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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DP with all 4 kids and go and take some time to myself?

54 replies

Haut · 01/07/2020 13:58

I have two children one of which has autism and can be alot to handle and as much as I adore them I never get a break.

DP also has two older children (one of which also has autism albeit high functioning) and they're coming to stay for the night. DP has taken a holiday from work so will be home for the week.

I want to utilise his being home and go for a wander round the shops by myself today and maybe grab a coffee somewhere. Just to be me for a few hours child free.

DP isn't thrilled about that because it means him having to stay in with the kids as opposed to going to, say, the park - because he doesn't think it's doable for him to take all 4 on his own (my eldest is a sprinter and will run off, and my youngest will be in the pram)

AIBU to just go out as planned and leave him with all 4 for the afternoon? I never get the chance to be child free and I want a break.

He's never left to it with all of the kids and i think it will give him a deeper appreciation of just how bloody hard it is for us mums.

OP posts:
Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 01/07/2020 14:00

You absolutely must do it. He can stay in for half a day if he doesn’t want to go to the park!

BankofNook · 01/07/2020 14:00

DO IT!

I have four children and frequently fuck off out without a backwards glance and leave DH to it because I need time in my own.

Go, recharge, you'll feel better for it. You can't pour water from an empty jug and all that.

Bluebird3456 · 01/07/2020 14:01

If you'll only have 4 for one night and DP is off for a week, can you just pick another day in the week so that it's more manageable for him? If he's never done it before 4 kids, 2 with SEN, will be difficult and you might be subjecting the kids to a difficult day, not just him.

Circe32 · 01/07/2020 14:02

YADNBU! Run out the door as fast as you can and savour that coffee! Grin

Original poster
Haut · 01/07/2020 14:04

I'm going, as soon as he gets back with DSC and I've said hello I'm out the door Grin

He was acting downtrodden before he left to pick them up saying he'll be tearing his hair out on his own with 4 and they'll be bored stuck indoors.

I said well they're your children, me and (ex wife) never get a break so you'll just have to crack on.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 01/07/2020 14:05

Fuck it just go how will he ever cope if he is never LEFT to cope

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/07/2020 14:06

How often do his kids visit? Unless it's at least half the time, this is their chance to spend quality time with their dad and having your kids there will probably make that difficult if one has special needs and one is a toddler. I'd try and choose another day when he only has yours to look after. Unless he regularly expects you to look after all 4 by yourself - then, go for it

Original poster
Haut · 01/07/2020 14:07

@Bluebird3456

If you'll only have 4 for one night and DP is off for a week, can you just pick another day in the week so that it's more manageable for him? If he's never done it before 4 kids, 2 with SEN, will be difficult and you might be subjecting the kids to a difficult day, not just him.
I could but I've had a stressful week and am looking forward to going out today.

I've made alot of sacrifices myself to allow him his hobby time and never grumble about it.

I think it's important he gets to spend some time with his older boys without me present aswell, I'm happy to accompany them to the park tomorrow if they'd like to go.

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 01/07/2020 14:07

I said well they're your children, me and (ex wife) never get a break so you'll just have to crack on.

Exactly! And he needs to learn how to deal with having them all at once, even if only occasionally, because real life means that there are always going to be times he needs to do so.

Enjoy your day Smile

Iloveacurry · 01/07/2020 14:09

Go go go! Enjoy the break. I’m sure he’s left you with all 4 kids on more than one occasion!

Zoecarter · 01/07/2020 14:10

Why would you do that when you can pick an other day. Isn’t part of a partnership working as a team. Just seen your update you sound like a marter don’t make sacrifices if you don’t want to or are going to throw them in his face 🙄🙄🙄

Original poster
Haut · 01/07/2020 14:11

They come three times a week (and sleep over for one of those) at the moment but are welcome to come as often as they like.

He doesn't leave me to look after all 4 on my own but I'm always key to planning activities and always take part in whatever we are doing with them.

OP posts:
Spied · 01/07/2020 14:12

I'd be off out. Go.

Original poster
Haut · 01/07/2020 14:13

@Zoecarter

Why would you do that when you can pick an other day. Isn’t part of a partnership working as a team. Just seen your update you sound like a marter don’t make sacrifices if you don’t want to or are going to throw them in his face 🙄🙄🙄
I make sacrifices to accommodate his free time because it's only fair we both get the opportunity to have time to ourselves, except I never get mine and want to take some today.
OP posts:
TORDEVAN · 01/07/2020 14:15

Yep, go!

Madmoxxi · 01/07/2020 14:15

I thought you were going to say you wanted to go away for the week and i was thinking, might be worth getting him a hand if he's going to struggle so much ( for the children's benefit) but no, just 1 single afternoon!

miafeta · 01/07/2020 14:15

Of course you will go out on your own
I only have one child and pre- Covid went on holiday on my own, too.
I learned the hard way of course

Itsjustabitofbanter · 01/07/2020 14:19

Ffs all the people acting like this is a big deal. Mums have to deal with worse all the time! I bet it were a woman complaining about spending a couple hours with her own children she’d be told to suck it up!! It’s only a couple hours 😂

Original poster
Haut · 01/07/2020 14:24

My plan was only to go for a wander round the shops then get a coffee somewhere, when I said that to him he sighed and sarcastically said it looks like he'll see me "tomorrow then" as though he thinks I'm planning to sod off for the night for a boozy get together with friends which I've never, ever done.

It just reaffirmed to me just how much a double standard there is here when he takes a whole day to himself every week but me going out for a few hours and leaving him with the children is supposedly unfair.

OP posts:
Bluebird3456 · 01/07/2020 14:27

Mums have to deal with worse all the time! I bet it were a woman complaining about spending a couple hours with her own children she’d be told to suck it up!!

But isn't OP saying that he never leaves her alone with all 4? So actually she's expecting more from him than she's prepared to do herself.

I don't know OP, in the nicest possible way it does seem like point scoring rather than working as a team, when you can easily just go tomorrow instead.

diddl · 01/07/2020 14:29

They are all his kids, aren't they, so of course he should be able to look after them all!

Also perhaps depends if his older two could be left momentarily if the sprinter sprints.

But the park probably isn't impossible.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 01/07/2020 14:29

Once left exh and 4xdc for 3 weeks when I went to Brazil..
As a carer for a relative to a questionable retreat place.
Thought he was going to spontaneously combust when I asked him!!
Grin

Itsjustabitofbanter · 01/07/2020 14:34

@Bluebird3456 but she hasn’t said she’d be unwilling to have them, it’s just never happened. So it’s only fair for a man to have all his children for a few hours if his wife always does it first?

mistermagpie · 01/07/2020 14:38

Definitely do it! We only have three but they are all under five so quite a handful, I happily toddle off for a few hours by myself without a backwards glance at DH. (So does he when it's his turn).

diddl · 01/07/2020 14:38

"But isn't OP saying that he never leaves her alone with all 4?"

But 2 of those are there in effect to visit their dad as they don't live with him.

So why would he then be leaving them with Op?

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