To think there has to be a gentler method than CIO for 13 month old?

[Pondlife87]

My baby is 13.5 months old and sleep just gets worse. She wakes up around 6-8 times a night. I'm working and I can't take it anymore. I have been against CIO/ sleep training but everyone is suffering and something has to give.
I've posted on a sleep training forum about it and people have said that she's too old and alert now for anything except CIO full extinction to work.
Please somebody tell me that they managed something a little less severe with their child at a similar age? I will do it if I have to, but only if it's the last option.

We currently have a bedtime routine which has been in place for about 7 months. We've broken the feed to sleep association. We've got black out blinds and we play white noise at night.
We've tweaked bed times numerous times, which only seems to make things worse. I've tried all the recommended gentle sleep methods for months at a time, with no change.

I'm at a loss of what else to do.

@PatricksRum not everyone has the same experience as you, can you imagine that? Some babies don’t just need a quick bf and off they go. Some wake and just cry and take ages to settle and attempting to co sleep makes it worse. If you want to be bf-ing a two year old in your bed all night then that’s fine, your prerogative. But that isn’t for everyone. And guess what, that doesn’t make you a better mum than them. You sound incredibly smug about your choices. Perhaps try modelling open minded, compassionate behaviour and an ability to emphasise with experiences different to your own-that might be good for your children?

[quote Rainycloudyday]@PatricksRum not everyone has the same experience as you, can you imagine that? Some babies don’t just need a quick bf and off they go. Some wake and just cry and take ages to settle and attempting to co sleep makes it worse. If you want to be bf-ing a two year old in your bed all night then that’s fine, your prerogative. But that isn’t for everyone. And guess what, that doesn’t make you a better mum than them. You sound incredibly smug about your choices. Perhaps try modelling open minded, compassionate behaviour and an ability to emphasise with experiences different to your own-that might be good for your children?[/quote]
Oh you wanna play race to the bottom?
I wouldn't if I were you.

Am I smug that I put my child before me? Mm not really. I'm proud, though.

I never mentioned good mother, bad mother. That was all you.

I couldn't get defensive about another mother tending to her child's needs.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I seem to have caused quite the debate.

For reference I am well read in the fields/ theories of Dr Sears/ attachment parenting/ gentle parenting/ Sarah Ockwell Smith/ Janet lansbury/ the beyond sleep training project. From birth I have always followed this theory and prioritised my child's needs under the guise it will get better and it is biologically normal. However i recently joined an extended breastfeeding forum and became overwhelmed at the vast majority of mothers who are extended breastfeeding who reported that their 5 year old still wake every 2 hours. It terrified me and has left me completely unconvinced that my baby will learn on her own and that the theory I have trusted in is correct. She only gets worse as she gets older.....hence the desperation of seeking advice.

There is so much conflicting advice out there which is impossible to decipher the truth from, that I think as Mums we have to do what is best for our families and selves.

I work and I am REALLY struggling in my job. I am fairly high up in my company and attend a lot of intense meetings about implementing policy and procedure etc, and half the time I just can't concentrate. I am working at about 50% of my normal capacity because I'm just so tired. So something has to give.

It's taken a while but I'm now over other Mums making me feel guilty because I can't cope anymore. I've done my absolute best. I've EBF approx 16 times a day for almost 14 months which equates to broken sleep for that amount of time. Maybe other Mums may be able to cope better, but everyone is an individual and has their own set of variables that need to be considered.

I didn't come here to be told it's normal and get on with it, I think that's clear from my post. Even if it is normal (which I'm becoming less convinced of at this age), there are always things that can be changed/ trialled/ tweaked.

We have now started the process of nightweaning. Husband has been going in to most wakings, unless she becomes hysterical (in the name of a gentle approach) and we are now down to 2 feeds, which I can cope with for now... Thank you for all your advice. X

Hi OP that sounds promising if you stick at it then it should get easier
@Pippinsqueak my DS was 17 months and had never fallen asleep without being fed. He was waking up every two hours and just did not seem to get physically tired without BF day or night.
I decided to move the bedroom around and on night one I put him in the cot awake and sat by the side of him patting the pillow and repeating phrases. After two hours of moaning he fell asleep stood up but the sleep association was broken and that motivated me to carry on. Night two he still fell asleep stood up but it took a lot less time. As the nights have gone on he's needed less and less from me and I've moved further away from the cot, sat in the chair with my back to him. Although I sit in the room while he falls asleep he's now done two nights in a row sleeping through. I still do a dream feed around 11 just out of habit, partly as I'm worried he will wake up if I don't and partly because he's so used to feeding in the night I didn't want to cut it all out so suddenly but I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! I looked at the gradual retreat method and adapted it to fit. Good luck

Sorry my paragraph's disappeared

I would also like to add a point I've found interesting I'm relation to sleep associations.
Since putting my LG in her own room and out of her bed I have struggled to get to sleep. I know I'm not a baby, but i clearly have a sleep association with her being in my bed.
I'm also a terrible sleeper myself and always have been (I did not sleep through the night until I was 3 and that was with a sleep consultants help).
Just some points to reflect on.

@LipstickTaserrr thank you for sharing your experience, mines been in her own room since 14 months and I think I'm going to wait til she's over the 18 month regressions then night wean and see if that helps sleep, if not them il have to do something along the lines of sleep training.

Sorry @Pondlife87 I've seemed to hijack your post but I am in the same boat as you work wise. Due to the pandemic I'm working from home but if I was at work like you I couldn't cope and I'd be off sick.

You are a hero remember that !

@Pippinsqueak DS turns 18 months in a few days so I'm hoping that sleep regression isn't mandatory. I can't imagine having to go back to two hourly wake ups after two whole nights of sleeping through!
I stopped breastfeeding my DD at 16 months and she pretty much started sleeping through over night although I had touched on sleep training techniques beforehand.
I would have probably stopped breastfeeding DS before now but the whole global pandemic thing put a spanner in the works and he's feeding more than before. I have and would still feed him back to sleep if he woke up in the night though. I'm not quite tough enough to night wean as it means disturbed sleep for DD. Fingers crossed we all bypass this regression!

@LipstickTaserrr I'm in the process of trying to distract her from wanting boob too much during the day but she still has a main morning feed first thing and last thing plus a couple quick comfort ones.

I was researching how to lower your milk supply naturally and found that sage tea is a natural way of doing it so may give that a go as she's a proper boob monster, hence why I cannot co sleep with her

I used lucy wolfe at 14 months. He was waking every two hours on average and had been since birth. Night weaning was important for us. Two nights in which he cried very upset in my arms for 15 min (you're not supposed to pick them up for this length of time but i wanted to lessen the shock of no milk), then i didn't have to pick him anymore at all and he went to waking 3 times a night only within a few days, six weeks on he sleeps 10 hours every night. He did cry but you don't leave them, i sang to him, gave him a toy to cuddle etc. I still stay in the room to get him to sleep, takes about ten min.

Can't recommend enough - first book i read that described his sleep pattern exactly. I suspect my attempts to cope of pickeup ans feeding immediately on crying were actually bothering him and stopping his sleep.