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AIBU?

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Original poster

Unrealistic expectations whilst wfh

23 replies

Disneyprincess99 · 30/06/2020 17:37

If one partner was wfh full time, demanding job and expected to be online usual hours of 830 - 430 with 30 min break for lunch, how much housework would you expect them to pick up?

This is my current scenario (although I am generally online before 830, and rarely log off dead at 430, middle management role which is highly demanding at the moment!)

Today I have, emptied dishwasher from the night before, put it through a wash cycle, done two loads of washing (just need to be put away), run in my lunch, nursery drop off for dd, tidied both the living room and kitchen, as well as working a full day.

Dh has been out to work (unable to wfh) worked 7 - 2, picked up dd and then moaned that I hadn't taken the recycling out! And then moaned when I stayed logged on for 10 minutes longer than I should have done.

His argument is I could have done the recycling when I went for my run (which I could have done i guess) but seen as I will also be doing dinner and probably bath and bed for dd as well, I don't feel its difficult for him to do that!

OP posts:
AnnieMaul · 30/06/2020 17:50

It depends if you're actually working during those hours or if they're just your contracted "working hours" (if that makes sense.)

If you are working then the expectation of what you should be doing in terms of housework (IMO) is zero.

Working from home is still working, it doesn't mean you should be trying to fit in household chores just because you're at home. By all means pick up a stray sock or tidy as you go if you're making lunch, but what you've done is plenty to be cramming into a working day.

BarbaraofSeville · 30/06/2020 17:56

That's quite a lot to be doing while you're supposed to be 'at work'. You couldn't do half of it if you were working in an office.

How long is his commute?

How about you do house stuff in the time between him leaving for work and you starting work, and him doing the same amount after he comes home? He could have taken the recycling out himself for a start. Or is he one of those men who believes in the housework fairies?

Purpleartichoke · 30/06/2020 18:08

When I am at work, I am at work. I’m not doing housework. At most I might move the laundry along from the washer to the dryer while I grab my lunch.

So I would expect you to do no housework during the day beyond cleaning up any dishes you use for meals or snacks, just like if you were in an office. N

RandomMess · 30/06/2020 18:11

You should have equal leisure time over the course of a week/fortnight...

ImFree2doasiwant · 30/06/2020 18:13

You shouldn't really be doing any of that in your working hours, but I think things like a load of washing or dishwasher van easily be fit in while making a cuppa for example.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/06/2020 18:15

Arguing about this, being competitive about who is tireder and treating each other like this is route 1 to divorce in x years time.

eausolovely · 30/06/2020 18:22

Babe you are doing more than enough! I haven't left my desk all day and have achieved zero housework! The way I see it you couldnt have done any of that if you were in the office so he has no place to moan. Its probably because he doesn't see the amount of work you do for your job as he isn't there.

Original poster
Disneyprincess99 · 30/06/2020 18:22

All of the housework I did was done before nursery drop off (so 6 - 7) or as I was grabbing a quick drink and lunch (which was eaten at my desk)

I am expected to be working those hours, my workload is very busy at the moment so I do quite often need to spend some time after work as well finishing off bits.

Dh works 7 - 2, 10 minute commute. Home by 230 latest and pretty much sits down. Will occasionally cook dinner. Doesn't do any work outside of work hours and doesn't understand my job can't always be left dead on 430.

OP posts:
QueenArseClangers · 30/06/2020 18:25

So he’s a lazy fucker?

RedskyAtnight · 30/06/2020 18:26

If I were working in the office, I'd expect to sort the dishwasher and washing (washed overnight) and leave the kitchen tidy before I went out. So the only extra thing on your list is tidying the living room (which I'd probably do in the evening).

Was the recycling a priority (i.e. being collected today)? If so, perhaps this is a case of you doing the "wrong" things, not how much you've done. Does DH pick up an equal amount of housework/childcare?

TooTiredTodayOk · 30/06/2020 18:30

Have you posted about him before? This is familiar, even down to your working hours. He gets annoyed if you work even a few minutes past your finishing time?

