Is this age gap too big?

[smellycat67]

Had my ds9 in my mid twenties. Split with his dad and been with my now fiancé for 4 years. I'm now in my mid thirties. Am thinking about having another baby but am unsure due to the 10+ year age gap with my son. Is this too much or has it worked for other families? Aside from that it would mean giving up a lot of free time that me and my fiancé currently get when ds is at his dads.

Feel like I'm at a crossroads between going back to the baby lifestyle or trying to further my career somehow now my ds is growing up and becoming more independent. My heart longs for another baby and we can afford it. But the practical doubts make me wonder. I'd always hoped to have more than one child but closer together. This wasn't possible with my ex as we split when ds was small.

I have a 17 year gap between my eldest and youngest and my 2 and half dd is scared of her 20 yo brother.
There's also 9 years between me and my brother and I always saw him as another authority figure growing up, not particularly close now and he moved out at 17 so we both felt like an only child.

9 years isn't that uncommon for an age gap. In big families, it's nothing!

The biggest age gap I know about is 24 years - first child at 16 and another at 40. The two siblings are very close, although they relate to each other more like an aunt and nephew and are often assumed to be that.

There is 15 years between my youngest sibling and me
25 years+ between one of my friends and her youngest sibling (mum had first one at 18 and last one in her 40s!)

Honestly I don't think 10 years is too bad, as long as you are both happy with it. And at least you won't have to deal wit fights over who took whose clothing!

I don't think it's at all like being an only child. All the people I know with big age gaps between siblings are closer than those with smaller age gaps. There is much less rivalry between me and much younger siblings than the one closer to my age.

I'm very close to my youngest sister, almost 11 year gap. Also to my cousin, 13 year gap.

My grandmother was very close to her eldest sister, 18 years older, especially after her mother died when she was in her teens.

I don't think any age gap is too big.

I have dd 13 and ds 11 and a dsd age 12.
We also have a 1 year old dd!
The older ones love the baby a lot more than they love each other 🙈

I have one sibling 2 years older than me and one 9 years younger.

I’ve been close and not close with both over the years at different stages but ultimately we all get along well and the age gap wasn’t a problem.

There's 11 years between my two, my daughter adored her brother as a baby. They're now 7 and 18 and although they do fight a lot they've also discovered a shared passion for Fortnite during lockdown. I think this'll make it easier for them to keep in contact when my eldest goes back to university.
It's also great having a live in babysitter 😁

I think the age gap is totally fine! There’s 17 years between me and my brother. We didn’t “grow up” together but are really close and I adore him.

Go for it

Just to add my life! 8 year age gap with one brother (half-sibling) and then a 16 year age gap with the next brother (half-sibling). I love them both, we have amazing relationships in different ways. The brother I have the 16 year age gap with and me have always been super close. Works great.

I really wouldn’t let the age gap put you off, there is 8 years between me and my older brother and we did not “grow up as only children” as another poster suggested. We still did lots together and are close as adults. My mum ended up a single mum and she was able to invest in each of us fairly. Sometimes I thing it shows that my older brother was an only child for a long time but that’s another story 😂

The thing that would put me off is going back to scratch but it sounds like you want that so go for it!!!

I have a 9, 3 and 1 year old.

My eldest and the two little ones are thick as thieves! They absolutely adore one other, my eldest (my son) regularly sits and plays with my middle (my daughter) he sits with her for hours playing small world toys and is extra loving and helpful with her. And he’s incredibly protective of his brother my youngest, they share a room and I can hear him chatting away to his little brother every morning.

I’m sure as he gets older the dynamics will change and the younger two will play together more and spend more time together , but for now my son loves his siblings and the age gap hasn’t been an issue at all.

My brother is 11 years older than me. When I was very young we were very close, and as he became an adult, he was bit like an uncle to me. As adults we get on well and have a typical relationship. At times, it was a bit like being an only child, but in many ways I have the benefits of being an only child (lots of attention etc), with the advantages of having a sibling.

12 years between my sister and I and I have always hated the age gap (also another sibling 6 years between us). She sees me as the spoilt baby of the family and I felt resentful that both my siblings were both like this when I was at home feeling an only, lonely child struggling with many things at home.

It also sounds like your partner is going along with things to an extent. It will totally change your relationship. Think very carefully about that.

Don't mean to be doom but it hasn't been easy in our family. Incidentally I think that having a 5 year gap between our dc had it's hand in ending my marriage, even though second was planned, selfish twat exh had very much underestimated how much time and attention another baby would take from him

I had my third dd when my older two were 10 and 12. I had them quite young, and always wanted a third so it was a planned decision to have dd3. They are 22, 20 and nearly 10 now and its worked out so well for us. Eldest and youngest are extremely close with a big sister/little sister bond. I felt complete as soon as dd arrived.
It was suggested to me at the time that she would grow up as an only child. Not the case. She has two older siblings - always has, always will.
No regrets here!