Is this age gap too big?

[smellycat67]

Had my ds9 in my mid twenties. Split with his dad and been with my now fiancé for 4 years. I'm now in my mid thirties. Am thinking about having another baby but am unsure due to the 10+ year age gap with my son. Is this too much or has it worked for other families? Aside from that it would mean giving up a lot of free time that me and my fiancé currently get when ds is at his dads.

Feel like I'm at a crossroads between going back to the baby lifestyle or trying to further my career somehow now my ds is growing up and becoming more independent. My heart longs for another baby and we can afford it. But the practical doubts make me wonder. I'd always hoped to have more than one child but closer together. This wasn't possible with my ex as we split when ds was small.

There is a 26 year gap between my DF and his sister!

If you’re excited go for it! Personally I wouldn’t, I would love having the new baby about and it would be lovely but then I think of the sleepless nights, soft play, childcare and trying to please everybody holidays would be hard to trying to please a preteen and a baby.

Yes.

There are 11 years between my children and it’s been wonderful.

They are 17 (Ds) and 6 (Dd) now and adore each other. They are so close. They fight and bicker too. It’s lovey.

I’m pregnant again, there will be 18 years between youngest and eldest!

It’s not been like having two only children at all.

I think that the age gap is less of an issue than your age, and at mid 30's you're fine. I had my kids older than that and I think I was more ready than I would have been 10 years earlier.

If you want a baby go for it.

I agree, I don't understand it when people say that. How can a child be an only child when they have a sibling? What's the cut off , 5 years of more and you have two only children?
I have grown up children, a large gap but the gap gets smaller as they get older. My DM is very close to her siblings who are older than her, obviously the gap is very small when you're in your 60's and 70's.

I went out with a guy long term 15-21 his mum had him as a teenager herself and when I was with him she had 2 more children with a new husband.

Within a matter of months we would babysit, help out give her breaks take the babies out, it was so so lovely like practically being a second set of parents.

But with your gap and your worry about loosing your life and free time, you'll only have 5/6 years maximum and your eldest will be ok to help out with the odd nights out and later on.

So you've not really got that long to wait!!

My fiancé doesn't have kids but he is great with ds. He would be happy either way. He enjoys our lifestyle as it is but he's also aware that part of me longs for a baby.

I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I would be much more concerned about your partner's lukewarm attitude than the age gap. I would not want to have a baby with any man who wasn't as excited and committed to it as I was. You said yourself he's happy with your lifestyle the way it is, and not ever having a child he has no idea how drastically things will change. His agreeing to a baby just to make you happy sends up a lot of red flags to me, and him being good with your son is wonderful, but having your own is a whole other world. I would have some very serious discussions first before you decide to go ahead. Good luck.

Mine is only an 8 year gap and I have found it tough. Ds is 17 and dd is 9.

It has got slightly easier as dd has got older but they are definitely like 2 only children.

Finding things that both enjoy was very hard. Ds was too old for soft play when dd was a toddler and dd was too young for some of his activities.

They both love swimming and water parks so that’s good and he is very protective of her but they do bicker a lot.

There’s a 9 year gap between me and my youngest brother and now we’re 33 and 42 with families of our own it’s nothing at all.

Giving up the free time was hard but totally worth it. My dp originally said he never wanted children and ended up being the most amazing dad. Go with your gut instinct op.

Our kids are 28, 19 and 13, and are ridiculously close.

As a second relationship there are 13 years and 17 years difference between DSS1 and ds1 and dd1. Actually the relationship between my lovely step son and daughter is brilliant

Oh this has given me hope! Am hoping for number 2 and there will be a 9 year age gap. 😀

Stupid to say children are effectively an only child when they have siblings! I have teens and a baby and they adore each other. Gonna be a different relationship to what the teens has but doesn't mean that's bad - just different

There's almost 14 years between me and my little sister and I love her as if she was my own child - we have an extremely close bond and although I moved out at 18 I still see her at least 4 times a week, more than my other siblings! My mom having her was the most amazing thing

9 yrs between me and my sibling. Definitely grew up as only children, more so me as they left home when I was 10. I definitely felt lonely as a child but there were other circumstances that played a part in that.

As adults again we've always been at different life stages. It's less noticeable now but we've never been super close, mostly due to the age gap.

I wouldn't let it put you off having another though, if it's what you really want. You would be doing it more for you than to give your child a sibling which is the right thing to do anyway!

I have a 16 year age gap between mine. It wasn’t planned to be that big, we started trying when DS was 11 but it took a while. They have as wonderful, close relationship which is really lovely to watch. DS is 23 now and doesn’t live with us any more but she’s always on the phone or FaceTiming him. Unfortunately we haven’t seen him in the flesh since January which is hard.

@momtoolliex that’s such a lovely thing to read. I’m sure my DS would say the same about his sister. He’s named as her guardian in my will as I know he’d move heaven and earth for her.,

There’s a 15 and 16 year age gap between me and my sisters, I get along with them better than they get along with each other! They mothered me - and do now I’m nearly 30! I loved being the fun auntie to their children and now their children are older and I have my own they help out loads!

There's nearly 10 years between one of my sister's and I and we have always been really close. We get on so well now as adults and as kids we were inseparable. Doeant always work like that but it's less likely you'll get screaming matches between jealous siblings too.
In your situation I'd be basing my decision entirely on whether I was prepared for all the lack of sleep and nappies and stuff.

I had my Ds in my mid 20’s and then my DD almost 10 years later with a different partner. I always wanted another baby and I’m so glad I did as DD is a complete joy and I’ve really enjoyed it this time round and been a much more relaxed and confident parent.

I expected it to be a massive shock going back to the newborn stage and that I wouldn’t have a clue what to do. Also DS was very independent and also spent a fair bit of time at his dads so I had quite a lot of child free time prior to having DD which I thought I would really miss. When she was born It was honestly like riding a bike and I just swung back into newborn/baby mode.

Ds adores his little sister and she worships him. He doesn’t play with her as such because she’s a toddler and he’s a preteen but he’s always got time for her and will make her laugh and give her cuddles.

DD isn’t the best of sleepers and I do feel I have less energy than when Ds was the same age but to me that’s the only negative at the moment. The hindsight of knowing how quickly they grow up and the fact that phases pass so quickly has made me more laid back, confident in my decisions and has made me really savour every moment with DD.

doesn't sound at all like the fiance wants kids - that he'd go along with it to keep his new wife happy doesn't sound encouraging to me.

I think I'd consider how much practical help you will get with both children because when it comes to things like hobbies, day trips and holidays they will have very different needs.

It's impossible to say what sort of relationship they'd have as siblings. I do think people who take for granted that the older one will want to look after the younger are very naive though.

Now this is an age gap:
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/bernie-ecclestone-is-a-dad-again-65-years-after-his-first-child-was-born-12019309

OP, you’re fine

One of my friends has a 13 and a half year gap between her two and another 17 and a half years!