to be a bit upset by this gift?

[thisusernameismine]

I've left my job after over ten years and my boss is giving me a £1k budget with an upmarket wine merchant as a leaving present. I stopped drinking in Jan but unfortunately have gone a bit back into it over lockdown - I am determined to get back on track especially as I'm now jobless and mum to a toddler! It was common knowledge I wasn't drinking anymore at the start of the year and I've mentioned more recently how bad it is for my head. I mentioned the wine merchant is upmarket as he only sells posh stuff which is wasted on me anyway!

Do I say I cannot use this gift?! I've spoken to the wine merchant (mutual contact) and he's absolutely fine to not take the budget.

Just don't know how to give the gift 'back' 😭

[Teacher12345]

Buy stuff to give for gift at xmas. If they do champagne then you could buy a load of that and save it for celebrations and as gift. Make some hampers etc.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

I have also never smoked in my life and was given an ashtray by virtually everyone for my 21st.
This is just bizarre! Are you sure they were ashtrays?! Nobody buys ashtrays for a birthday present, even for a smoker

[TellingBone]

@Oliversmumsarmy

Welcome to being a non drinker and the gifts of wine and booze of all types that come with it.

I have also never smoked in my life and was given an ashtray by virtually everyone for my 21st.

Are you sure your boss didn’t have a freebie/discount with the wine supplier and pocketed the rest of the whip round money.

Sorry for the tangent OP but WTF? You got ashtrays for your 21st? From virtually everyone? How many?

[squirrelsbizaar]

If it’s customary to give that to leavers, then just accept it - buy booze and pass on as gifts, or if you know anything about wine investments, perhaps do that - I wouldn’t have a clue.
Or just speak to boss and see if you can have something different. I wouldn’t be able to get through a grands worth of wine, even if I did gift it, so the waste would bug me.
Mind boggles at the prospect of employer being that generous.

[TheOrigBrave]

Will your colleagues (who I presume know you don't drink) be getting you a more appropriate gift ie something that actually recognises that they know you?

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

Nobody buys ashtrays for a birthday present, even for a smoker

Back when every house, pub, café, restaurant, hairdressers, waiting room etc had ashtrays because more adults smoked than did not and it was really, really rare for a space to be 'non smoking', yes they did. My mum and dad got a few really nice ashtrays as wedding presents!

[Roussette]

Good grief, can't believe you would turn this down. It does sound rude to do so. So you aren't drinking at the moment, let your DP have some, have some friends round for drinks, give some away to friends and family. Choose carefully at the wine cellar and you can put down bottles for years. You might not be drinking wine now but you might well do so again. What a generous present and how embarrassing to turn it down.

because I don’t think alcohol should be legal and so I won’t encourage others to drink it
Really? That's another few million unemployed and a massive hit to the economy then....

[Thisismytimetoshine]

@Iwalkinmyclothing

Nobody buys ashtrays for a birthday present, even for a smoker

Back when every house, pub, café, restaurant, hairdressers, waiting room etc had ashtrays because more adults smoked than did not and it was really, really rare for a space to be 'non smoking', yes they did. My mum and dad got a few really nice ashtrays as wedding presents!

Wow. How "nice" can an ashtray be?

[monkeyonthetable]

Brilliant idea from the people who have suggested buying wine as an investment and selling it on. I'd do that, plus buy a couple of seriously lovely bottles of vintage champagne for celebrations - one for Christmas, a couple as presents. Does the wine merchant sell anything else, such as cut glass tumblers?

[AppropriateAdult]

The obvious solution is to take the wine and regift it, but if OP is having difficulty staying off alcohol, she may not want to have £1000 worth of good quality wine lying around the house...

[AriettyHomily]

Please don't ask for something else!

It's probably a corporate account with a bit of a bonus spend on it for one thing, and secondly it's really crass.

Re gift it on to someone else or buy the wine to gift on.

[TellingBone]

@Iwalkinmyclothing

Nobody buys ashtrays for a birthday present, even for a smoker

Back when every house, pub, café, restaurant, hairdressers, waiting room etc had ashtrays because more adults smoked than did not and it was really, really rare for a space to be 'non smoking', yes they did. My mum and dad got a few really nice ashtrays as wedding presents!

