Page 3 | to be a bit upset by this gift?

MintyMabel · 02/07/2020 13:17

So you aren't drinking at the moment, let your DP have some, have some friends round for drinks, give some away to friends and family

This is a gift her. For working for a company for ten years and given the amount, doing so very well. Why should she just be grateful that it’s something she doesn’t use and give it away to friends? Bloody ridiculous.

OP, I’d just explain you don’t drink and let your boss suggest what happens next.

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CuppaZa · 02/07/2020 13:18

Just accept it gracefully @thisusernameismine

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gamerchick · 02/07/2020 13:18

Decent wines have a resale value don't they? Or make mint presents for a while.

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Shedbuilder · 02/07/2020 13:20

issabellerossignol, my bet is that the wine voucher has probably only cost the boss £200, if that. If she declines it she puts the boss in a difficult position. He's either forced to splash out £1k on something else or give her a much less generous gift worth. It's just not what you do. You take the horrible/ unsuitable gift and say thank you. We've all got too used to people picking their own gifts and not understanding that in cases such as these it's a gesture.

OP, if you really can't trust yourself with the voucher then offer it as a prize for your favourite local charity or the PTA raffle or whatever. Turn an unwanted gift into something that helps others.

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Oliversmumsarmy · 02/07/2020 13:20

you have never smoked yet received more than one ashtray for your birthday?! Who would buy an ashtray as a 21st birthday present, even if you WERE a smoker

It was back when smoking was the norm.
Everyone knew I wasn’t a smoker the same as everyone knowing I don’t drink but it doesn’t stop people buying me bottles of booze for birthdays and Christmas presents.

I don’t think the op is being ungrateful

Think of a gift you would never use
E.g driving gloves when you don’t drive and every Christmas and birthday receiving umpteen pairs from people who are supposed to be your friends.

I have worked out if people don’t know me well enough to know I don’t drink then they don’t know me well enough to consider me a friend and I have dropped people because of this.

Ended up getting rid of several years worth of booze onto a grateful friend who knows me well enough to have never given me an ashtray or a bottle of wine.

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Somethingkindaoooo · 02/07/2020 13:20

Crikey.

I can't even remember when I last received a bonus. 1000 pounds is incredibly generous, even if it does just pay for presents for the next few years.
Just every time you use it to buy a present, make sure you put whatever amount you would have spent in a fund for yourself.
It'll soon add up
🙂

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Oliversmumsarmy · 02/07/2020 13:22

The problem with ops gift is you can’t even sell it to buy something you might want

Personally I would refuse it as it would just cause more problems than a gift is meant to.

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MintyMabel · 02/07/2020 13:22

One of the first questions I ask is what do they do for team building/ team stuff etc and 9/10 the vast bulk is about after work drinks. Often of Fridays.

As a non drinker who has family responsibilities the unimaginative Friday night drinks means I rarely socialise with work colleagues. I also rarely join corporate events as being in a male dominated industry it is inevitably a golf outing. I haven’t yet met a single female colleague who plays golf. (Yes, I know some women do but the numbers are low, mainly because of the historic exclusion of women in golf clubs) There is no doubt my career has been impacted b not being able to do this type of networking.

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MintyMabel · 02/07/2020 13:24

Just accept it gracefully

Yes, yes, just smile sweetly dearie, don’t rock the boat....

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ekidmxcl · 02/07/2020 13:24

What a weird gift. Still, I would not try to give it back or moan about it.

Personally, I'd go in, pick up 10 bottles each with a value of 100 pounds and then dish them out as presents: christmas, weddings, whatever.

10 bottles will be not too much to store and will save you a few presents.

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CorianderLord · 02/07/2020 13:26

Use it, give it as gifts for the next 5 years lol

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shieldedsally · 02/07/2020 13:26

Use it to buy wines and spirits that you can give as presents to friends and family - that should be birthdays and Xmas sorted for quite a while! And then spend the money you are saving on yourself, buying something you actually want.

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isabellerossignol · 02/07/2020 13:28

We've all got too used to people picking their own gifts and not understanding that in cases such as these it's a gesture.

I do know what you mean, and I've often said so on Mumsnet threads about gifts. But I think alcohol is different to other gifts. If someone is a recovering alcoholic it's a positively dangerous gift, and if they are forbidden by religion, it's pretty offensive.

If she had been presented with a carriage clock that cost a fortune I'd be saying 'tough, it's a gift, stick it in a cupboard then sell it' but alcohol just doesn't seem the same to me. It's too divisive.

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TheSoapyFrog · 02/07/2020 13:30

I think if I were you I'd just take it and leave. I'd be amazed if your boss actually spent £1000 on it and suspect if you were to ask for something different, you'd come away empty handed.
Either use it for presents, give it to me, or just don't use it at all.

