Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

[Gogogadgetarms]

The delivery charges would irk me as I’ll do what it takes to get free delivery (wait until I have enough for free delivery, spend somewhere it’s included etc). The products from boots that are cheaper in Tesco would also annoy me as I shop around for deals, wait for things to go on offer etc.
I guess if she’s staying within her budget and not asking for subs, there’s little you can practically do other then remind her how to make savings.

[LinemanForTheCounty]

I agree with @BeautifulCrazy - please ignore all the posters that rosiejaune is (rightly) satirising - you've set an amount that suits you, your daughter and your family and that's fine.

She will learn and it may take time but it's fair enough to help guide her into making better decisions to learn a bit faster. So, yes, when she brings up the subject of not having enough, you could go through the multiple delivery charges she's incurring and hopefully she'll come to the realisation that this isn't a good use of her money, especially if you point out that this money will only go through her hands once. I think adding it all up and pointing out what she could have bought with it (but now can't, because the money is gone) is a good tactic. Fwiw a lot of people take a while to learn budgeting skills and your method - giving her control and letting her experience the consequences of her decisions while providing the security of the basics - is definitely a sound one. Just maybe draw her attention to these consequences and explore how she could have avoided them.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

@CantSleepClownsWillEatMe

It’s not a fortune ! Bloody hell, some of you need to pull the stick out of your backsides. The outrage that a 16 year old has essentially 20 quid a week is ridiculous.

Given OPs update ie that it’s to cover all clothes, bus fares, toiletries, gifts and socialising, I suspect there are plenty of MNers spending far more on their teen dc once they tot it up. If you can’t afford it then you just can’t but in all honesty I don’t think OPs dd is doing that well out of this set up.

I agree in part. When I was sixteen, I got £350 a month because I worked 18 hours a week in our local shopping centre.
It’s not the amount that I’m balking at, it’s the fact that she has it just given to her to fritter away and secondly, mum still feels some sort of authority over it as it wasn’t earned.
If DD got a job, as is my suggestion, she would have more money, she would learn the value of it because it’s not just been handed to her and mum wouldn’t feel responsible for her spending.
It’s the only way to really solve the issue.

[LinemanForTheCounty]

Oh and also fwiw I don't think she's doing too badly. She isn't constantly after you for more or putting herself in a difficult situation because she hasn't got bus fare due to blowing it all within five minutes; it's more fine tuning that she needs.

[poupeediop]

A lot of women do those weekend and evening jobs so they don’t have to pay for childcare. There are going to be far fewer of those jobs in hospitality and retail for the foreseeable future. As a result many women, who depend on that income as part of their family budget, will lose their job. When there are limited employment opportunities, those jobs should be taken by people who actually need the money, not 16 year olds for pocket money.

Oh so you think if 16 yr olds stop looking for a Saturday job for pocket money those jobs won't be at risk? Ok...

[Frozenfrogs86]

You have chosen an allowance which presumably you are happy with and can afford. How she spends it is up to her. She’ll run out of money quicker and then maybe reevaluate. It’s all part of her learning how to make best use of her funds.

[CloudsCoveredTheSky]

If it's her money to do what she likes with, what's the issue?

You can discuss making good financial choices with her but she needs to learn from her own mistakes too.

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

@poupeediop

A lot of women do those weekend and evening jobs so they don’t have to pay for childcare. There are going to be far fewer of those jobs in hospitality and retail for the foreseeable future. As a result many women, who depend on that income as part of their family budget, will lose their job. When there are limited employment opportunities, those jobs should be taken by people who actually need the money, not 16 year olds for pocket money.

Oh so you think if 16 yr olds stop looking for a Saturday job for pocket money those jobs won't be at risk? Ok...

It’s the most bizarre argument isn’t it? “Don’t apply for that job because someone else may need it more”

[RoryGilmoresEvilTwin]

£85 a month isn't that much when you consider that she pays for everything with it.
I don't know where you live op but bus fares where I am are extortionate! A months bus pass here is about £90!

If I can afford it when ds is the same age I will.

[Alsohuman]

Oh so you think if 16 yr olds stop looking for a Saturday job for pocket money those jobs won't be at risk? Ok...

That isn’t what I said at all. Those jobs aren’t just at risk. Thousands of them are going to disappear. If there are a large number of people chasing a small number of jobs, surely common sense tells you priority should be given to people who need the money to put food on the table?

[Fanthorpe]

She needs to learn about the hidden cost involved in making purchases, or else she’s going to have problems with credit cards. Definitely show her what she could have bought with the ‘wasted’ cash.

Does she sell things on depop after she’s tired of them?

[poupeediop]

When there are limited employment opportunities, those jobs should be taken by people who actually need the money, not 16 year olds for pocket money.

Where do you draw the line are 18 yr olds ok if living alone?

