to be a bit upset by this gift?

[thisusernameismine]

I've left my job after over ten years and my boss is giving me a £1k budget with an upmarket wine merchant as a leaving present. I stopped drinking in Jan but unfortunately have gone a bit back into it over lockdown - I am determined to get back on track especially as I'm now jobless and mum to a toddler! It was common knowledge I wasn't drinking anymore at the start of the year and I've mentioned more recently how bad it is for my head. I mentioned the wine merchant is upmarket as he only sells posh stuff which is wasted on me anyway!

Do I say I cannot use this gift?! I've spoken to the wine merchant (mutual contact) and he's absolutely fine to not take the budget.

Just don't know how to give the gift 'back' 😭

[NoSquirrels]

If you're friendly with the wine merchant, and know your feelings on it, can't they accept the £1K, and then give it to you instead? I mean, technically it's like a refund of a store voucher, or whatever? Offer to spend £250 of it with them on something, and they give you back the rest? Depends how friendly you are with them, I guess?

[unlikelytobe]

Might be a silly question but does the wine merchant sell anything else? You could get ten years supply of soft drinks maybe!

[NoSquirrels]

Simplest and best thing to do, though, is just to say

"Dear Boss - gosh, what an amazingly generous gift. How lovely of you to think of it. I've actually stopped drinking much at all, so I won't take you up on it, but thank you for the offer. I do hope you understand - I don't want you to think I don't appreciate the gesture."

and leave it there. They can decide to gift you something else if they want, or they can decide to not give you anything.

[SmileyClare]

Firstly well done on your new found sobriety.

I think you're looking a gift horse in the mouth here. Your current attitude that alcohol is almost devil's juice that you don't want to be associated with in any form is a little odd but perhaps understandable if you associate it with your own bad experiences.

Why not cash it in by buying an expensive bottle and selling it? I can't see you being able to exchange your voucher otherwise.

I worked as a cleaner for a wine merchant years ago. A lovely eccentric man, filthy rich, pissed all the time but very knowledgeable about the value of certain wines. He once dropped a bottle of wine on the floor and was quite upset. It transpired it was worth over a thousand pounds.

[thisusernameismine]

@NoSquirrels I really like that idea! Will talk to my husband about it.

I'm not an alcoholic, well I didn't think so.. but get into these spaces where I'm drinking daily and it's terrible for me. I really need to get on my feet in terms of job now too and believe me, daily drinking makes that very difficult. Plus I've an 18 month old to look after.

In terms of budget, I know that the wine merchant will be paid £1k but yes we would probably get more than £1k's worth.

The company is small and we all know each other very well which is why my new sobriety path was 'common knowledge'. Perhaps my boss just thought it was a phase but I really cannot use £1k's worth of wine and don't want to dole it out to others due to my beliefs around it. My husband got about 100 bottles of red for his 40th from various friends last year, I thought that was insane!

[MaraScottie]

I like that one NoSquirrels ...

[Thisismytimetoshine]

@NoSquirrels

Simplest and best thing to do, though, is just to say

"Dear Boss - gosh, what an amazingly generous gift. How lovely of you to think of it. I've actually stopped drinking much at all, so I won't take you up on it, but thank you for the offer. I do hope you understand - I don't want you to think I don't appreciate the gesture."

and leave it there. They can decide to gift you something else if they want, or they can decide to not give you anything.

This is so blindingly obvious that I suspect the op doesn't actually want to relinquish the gift at all, she just wants the cash value.
Why else be "so upset at having to accept this gift"?
Yeah, right, course you are...

[IsMiseMorag]

Do the wine merchants sell anything you DO like, like crystal water glasses or really good coffee or single estate chocolate (grasping at straws a bit here...) It would certainly clear up a lot of Christmas gifts of good whisky/brandy.

I don't think you're being that U, actually. This is something I can imagine my DH's ex-boss doing - spunking a huge sum on something he'd like himself, regardless of the recipient's drinking habits. It's generous but also quite passive aggressive.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

don't want to dole it out to others due to my beliefs around it.
Sorry, what beliefs are these?