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Birdshitbridgegotme · 02/07/2020 13:30

Wow 1k leaving present! When I left my last job I didnt so much get a card from the boss.

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TatianaBis · 02/07/2020 13:34

^That’s so kind but I’ve stopped drinking’.

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nettie434 · 02/07/2020 13:36

@thisusernameismine

I've left my job after over ten years and my boss is giving me a £1k budget with an upmarket wine merchant as a leaving present. I stopped drinking in Jan but unfortunately have gone a bit back into it over lockdown - I am determined to get back on track especially as I'm now jobless and mum to a toddler! It was common knowledge I wasn't drinking anymore at the start of the year and I've mentioned more recently how bad it is for my head. I mentioned the wine merchant is upmarket as he only sells posh stuff which is wasted on me anyway!

Do I say I cannot use this gift?! I've spoken to the wine merchant (mutual contact) and he's absolutely fine to not take the budget.

Just don't know how to give the gift 'back' 😭

If it's an upmarket wine merchant, they may offer a service selling the wine on. I don't think it would be easy to buy wine as an investment unless you already know a lot about the subject.

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Alsohuman · 02/07/2020 13:36

Wow. How "nice" can an ashtray be?

Very. My parents were given a couple of stunners as wedding presents 70 years ago. One sits on my dressing table now and contains earrings.

If it were me I’d spend the lot on champagne and use it for special occasions and gifts. It’s pretty rude to reject a gift or ask for it to be replaced with something else.

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Oliversmumsarmy · 02/07/2020 13:37

ekidmxcl why should she have to only use £100 of the gift and then still have to find space to store it.

As a life long non drink it gives me the rage when people who are supposed to be my friends hand over bottles I end up having to store till someone else’s birthday and being restricted on giving booze only to a friend. It doesn’t save me any money as I always buy them the present I would buy anyway.

I think you had a few hundred raised as a gift and your boss thought it would look good by applying the discount at the wine shop for his contribution.

Just the logistics of buying £1000 worth of wine and where you would put the stuff even if you were drinking it makes it an awkward present.
A John Lewis voucher or voucher to your nearest shopping mall would have been more appropriate and practical even at a lesser amount

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Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 13:39

@MintyMabel

So you aren't drinking at the moment, let your DP have some, have some friends round for drinks, give some away to friends and family

This is a gift her. For working for a company for ten years and given the amount, doing so very well. Why should she just be grateful that it’s something she doesn’t use and give it away to friends? Bloody ridiculous.

OP, I’d just explain you don’t drink and let your boss suggest what happens next.

So, she has the option of returning the gift and being given a vase instead. Or receiving nothing, leaving her either having to accept nothing, or having to contact her ex boss again to "remind" him that she's still light on the old gift front.
Seriously, just take the bloody gift, op. Don't leave them feeling glad to have seen the bloody back of you.

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SmileyClare · 02/07/2020 13:40

I like the suggestion of investing in a very pricey bottle of wine that will appreciate in value.
You'd need some advice as there are only a few blue chip wines that are valuable. A good starter would be to look at wine auction data base prices.

Even if you resold the bottle for the same price as you bought it then you've cashed in so happy days... a thousand pounds to spend on yourself.

Obviously if you cannot have alcohol in the house for addiction reasons then that's a problem. It doesn't appear to be the case though (?)

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AvengingGerbil · 02/07/2020 13:42

All the people saying 'just accept it', would you be saying the same if OP was an alcoholic?

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Alsohuman · 02/07/2020 13:43

@AvengingGerbil

All the people saying 'just accept it', would you be saying the same if OP was an alcoholic?

No of course not. But she isn’t.

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thisusernameismine · 02/07/2020 13:45

Thanks everyone. I'm also friendly with the wine merchant and he thinks I should explain to my boss. My main issue is feeling extremely rude to turn it down, sadly I feel very upset at having to use it, even some of it,

For those who are curious, this gift is actually from my one boss (and his family), who I've known forever, and I left on difficult terms (agreed a settlement after discriminatory treatment post mat leave). I didn't put this in OP as didn't think it was relevant. The rest of the team did a whip around (honestly unexpected) and I got a home store voucher (don't worry not for £1k 😂) from them. This particular boss is minted and also the most generous person I know - I agree it's extremely generous but feels like his money down the loo.

If it was anything else I'd quietly accept, but I agree with PPs who say they wouldn't gift alcohol either - I don't like to do so given how I feel about it. I probably shouldn't have read all the sobriety books to help me on my track to giving it up for good.

Still undecided as to what to do. But enjoying these posts including the ashtray stories!

Talk

AIBU?

to be a bit upset by this gift?