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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don't just turn up when someone is working from home .....

87 replies

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/06/2020 11:19

…. friend has driven an hour to 'pop in' for a coffee with her teen.
I feel bad that I've turned her away, but I've got almost constant phone/zoom calls this morning, plus other stuff going on. I can't just ignore them and sit with her.

I know I've stopped to do this Grin, but that's literally seconds!

I know she doesn't get it, and thinks I'm being a rude cow.

OP posts:
ChanklyBore · 30/06/2020 15:03

I work at home, and I am self employed, which is a double whammy as far as most are concerned. Not only am I not really working, I don’t have a boss to answer to, so what could I possibly have to do that couldn’t wait? It’s not like I could get in trouble, is it? It’s not like proper work (inferred) that men do. In an office.

The fact is my self employed work is the vast majority of our household income but many, specifically Dh’s family, choose to believe that he brings in all the money and I must be working at my little woman not really a job probably more of a hobby for pocket money.

DCs school are also crap for this. I’m at home ergo I am available for “quick” chats, to nurse sick children, to drop everything and go and collect the child that looks a bit peaky etc etc etc etc

squashyhat · 30/06/2020 15:06

@HanPanPeg

It seems to be retired people who think that because you’re at home you’re free - my mum is the same. Fortunately it’s just on the phone but she is equally offended when I say I don’t have to talk.
Don't make assumptions and don't be so bloody condescending. I'm retired but my siblings and friends are not. I wouldn't dream of disturbing them during the working day by text, phone call, visit or any other means. I've got far too much else going on in my life. And when I was working (not so long ago), sometimes at home, they did me the same courtesy.

Self-centred may equal hard of thinking. Retired does not.

CountessFrog · 30/06/2020 15:09

I do some work zoom calls in the evening when DH is home.

Last week he arranged to go out when I was due to be on zoom. Really stressed me out. We had kids in the paddling pool, older child had two friends in the garden due to eat dinner.

Cue mansplaining about how the problem isn’t him going out when I’m on zoom, it’s me liking things quiet. And it’s me catastrophising and thinking the doorbell will ring, when it won’t, and I should chill out.

So when he got home I was happy to report that, during my zoom call, three amazon parcels had arrived, the kids had sat waiting for their pizza, the dog had pooed on the grass and nobody had picked it up, so somebody had stood in it.

The mansplaining hadn’t been useful tbh.

LinManWellWellWell · 30/06/2020 15:27

What everyone else said. But also - you’re not allowed in people’s houses (yet). So why would she think that’s ok?!

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2020 15:29

Well, I'm astonished. Three pages already and nobody's pulled the "your OWN MOTHER has to make an APPOINTMENT to see you?!?!" shock horror. Or will I cross-post with that very thing?

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2020 15:29

... nah, doesn't look like it Grin

JaniceWebster · 30/06/2020 15:30

you’re not allowed in people’s houses (yet). So why would she think that’s ok?!

the OP might have a garden, you are allowed to have people around outside.

JaniceWebster · 30/06/2020 15:30

Anniegetyourgun
YOU just did!

Gulabjamoon · 30/06/2020 15:31

YANBU. No way would people do this to a man.

TabbyMumz · 30/06/2020 15:33

Are they allowed to go indoors at the moment?

Euclid · 30/06/2020 15:34

I thought that the rules still forbid people from going into the home of somebody with whom they are not in the "bubble" available to an adult living alone.
No wonder the virus is still around in force.
And I agree that she is completely selfish to interrupt your working. Work is work wherever it is done.

JaniceWebster · 30/06/2020 15:35

No way would people do this to a man.

back in the real world, they do actually.

Badbadbunny · 30/06/2020 15:37

YANBU. No way would people do this to a man.

Oh, for God's sake, yes, they would and yes, they do. Let's not make something else a feminist issue.

It happens to my OH who has worked from home for 20 years. His brother regularly turns up without prior arrangement and he drives about an hour - a few times, OH has actually hidden in a back room until he goes away. He's a real PITA with it. His mother did it too before she died. Also, he has a few friends who think nothing of popping around during the working day. It all drives him absolutely insane.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/06/2020 15:37

Yes, but I didn't mean it.

Durgasarrow · 30/06/2020 15:54

Nobody is supposed to "pop in" anyway--there's a pandemic. But yes, you have a j. o. b.

CountessFrog · 30/06/2020 15:57

They would do it to whoever is home.

In my experience, amongst my friends, lots of women are wfh with kids right now

gluteustothemaximus · 30/06/2020 15:57

Yes, all my family members over the years thought I could just 'stop' because that's one of the benefits of working from home.

Mind you, they've never recognised I do 'proper' work. It's not like self employment is a 'proper' job Hmm

AnnieMaul · 30/06/2020 15:58

To me, it doesn't matter if you're working from home or not. Those who "pop in" on others tend not to be my kind of people. I find it very rude!

I worked from home even pre-covid and it's amazing how people think that just because you're at home you're available or can make yourself available at the drop of a hat. It's still work, except you have unlimited access to the fridge Cake

BlueJava · 30/06/2020 16:01

My MIL has done similar - (pre-CV19) insisted on staying as I'll be at home. In reality I've just had to leave her on the sofa and get on with my work. She got really bored after a few days and left. I felt bad but I had warned her and I can't not work.

CorianderLord · 30/06/2020 16:03

I wouldn't have the time either, I'm working.

CorianderLord · 30/06/2020 16:05

And I have set hours so I can't just do it later either

piefacedClique · 30/06/2020 16:12

Arghhh! My friend does this.... “I’m just dropping dd off at so and so’s house.... I can see your cars there so just checking you are in!” Then I literally can’t say no! She’ll then bring Dd with her as they are early! Piss off and leave me alone to work!

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/06/2020 16:19

Not rude to knock on your door. But rude to expect you to drop everything - she should have been prepared for you to say "sorry, not convenient".

HotMessTryNotToStress · 30/06/2020 16:24

YANBU
This is one of the reasons we have a CCTV camera at the front door, we can screen who is visiting and pretend not to be home if needs be!
I don’t like it when people just turn up and want to pop in, I never do it to anyone else, it’s rude in my book.

Feellikedancingyeah · 30/06/2020 16:25

Pain in general. FIL used to kindly help us if we ever had any decorating to do.

MIL used to tag on and sit in my lounge expecting tea and chat !