[Thisismytimetoshine]

It's generous but also quite passive aggressive
Oh, behave 🙄

[Suzysleep]

Sell it on for £500, spend the money on Ashtrays.

[Alsohuman]

@Thisismytimetoshine

It's generous but also quite passive aggressive
Oh, behave 🙄

Yup, giving someone a £1k present is really passive aggressive.

[ekidmxcl]

Not sure why you feel bad about doling it out to others. My db and sil are not alcholics and love wine. They'd be absolutely thrilled to receive a bottle. I don't actually drink but I know loads of people who'd be thrilled with it. Just get in there, pick up 10 bottles and dish it out! If you don't want to wait until birthdays, just dish it out right away. Ask people if they want a bottle of wine that you don't want, those that love it will take it.

And to the poster who asked me why the OP should only spend 100 of it, I suggested 10 bottles. 10 bottles at 100 each makes the whole thousand.

[BabyLlamaZen]

It does seem a bit insensitive of them op. They clearly have the money but didnt put much thought in. It's a lot of money for wine!

I dont know what I'd do, but I'm not sure you can return it and I can't imagine them giving you anything else. They seem quite thoughtless. Could you return if yourself and use the money for something?

[Crinkle77]

Just take the wine and then sell it.

[sonsmum]

It is a gift. I think it is not correct to ask if you could have something else, however polite you say it. There is probably not much thought behind the gift, but I think you need to take it and either use it or not.
You could as suggested buy gifts for others, or you could hold your own party for a significant birthday and have an open bar using this voucher, and/or you could donate to charity or schools fundraising for a raffle prize or similar. You can do so much good with it, if you choose not to use it.

[Roomba]

in the 70s we used to make ashtrays from modelling clay at nursery and primary school

My mum still has the clay ashtrays I made her at school She didn't smoke, nor did my dad, but the whole class made ashtrays whether they were useful or not!

[Notcontent]

I would be honest with your boss. He obviously wanted to give you something to enjoy - but has actually given you something that he or one of his friends would be happy with!

[EerieSilence]

I would take it, buy the wine and be sorted for years for presents and visits to friends.

[SmileyClare]

How does your husband feel about your new beliefs? Presumably he is a wine fan judging by his birthday presents! Just wondering how that works/ is he supporting you?

I wouldn't assume your boss knew about your journey into sobriety. Most people don't pay much interest to personal issues in a work environment. I wouldn't take that particularly personally.

[hummingbirdhm]

It’s unfortunate that the gift isn’t something you can choose, however I would just graciously accept it and move on to your next chapter with no sour notes.
As the PP’s have stated, absolutely perfect as gifts or resales. I’d probably choose champagne and resell to a couple getting married who need to save a few quid... I know I would have done this when we were getting married.
Good luck OP

[Jenasaurus]

A pp mentioned saving it for a special occassion, wedding, party etc, maybe even if it wasnt for yourself, (friend getting married etc) could you get the wine and they give you cash, even if a lower amount that you spend, at least that way you will get something back and do a friend a good turn to, discounted wine for an occassion.

[Iknewyouwerewaitingforme]

A gift especially in current times and especially to that value should always just be a welcome surprise. Surely you''l host/visit countless other parties/occasions/ Christmas/New year over the next few years were you can bring a few lovely bottles along and use rest to gift bottles bubbly to others on their birthdays etc. Will end up saving you a fortune. Please don't say anything other than a huge thankyou.

[TheNewLook]

You haven’t lost anything but not using the gift or giving it away or, as others have said, chilling away at it with birthdays and Christmas. Before you knew what the gift was, you didn’t know anything about it and it hasn’t cost you anything so it’s not a loss.

[Lobsterquadrille2]

I'm a recovering alcoholic of many years. People I work with might or might not know that I don't drink - I don't advertise the fact. This gift would be an absolute nightmare for me and I would decline it gracefully - these suggestions of buying and storing expensive bottles wouldn't work at all. It sounds as if the OP has a less than completely healthy relationship with alcohol and wouldn't want the stress of such a transaction.

My sobriety is worth more than £1 million to me, let alone £1k!!