Yes, I was around and had my 21st during those times.

It was more the fact of everyone buying them as 21st gifts. Not that unusual as a 'house' type wedding gift but a 21st?

[StoppinBy]

I took the opening post to mean that the OP is a recovering alcoholic, of course I may be wrong but if that's the case then yes, the right thing to do is to turn it down politely.

If that is not the case then just accept it, say thank you and use it up for other people perhaps?

[Shedbuilder]

Your boss will have done a deal with the wine merchant. If you've been in the kind of business that requires wine purchases for clients/ events it's possible that your £1k voucher came pretty much for free. So forget any idea of it being replaced with £1k-worth of something else. If you ever need a reference in the future don't bugger things up by being remembered as the woman who turned down £1k wine.

Smile sweetly, pretend you don't know this and as others have said, buy a few cases for Christmas presents, or buy good champagne and use it for future weddings, special birthdays etc. If the supplier has high-end wines, you could just buy two bottles of something special and have them stored. Have you seen the price of Petrus?

[Heresto2020]

You sound a bit ungrateful OP

You only stopped drinking in Jan and then stated again during locking (ie a few months later) is that right?

So it’s not as if you’ve always been tea total and they should know it.

[Catapultme]

Is there any sour grapes (sorry) about you leaving?

Can one of your other colleagues casually ask boss what you got for leaving present then be very surprised at thewine voucher?

[TokyoSushi]

Totally off-topic but you DID get ashtrays as presents in the olden days!

Just take the gift OP, use it to buy gifts for people who would enjoy them.

[googledontknow]

What shedbuilder said.

[isabellerossignol]

I'm not sure that it's rude to turn it down really. I'm a big lover of wine and personally this would be a dream gift for me. But I know loads of people who don't drink for religious reasons and I think most people would agree that it would be fine for them to decline such a gift, so I don't see why it would suddenly be rude to decline it if you don't drink for health reasons.

[Thisismytimetoshine]

How could it have been "common knowledge" that you weren't drinking, and why were you bollocking on to your colleagues that drinking is bad for your head?!
Such a very odd thread, really.

[vampirethriller]

I'd use it for Xmas and anniversary presents. I got an ashtray for my 20th from a friend who knew I didn't smoke. Handmade and very pretty but even so.

[Seeingadistance]

My parents never smoked, but got ashtrays as presents, and when I was a child in the 70s we used to make ashtrays from modelling clay at nursery and primary school.

I’d forgotten all about that.

Anyway, OP, just buy a really expensive bottle of wine with the voucher and keep it as an investment, or flog it if you wouldn’t be able to resist drinking it!

Or drink it, and enjoy a £1k bottle as a last hurrah for drinking!

[KaTetof19]

As a non-drinker I'd just say a gracious thank you for the leaving gift and use the budget for alcohol gifts for those you know will appreciate it or generous raffle prizes for local good causes (there'll be a lot of them coming up I imagine).

The cynic in me would also wonder if ex-boss gave this gift thinking/knowing it wouldn't be used therefore they could look generous without spending a penny.

[emmathedilemma]

I only want to know where you work!!

[BlingLoving]

This drives me mental.

I occasionally consult on internal communications for professional and financial services firms. One of the things that always surprises me is how I'll be told about how there's a real disconnect between teams/ front office & back office / geographies/ age differences or whatever. One of the first questions I ask is what do they do for team building/ team stuff etc and 9/10 the vast bulk is about after work drinks. Often of Fridays.

Then I ask them about who attends these. And of course, it's almost exclusively the high earning front office men and perhaps some of the younger, junior staff. So then I ask them about are they sure everyone drinks? I ask about what percentage of staff may have caring or other responsibilities and therefore are unlikely to want to stay late on a friday night? I ask if there's a huge disconnect between pay for staff (often the case eg junior banker vs junior compliance person) and have they considered how this might impact things - eg less well paid person less likely to give all this extra time to work and/or can't afford drinks and/or lives far out and doesn't want to be trying to make his/her way home very late?

And inevitably, it just hasn't even crossed their minds. It's weird.

OP - I'd send polite friendly note saying how grateful and appreciative you are but that as you aren't drinking and really believe it's been bad for you, is it possible to swap to vouchers for something else.