The problem is government policy.

[BertieDrapper]

I would do as others have suggested and go through with her what's she spent and and on what.
It's really easy to spend £15 here and £10 there online without thinking about it.

You should def and sit and go through money and budgets with her so she can have an idea of things before she hits 18 and is open to credit! Talk about saving. If your giving her £85 a month can she save say £15 each month.

Go through how much future things will cost - driving lessons

• uni/college
• living expenses

-house deposit

No one ever spoke to me about money and I used to spend my wages as soon as I had them. Hit 18, got an overdraft, store cards, credit cards, loans etc... by 21 I was in over £20,000 worth of debt... thankfully I was able to sort myself out but it took along time and still affects my financial position and I'm now in my mid 30s.

Planing and savings will seem boring to her now but she will be so thankful in the future.

[StatementKnickers]

What does she do for the £85 per month, OP? When does she turn 17? Perhaps at that point you could think about stopping it (or say you'll pay for driving lessons but she has to earn pocket money another way, either from you or by babysitting etc.).

Maybe you could suggest ebay or shpock for cheaper Brandy Melville clothes, and for reselling any branded stuff she no longer wears?

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Leave her to it and if she complains she hasn’t got enough you can point out the number of £3.50 postages

Teach her about looking for free postage codes.
Looking at cheaper alternatives and working out what she needs in the next year and how she will pay for it.

Also wearing one particular brand can come across as trying too hard.
The art is to mix and match and develop her own style.

[HowFastIsTooFast]

To the pps saying 'it's her money' well it's not really is it, if the OP is giving it to her and then she's (presumably as a subtext of moaning that she can't afford things) asking for more?

I remember getting gently ticked off if I 'wasted' my pocket money or holiday spending money by frittering it in arcades or buying some tat that my Mum knew I'd be bored of or have broken by the next day.

I do remember her being appalled once back in the 90s that I'd spent £35 (of my wages!) on a Ted Baker belt. Joke was on her that time though,19 years later it's still going strong 😂

[netflixismysidehustle]

My dd doesn't wear Brandy Melville but she buys a "subscription" to a clothing website every year so she gets unlimited deliveries for a flat fee. Last year she paid £9.99 unlimited delivery from ASOS and this year she has £7.99 unlimited delivery from Pretty Little Thing. She does the lots of one item deliveries rather than an order with multiple items. She's good at returning the stuff that doesn't fit so I think it's up to her how she shops but I think she should consider the environmental impact of multiple single item deliveries She's 17 and thinks she knows everything so wouldn't listen anyway.

Let her moan and waste money. She will only learn by being skint. My dd and ds used to spend every penny they got but they've gotten into the routine idle transferring some to a savings account on pay day. Dd (17) wants to go on holiday with mates after exams next summer so is motivated to save for that.

My dd is also too lazy to go to Boots but will ask me to pick toiletries up at the supermarket and pay me back. Cheaper than buying at Boots I reckon. Superdrug does free delivery if you have a Health and Beauty card and buy £10 of products which is a surprisingly low threshold for free delivery. It might encourage her to spend more if she's only after something costing less but she could always buy extra shampoo or whatever for next month.

[netflixismysidehustle]

Does she have a job? Reducing the £85 might encourage her to get one ?

[poupeediop]

surely common sense tells you priority should be given to people who need the money to put food on the table?

Common sense tells me how to you police that? People were hungry & homeless before Covid so probably non of us should have jobs by your logic.

[Alsohuman]

@poupeediop

When there are limited employment opportunities, those jobs should be taken by people who actually need the money, not 16 year olds for pocket money.

Where do you draw the line are 18 yr olds ok if living alone?

The problem is government policy.

You don’t draw the line. You just show some bloody awareness of what’s going on around us. It’s got fuck all to do with government policy and everything to do with corona virus which has forced the economy to close down for nearly four months. You have heard if that, I assume?

[Sugarhouse]

Maybe the problem is she has no value of money that is a lot to be giving her and a lot to be spending a month at her age.She sounds very ungrateful to be honest. Maybe you should make her earn her money by doing jobs around the house she might value it more. If it wasn’t for this bloody virus I would say she needs to get a job it was the only way I got money as a teenager apart from Xmas and birthdays. As a result I am careful with money.

[netflixismysidehustle]

When there are limited employment opportunities, those jobs should be taken by people who actually need the money, not 16 year olds for pocket money.

People don't get jobs based on how much they need the money or they will be a lot of people on six figures who were previously on minimum wage.
My dd (17) has just started a job for pocket money and has every right to accept that job. Ffs

[poupeediop]

Yep government policy has nothing to do with the reasons women tend to work in lower paid sectors & cant afford childcare & need to work around it. Government policy has nothing to do with our handling of Covid.