If it's you again, he's still a cock.

If you're a new poster, he's a cock.

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2020 18:33

DH works from home permanent. Before lockdown and me joining he did

Empty the dishwasher in stages, normally while waiting for the kettle for the 10th mug of tea
May get the washing out from the dryer if he remembers it (clothes are my responsibility but I may ask for a favour once in a while).
May bring rubbish out while waiting for lunch to be reheated

These are extras, nothing I expect him to do.

I work now 9-5 and normally get one or two loads of washing done, one before work and then one during a tea break. I may bring some items upstairs where my desk is and put them away.

But, I am always on Skype chats unless I tell my group I am away from the desk for longer than a potty break so I just do have the time to tidy around or do more,

Original poster
Disneyprincess99 · 30/06/2020 18:43

The recycling wasn't a priority, bins not collected until Friday. I always make sure they're out and done the night before

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 30/06/2020 18:49

Your husband is a dick.

  1. Why does the recycling have to be done now if not picked up til friday
  1. Why moan about it, if he wants it done earlier why not do it himself
  1. Why is it your job
  1. Does he not understand what the w in wfh is?
  1. Its normal for salaried people especially in management to have to work a bit later than their contracted hours especially when its busy. Can he really not understand that if you don't you will get seen as having a bad attitude if you refuse to do something because you're finishing bang on 4.30 or whatever and will ultimately get less pay increases and promotion.

He is either stupid or pretending to be because he can't come out and say 'you should do my share of the housework as well as your own because I'm lazy and you're a woman'

BarbaraofSeville · 30/06/2020 18:50

Where was DD between 2.30 and 4.30 if you were working and he was 'sitting down'. Surely he was at least entertaining her so you could work in peace?

Or is that why he's so keen for you to finish on time? So that he doesn't have to be a parent a minute longer than he has to?

FizzyPink · 30/06/2020 18:58

That’s quite a lot to get done during the working day but if he finishes at 2 and you at 4.30 there should be plenty of time for you both to do household chores.

At the moment I do basically everything because I do 9-5.30 at home and DP works very long hours so I don’t mind. I don’t expect him to do any housework when he’s left the house at 7am and gets home at 9.30/10pm however he’d never dare to point out anything I’d missed.

mrsm43s · 30/06/2020 19:07

You work similar hours, he possibly does a bit more childcare/school runs. On the basis of that, I'd expect housework to be shared equally. Obviously outside of working hours, not during them, for both of you.

Original poster
Disneyprincess99 · 30/06/2020 19:34

Between 230 - 430 he was playing a game on his phone having some quiet time while dd went between the living room and upstairs to where my office is to play in the floor next to me. I didn't have any calls this afternoon so this worked today, but doesn't every day.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 30/06/2020 19:42

We are both wfh at the minute, and would do occasionally under normal circumstances. Expectations are that whoever is home will chuck a load in the dishwasher while the kettle boils, maybe clean up after breakfast, that sort of thing.

dreamingbohemian · 30/06/2020 19:47

He's lazy as fuck

Why aren't you expecting him to do anything after he gets home?

MsVestibule · 30/06/2020 20:11

You're both working similar(ish) hours, so I would expect the housework/childcare to be split roughly 50/50, but only when you're not working.

DH is currently WFH and, apart from walking the dog (if he has time) and giving the DCs their lunch, I expect him to do zero housework during his working hours, not even stack the dishwasher. (Of course it's then a fair split of domestic duties when we both finish work.)

As you know, him expecting you to do housework while you're WFH isn't the problem. It's that you've got a lazy arse DH. Imagine coming in from work and sitting down for two hours when you have a young DC???

Wondergirl100 · 30/06/2020 20:16

He was playing a game on his phone while his daughter had nothing to do? That is horrible and surely not nice for her? Also - two hours of staring at his phone? We all love a bit of relaxed phone time - but surely no parent with a child in the house does it for 2 hours?

sst1234 · 30/06/2020 20:37

This thread is identical to one posted a few days ago. OP are you describing the same tuning happening again and again

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