Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The only one not called Auntie...

61 replies

fayk88 · 01/07/2020 20:06

My boyfriend has a 1 year old nephew and his sister has made it clear i’m not his ‘Auntie’. I’d be ok with this except she refers to all of her other siblings and in laws partners (married and unmarried) as ‘Auntie X’ and ‘Uncle Z’ and it’s started to feel quite nasty.

Am I unreasonable to be offended/upset by this? I didn’t expect or ask to be called Auntie and have never referred to myself in this way but the more she makes a point of it the more it stings.

We’re in a happy and serious relationship, have been together for 5 years, own a house together and are hoping to have a family soon. I’ve never had any sort of disagreement or fall out with her or with any member of his family. There is some awkwardness with one of his other siblings and their partner as they have always been unwelcoming but I’ve never so much as raised an eyebrow in response.

I’d never say anything to his sister and really I don’t wish for him to either as I could only see it ending with me looking bad. Saying that if I was made to feel like this in any other dynamic I wouldn’t put up with it.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 01/07/2020 20:11

She's a bitch, don't give her head space. Your partner should have taken it up already and should be annoyed on your behalf. As a non auntie I would be leaving buying and choosing gifts as well as babysitting to the uncle. If you have kids with your partner said women will expect to be called auntie to your kids no doubt!

Have you any ideas as to why they are singling you out this way? It sounds horrid.

LouHotel · 01/07/2020 20:11

YANBU to feel hurt that does seem pointedly vindictive and your right that I raising can then be used against you.

I wont lie I'd return the favour when you have children.

HansBanans · 01/07/2020 20:14

My ex's brother and SIL did this towards unmarried couples. They told me I'd be Auntie if we were to get married which annoyed me at the time but in hindsight was fair.

As for your boyfriend's sister, given she is referring to other unmarried couples as auntie and uncle I'd say she is being a bit unfair and YANBU to be annoyed by this.

How long have the other couples been together?

Modestandatinybitsexy · 01/07/2020 20:20

That is rude. I would have already expected your dp to have had a quiet word when he realised other partners were auntie/uncle. It makes it seem like your 5 year relationship isn't serious or significant.

jessstan2 · 01/07/2020 20:21

After five years you are certainly entitled to be called, "Auntie", especially as other partners are. I don't blame you for being miffed but you're handling it in a dignified manner so kudos to you.

Piffle11 · 01/07/2020 20:23

TBH I would be having your partner say something – her response will let you know where you stand. You never know if the other sibling has said something: you know, stirring up trouble. Just a very easy-going thing ... ‘why don’t you let Faye be auntie too, Like the others?‘ Type thing. He doesn’t have to be confrontational. I just think that if you don’t get to the bottom of this, it may fester.

Original poster
fayk88 · 01/07/2020 20:25

@Sceptre86 I’m guessing she doesn’t see or want to see me as a permanent fixture but I’m honestly not sure why... they talk an awful lot about what it use to be like and things that happened before I was about and I do feel like some of his family see me as an after thought.

I do all the present buying for all of his nieces and nephews but I’ll be leaving this one to him from now on!

OP posts:
RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 01/07/2020 20:27

Isnt your partner bothered or curious at all by the cold treatment you receive?

It would be more of an issue for me that others can see this behaviour and don't challenge it. Is there any background to either your relationship with his family or your partner that explains it?

GabriellaMontez · 01/07/2020 20:27

Is this cultural are you a different race?

What does your boyfriend think?

ForestSchoolFlask · 01/07/2020 20:29

YANBU because other unmarried couples get Auntie and Uncle. It would be different if it was married couples only, but this seems personal. What does your partner say?

SeasonFinale · 01/07/2020 20:36

Buy a welcome to the new baby card and sign it Love from AUNTIE Fayk

GreyishDays · 01/07/2020 20:37

Is it because you met him after the child was born?

xmummy2princesx · 01/07/2020 20:37

YANBU what does your partner say

GreyishDays · 01/07/2020 20:38

Oh you didn’t. Ignore me.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/07/2020 20:39

That’s horrible. Why hasn’t he asked her why she’s being a dick?

They told me I'd be Auntie if we were to get married which annoyed me at the time but in hindsight was fair.

Why was it fair?

DamnYankee · 01/07/2020 20:39

She's just not that into you. Wink Teasing.

It is a petty, passive-aggressive thing to do. However, I think you're just going to have to stop dwelling on it. I can't see how your DP confronting his Dsis is going to help matters.

If you have a good relationship with the kids and enjoy their company, I'd shrug it off. And while I think each partner should primarily be responsible for gift-giving to their "side," if DP is one of those people who forgets to buy gifts or gives age-inappropriate gifts regularly, I'd make sure I stepped in. No need to punish the kids b/c their DM is being a P/A jerk.

LillianBland · 01/07/2020 20:49

I, so glad you’re going to stop with the present buying. Don’t give a penny towards the gifts. What’s the chances of your bf actually taking the time out to buy them or is he going to try guilting you into helping? Don’t back down. If he’s not prepared to step up and tell his family to wise the fuck up, then I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship, if you’re planning on having children together.

Itisbetter · 01/07/2020 20:52

Why was it fair? Presumably because an “Aunt” is one of your parents sisters or sisters in law?

DopamineHits · 01/07/2020 20:54

I do all the present buying for all of his nieces and nephews but I’ll be leaving this one to him from now on!

I know it's not the main point, but why do women do this? It's so normalized. "Oh women love shopping, we'll do it all!" but do we love shopping for plastic tat for other peoples children?

gutentag1 · 01/07/2020 20:54

Why are you buying presents for her kids if you're not their auntie? Definitely a DP job from now on, and he shouldn't be letting her talk to you like that anyway.

SemperIdem · 01/07/2020 20:55

I’d be alright with it, though I can see you’re not. I don’t see what his sister has to gain from refusing the familial title of “auntie”. My own child calls one of my friends “auntie”, we’re not in the slightest bit related.

I don’t see my partners nieces and nephews as being my family. They’re extensions of him and I show interest because of that. This may well be because he is not close to his family and they don’t live nearby, they’re all effectively strangers to me.

heartsonacake · 01/07/2020 20:55

There doesn’t seem to be rhyme nor reason for her in particular if she has married and unmarried referred the same, but, to me, I wouldn’t have anyone be an Auntie or Uncle unless they were married.

That commitment is important to me; I feel girlfriends and boyfriends just aren’t appropriate.

Ravenesque · 01/07/2020 21:00

I wont lie I'd return the favour when you have children.

Me too.

She's being really nasty and is definitely trying to be hurtful. Fuck her and the manky horse she rode in on.

HansBanans · 01/07/2020 21:01

@AnneLovesGilbert because it wasn't as though I was being treated any differently, we were the only couple that weren't married and it was their child and their decision. The difference that I can see between myself and OP is that there are other unmarried couples who get called Auntie and Uncle.

Shoppingwithmother · 01/07/2020 21:01

Annelovesgilbert, it would be fair as, technically, your brother’s girlfriend is not your child’s aunt, whereas your brother’s wife is.

It’s not fair in this case though, as other unmarried partners in the family are called uncle/auntie.

Swipe left for the next trending thread