Fosler · 02/07/2020 21:31

Yes. Call the police. Get your ducks in a row and either get him out or leave! It really won't get better! Been there! Done that! Im now blissfully happy on my own.

Original poster
Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:32

I don't want to try and minimise here but I did take his bank card and not give it back, as I wanted to purchase a new monitor to replace the one he broke

Would me taking/not giving back, be seen as provoking him?

OP posts:
lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:33

please leave. even if he did not touch you physically he was violent in front of you intimidating you with the damage he could do to you and even threatened you. please for the sake of the children leave

Redroses05 · 02/07/2020 21:34

Has he done this before?

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 02/07/2020 21:34

Good God, yes. Has he ever been violent before?

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:34

@Frontalswaps absolutely not. he reaction was not appropriate please don't go looking for excuse for the way he behaved

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:35

Is there anyone that you can stay with and leave tonight? I am worried you and the children might be in danger

Original poster
Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:36

He has threatened me before when this escalated

And we've both been a bit pushy/gravy

And s couple of arguement ago he spat at me

He's definitely getting worse

And I can't see anything I done wrong today

OP posts:
Original poster
Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:36

Sorry when it's* escalated

OP posts:
Ohnoherewego62 · 02/07/2020 21:36

We all get provoked by things: bad day at work, children playing up, fallout with friends etc it never gives anyone the right to get physical and threaten or abuse.

You know this. What's stopping you?

Original poster
Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:36

Grabby not gravy Confused

OP posts:
lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 21:37

@Frontalswaps you have done nothing wrong there is no excuse for the way he behaved

jenniuol · 02/07/2020 21:37

100% leave. Now. Could you stay with your dad? How are your finances etc? I wouldn’t be leaving your children with him alone. Hope you’re ok op.

Cherrysoup · 02/07/2020 21:39

Doesn’t matter if you provoked him. Most people would not react with violence.

Original poster
Frontalswaps · 02/07/2020 21:39

Usually I can reflect back and think "okay I did do this maybe I should've done that

But I did nothing wrong today

OP posts:
Tiny37373 · 02/07/2020 21:39

Op this isn't right. Imagine how your dd must have felt seeing her dad lash out so angrily. She will have been terrified. Don't make this the norm for your kids. Leave for them if not for yourself.

FWIW I was in a relationship with someone abusive who regularly used to throw insults like this around and was prone to fits of rage. And my life has been 100% better happier and calmer since I left.

Please reach out to family or friends for support and make a better life for you and your kids.

Time2change2 · 02/07/2020 21:40

So sorry OP this sound awful. Can you stay with a friend or family? Do you have anywhere you could get away? How long have you been with him?
Please don’t think it’s anything you have done- nothing excuses this violent aggressive behaviour! You must have been scared this evening when he acted like that?