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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't just turn up when someone is working from home .....

87 replies

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/06/2020 11:19

…. friend has driven an hour to 'pop in' for a coffee with her teen.
I feel bad that I've turned her away, but I've got almost constant phone/zoom calls this morning, plus other stuff going on. I can't just ignore them and sit with her.

I know I've stopped to do this Grin, but that's literally seconds!

I know she doesn't get it, and thinks I'm being a rude cow.

OP posts:
Limpid · 30/06/2020 11:21

Of course YANBU! Would she show up at your workplace and expect you to cancel a meeting to have elevenses with her?

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2020 11:22

Would she 'just pop in' to your office (outside the home)?
No?

Then rude

BlingLoving · 30/06/2020 11:23

Oh god, SOOOO annoying.

If ONE good thing might come out of this is that those of us who are self employed and/or work from home might no longer always be the default person for day time activities. I mean, it will still happen, but hopefully all those office workers who have been WFH will now understand and cut us some slack.

It drives me mad. And even if I'm just sitting surfing the internet, the point is that's part of my process. I surfed the internet for 60 minutes yesterday but then churned out a massive document in less than an hour as I'd been letting it percolate at the bag of my head the entire time!

EL8888 · 30/06/2020 11:23

She’s rude, not you. I’m sure she would love it if you turned up at her workplace with your child, perched on the edge of her desk swigging tea and debating what takeaway to get tonight

ludothedog · 30/06/2020 11:24

I get this too. people assume that you're not working. Its hard

TeeBee · 30/06/2020 11:25

God, this drives me mad. I've worked at home for years. My neighbour thinks its okay to drop in unannounced and chat for ages about nothing. My MIL will often say 'oh, I'll pop over tomorrow if you're at home'. What's the matter with people??
YANBU and I think you handled it well.

Waiting42021 · 30/06/2020 11:26

YANBU that would really annoy me.

DH and I started working from home a week or two before the official lockdown started.

In that time, MIL and FIL ‘popped round’ 3 times (and stayed for well over an hour each time). They knew we were supposed to be working but didn’t seem to care. Not to mention the fact that we were already being advised not to have close contact with people!

I think some people think ‘working from home’ means lounging around and watching Netflix while checking for emails every hour or so... I wish Grin

Sparklesocks · 30/06/2020 11:26

Clearly she thinks people who ‘work from home’ aren’t really working in the same way as those in workplaces. If she doesn’t understand that then this might be what helps her learn!

YANBU, if I had an unexpected guest I wouldn’t be able to entertain them while I worked from home either. Sometimes I’m in Zoom meetings or on calls, or taking minutes and typing them up.

Also even if you weren’t working from home doing the ‘pop in’ is always a risk - you could be heading out the door, or unwell, or in the midst of a big project. She’s unreasonable for getting shirty and expecting you to drop things.

HariboLectar · 30/06/2020 11:30

YANBU I have a family who thought they would be able to stay with us in a few weeks, I had to remind them that we're WFH so it wouldn't work for us.

acatcalledjohn · 30/06/2020 11:31

Eh? She drove an hour to pop in without checking with you first? I assume she knew beforehand you are WFH?

Baffling.

YANBU, just in case that was in any doubt.

SwedishK · 30/06/2020 11:34

I have worked from home for years and people keep calling me during the day. Especially those that are retired (my parents and MIL) and they expect nothing less than 45 minutes of catching up. It's just that I don't always have time for that during the day. They just figure I can catch up with work in the evenings instead but I really don't want to.

WildfirePonie · 30/06/2020 11:35

YANBU, i've worked from home for 7 years and family/friends think i'm available 24/7...

SarahAndQuack · 30/06/2020 11:36

OMG, this drives me nuts. Agree with @blingloving it'd be wonderful if the current situation would get people to realise that those of us who work from home are working!

My DP's family are awful for it - they would regularly turn up hours earlier than arranged then expect me to stop work and 'host' them. Even when we'd got to the stage when they'd turned up early before and no one had been in the house/I'd 'not heard the door go' because I was working, they'd still be puzzled and confused.

BurtsBeesKnees · 30/06/2020 11:38

My friend would do that, I work from home and she would do it all the time. I'd just turn her away. I did have a cuppa with her once when it was slow at work and had to kick her out after 3 hours Hmm

Barbararara · 30/06/2020 12:44

Popping in is inconsiderate at the best of times.

SunbathingDragon · 30/06/2020 12:47

This always happens with working from home.

moita · 30/06/2020 12:47

My in laws are the same (DH often works from home even before lockdown).
He's had to ask FIL to leave before as he was getting no work done.

YANBU

islandislandisland · 30/06/2020 13:06

YANBU. My in laws who I normally see once every 3 months despite them living ten miles away keep turning up on the doorstep expecting us to troop out to the pavement for a chat midweek mid afternoon. Why they can't just send a text and ask if it's ok I do not know, I think it's really self absorbed of them.

IwishIhadaMargarita · 30/06/2020 13:27

My mum kept trying to call me just after the stabbing on Glasgow last week despite me sending two texts saying ‘I’m on a work call I cannot answer!’ She left two silent voicemails which cost me money to retrieve!! I am working!

IwishIhadaMargarita · 30/06/2020 13:30

My DH did say can you imagine living back home and trying with mil and dm being constantly in your face.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 30/06/2020 13:32

How can she think you are being rude? Does she not recognise that she was the rude one?

bonjonbovi · 30/06/2020 13:33

My parents are terrible for this. I live 30mins up the road, and they will pop by to drop off a loaf of bread or similar (I haven’t asked, nor need the item). I think it’s just to get my mum out of the house, but they act very offended when I tell them I’m on a call and can’t sit outside talking for an hour. “Well what a wasted journey that was”.

Bubbletrouble43 · 30/06/2020 13:35

Omg I get the rage with my in laws over this.... DP was working from home in the past, and they'd invite themselves over for lunch. I think some people don't understand what working from home means!

HanPanPeg · 30/06/2020 13:37

It seems to be retired people who think that because you’re at home you’re free - my mum is the same. Fortunately it’s just on the phone but she is equally offended when I say I don’t have to talk.

billy1966 · 30/06/2020 13:40

So..... she drove for an hour without contacting and checking if it suited you because she knew you would definitely be at home,... WORKING.......but thinks YOU are rude because you can't stop for a leisurely chat because you are .....WORKING? 🙄

Idiot!

YANBU.

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