Is this age gap too big?

[smellycat67]

Had my ds9 in my mid twenties. Split with his dad and been with my now fiancé for 4 years. I'm now in my mid thirties. Am thinking about having another baby but am unsure due to the 10+ year age gap with my son. Is this too much or has it worked for other families? Aside from that it would mean giving up a lot of free time that me and my fiancé currently get when ds is at his dads.

Feel like I'm at a crossroads between going back to the baby lifestyle or trying to further my career somehow now my ds is growing up and becoming more independent. My heart longs for another baby and we can afford it. But the practical doubts make me wonder. I'd always hoped to have more than one child but closer together. This wasn't possible with my ex as we split when ds was small.

They will both grow up as only children because of the age gap. But as long as you know that, and don't mind it, then go for it. Career can always be persued, kids can not always be haved (that's poor English but dont know how else to say it. I just mean: you can always have a career. Whenever and whatever. But having a kid will come to an end pretty quick as a woman)

There's a nine year age gap between me and my sister. We were very close when I was little until she left for university because she mothered me and looked after me and dressed me up. When she left for university we drifted apart a bit. She was an adult and I was a child. We still got on but not best friends or anything. Since I left home, we've been best friends - we get on so well and I adore her. We never fought, I think because our age gap was so large that there was no real reason to (twelve year olds just don't argue with toddlers, eighteen year olds don't get into fights with nine year olds - it just doesn't happen).
If you want another child then I wouldn't allow the age gap to put you off.

No! There's 9 years between me and my youngest brother, I absolutely adored him(and still do) he was like my little baby too :laugh:

I have an 11 year old, an almost 14 year old and a 2 month old !

I was very wary about going back to the beginning but it's lush, I feel more confident and it's a lot easier being a new mum in my 30s than a new mum in my late teens early 20s !

My older two love having a baby around :) I'd say go for it !

My brother is 11 years younger than me and it's fine. No problems when we were younger.

I suppose it's also a question of the age gap for me too. I have totally forgotten what it's like to have a baby, it's been so long! I had my son quite young compared to my friends and family members. I also wasn't in a good relationship and didn't really get to enjoy the special baby time as I was young, unprepared and unhappy with my ex. I feel like I'm in a better position in life now to embrace that lifestyle but it would be a big change to our current lifestyle, we go away a lot when ds is at his dads.

I have a tiny family and have always dreamt of growing old with lots of kids and grandkids around me though....

What does your fiance think ?

My fiancé doesn't have kids but he is great with ds. He would be happy either way. He enjoys our lifestyle as it is but he's also aware that part of me longs for a baby. He hasn't had kids so it's all new to him.

I had an almost 10 year gap and then 2DC close together. It's worked out so well and my boys are in their 20's and 30's and really close.

10+ age gap with my brother, we’re not close, I do like him but we don’t spend any time together as our lives are at such different stages.

He did act like I ruined his life a bit, I think due to being an only child for so long. He’s also a bit resentful of our parents being more relaxed with me - because they were a decade older, with more money and just more settled and confident.

Hasn’t ever been a problem for me.

10 years between my two , same dad just had the first very young and unplanned so took awhile for finances and other factors to be sorted until we felt ready for another. Youngest is a year and a half now , they adore each other but still squabble like other siblings.

We are planning a third though, as the eldest gets older it will be more like having only children and would like youngest to have a close sibling, I never thought I would want a third but because of the bigger gap it doesn't feel as overwhelming as I thought it would be.

I'm 12 years older than my brother and we get on really well. I mothered him - I absolutely adored him as a baby. I left home when he was about 8. He is now an adult with his own family and we are all really close.

I’ve got a 15 year age gap between my 2. She adores her little brother. Only downside is creepy men asking if he’s hers when she takes him out.

I just had another baby after nearly 12 years. I won't lie it's been really hard going back to the baby stage but I wouldn't change it.
My daughter's (nearly 12 and nearly 14) love their baby brother and in some ways it's easier having older children and a baby than having a baby and toddler.

My cousin had a child from a previous relationship and when he hit 17 she had another with her new partner. DS1 helps out with his little brother so it's worked out great for them.

My DH has a 10 year age gap with his brother. He changed his nappies and looked after him, but now they are 30 and 40 and are just like mates.

DD was 14 when I had DS3 (almost 10), DTSs were 8 (all same Dad).

DD adores him and they are very close (up until midnight last night playing Monopoly together!) DTSs also very close although they have all have their moments as he is the epitome of the annoying little brother at the moment, very highly strung and pre teenie, and they’re all at home 24/7.

LOL at ‘18 year old don’t get into fights with 9 year olds’. He always starts it though.

You are all making this sound very possible. I'm excited!

@smellycat67

You are all making this sound very possible. I'm excited!

My 15 year old made me fresh pancakes upon my return from hospital with DS.

I wouldn't worry about them not being close, I'm assuming your son will still be living at home for another 10 years probably (maybe longer lol) my friend was 13 when her sister was born and they're really close now at 22 and 35

There is a 10 year age gap between my youngest brother and I. I loved it when he was born! We were really close when he smaller (was very protective of him). As he got older, I think it was nice to get advice from an adult other than mum and dad. We are still very close. My other brother who is only 20 months younger than me on the other hand, we had lots of sibling rivalry and comparison, so we were less close growing up. Just depends on the family dynamic I think but no reason why it can't work.

I think a 10 year age gap is fine. Think the impact on your career is the more immediate consideration but even this can be handled. If you can manage this then go for it.

I think the age gap is fine. Problem might be if you decide to have more than 1 more. I can feel a little "left out" as my siblings are 11 & 13 years younger, so close to each other buy miles from me.

Also, it was tough doing exams with baby & toddler noise, & although I don't resent them in anyway I was surprised at the twinge of jealousy I feel seeing them able to have friends/partners around & parties etc. I couldn't do any of that as a teen/young adult as it would disturb the little ones.

I wouldn't want another. Two would be more than enough for me. I think it's the change of lifestyle for me too. I've been used to having a lot of free time which I do enjoy but would have to give up. I'm on the pill at the moment so need to make a conscious choice about whether or not to come off it.

My sil just had a baby. She has an 11 year gap. They will effectively be only children. 11 year has no interest in baby brother. She has repeatedly said mammy doesn't have any time for me anymore, she doesn't have time to give me long hugs and watch movies with me. Baby has reflux so a bit unsettled. SIL obviously is riddled with guilt. My sil had a great deal of help with first child as she still lived at home. This time she's in her own home she is finding it tough. She said it's like starting again, I've forgot everything. I think they had a baby for their other child so as she wouldn't be an only child but it's not what they imagined.