Manners!

[paintednailsandnoknickers]

I'm generally a grumpy old cow about most things and genuinely try to curb this as much as I can as no one wants a misery around, but manners or lack of them really really annoy me.

I'm trying to be kind and more thoughtful so hope to get your thoughts on this.

I was left a message on my answer phone from a lady wanting to know more about the services my husband's business can offer her (quote, etc). It was quite a long message going into quite a lot of detail, not once did she say please or thank you? I always answer questions, leads, etc even if we don't necessarily want or need the work.

I deleted the message and ignored it, AIBU?

Go with your gut feeling. It's normally right I've always found. A please or thank you takes a few seconds if that!

It's a pet peeve of mine. I think it's totally fair.

I expect the lady concerned will pass the message around that your company doesn’t respond

And not responding to an enquiry is ill mannered in my opinion

I expect the lady concerned will pass the message around that your company doesn’t respond

She will. When we were looking for a builder we first asked friends. Few mentioned companies which never got back to them. I didn't waste time trying to get a quote. Nor did some other friends.

Word of mouth. The best and simultaneously the most dangerous review site.

I'm a natural planner and organiser and hime all day so my friends often ask me for local tradesmen numbers. I never give them numbers of people who don't respond to a phone call. And if they say 'what did/do you think of X firm' I would just say don't bother because if they can't even be bothered to return the call then they obviously don't need your business.

I'm never rude on the phone but lucky you being in the enviable position of turning away customers.

Shoddy way to deal with a business enquiry. As others have said, speaking to an answering machine is quite different and she was probably trying to get across what she needed to as quickly as possible.

It's very rude not to reply to the message regardless of whether you wanted the business or not.

It's almost certain that if your company comes up on conversation they will say 'I tried to contact them but they never got back to me' That would certainly put me off if I was looking for a builder.

Manners are really important to me, so if I left a voicemail for a business and they didn't return my call I'd consider them disorganised, unprofessional, or rude. And if it came up in conversation I'd probably mention that "XYZ business didn't even return my call..." which isn't a good advert is it. So, YANBU to value good manners, but YABU to have just deleted the VM and not returned her call (which could backfire if you're unlucky).

I’m shocked about the post from the person working in NHS. I think you should always speak to people how you’d like to be spoken to, no matter where you work.

You're grumpy with someone who was a bit short with an answering machine...? Perhaps she was hoping that if she called an advertised business number, in the middle of a working day, that someone might actually answer the phone!! You ever thought of it like that OP?

Based on your tone, and some of your replies, I think it's your manners than need honing.

I never quite know whether to say thank you or not at the end of a message. I usually do but it feels incredibly awkward.

YABU. I seem to lose all intelligence when leaving answer machine messages, I know I'm not the only one.

Judging someone from that one snippet of them is far ruder than not minding P&Qs when speaking to a machine! I think this particular customer has swerved a bad experience to be honest.

I always panic when it goes to answering machine. I always say please and thank you but I'm sure I've forgotten when leaving a message because I panic and try and make sure I say everything I need too and then hang up asap.

I am at the idea that nhs means you don’t have to be polite

I am glad most nhs staff I have encountered are actually nice including my gp receptionist

It's a machine. You don't normally say thank you and please to machines, just to people. I don't thank a machine!

Yabvvu and for someone who says they don't like rudeness, you were exceptionally rude

Manners are important. But if I get an answer phone I can guarantee I leave a very random message and have no idea what I have/haven't said after I put the phone down.

It's good to know there are businesses out there not struggling let's hope she has also contacted another more accommodating company.

I'm delighted to hear that, unlike many others, your business is thriving and in fact, doing so well, you can turn down lucrative work. You, my dear, are the rude one, deleting the message without responding.

How bloody arrogant.

Lots of us only ever use tradespeople recommended by word of mouth these days, and this potential customer of yours may have far-reaching influence in the local community. You may have shot yourself in the foot with your highhanded behaviour - and I rather hope you have.

I think I would automatically say 'thanks very much' at the end of the message but YABU to turn down business because of it.

@PurplePansy05

I work in the NHS and unlike private clinics I don't "have" to be particularly polite

This is why I dread calling GP receptionists and community midwives. Also why I ended up with PTSD contributed by how I was spoken to last year by NHS staff at my local Early Pregnancy Unit. This attitude stinks and should absolutely be called out. All service providers ought to remain professional with patients, clients and customers. The way some NHS staff speak to patients is not acceptable in any setting, public or private, and this needs to end.

Coming back to this thread, yes, customers should also be polite, but as I and most people said, a VM isn't necessarily representative and assumptions should not be made purely on that basis.

As an HCP, sadly I have to agree. I'd say 75% of NHS staff are polite, but there is a substantial minority who are rude to both patients and colleagues.

It's your business so up to you which clients you take on. Personally this wouldn't be one of my criteria for selection. I would have called back, and if I still didn't want her business I'd say I couldn't fit her in for ages!

People who ask for stuff on FB, free or to borrow, with no please or thankyou. I'm always itching to add a manner or two

I'm with you OP.. not so desperate for business that I don't require manners . Lack of them tells me what type of client they will be... a client we don't need !

@MrsNoah2020 I know most NHS staff are lovely and my recent experiences confirm that. Thank you for your post, you sound lovely too. As in every profession, I think there are some people who don't care/got burnt out/have too much going on. Some clearly got into the stage of complacency (I'm public service, the lot of them don't have a choice, they'll come back no matter what) or detached themselves and became cold and harsh. That's what should be worked on, some training perhaps would be helpful. I am also in the profession constantly exposed to various people and sometimes the way we're spoken to really isn't nice, even though you'd think our clients should be polite and professional too. But I bite my tongue and get on with things, stay courteous, perhaps put "Regards" instead of "Kind Regards" in my email 😂 I train my juniors to step away and come to me and talk things through if they have someone difficult in. But there were occasions where we as a senior team had to step in be clear that certain things aren't ok. Most people understand, some don't, but at least we tried. I just think OP's post sounds immature, her and her OH must have been in business for a while to build up a decent customer base and to assess the situation purely on the basis of one VM without exploring it at all is just not how businesses are run, really.

I agree with you OP. Having dealt with clients like that in the past she probably thinks she's 'doing you a favour' by giving you her business.

One of the best lesson for me in business was when my boss sacked a client when they said they needed to know the name of a particular person working on a project so they knew who to 'call up and shout at when things go wrong'. They said they don't need that sort of client. I bet they didn't say that to the next company they took on.

@frog22

I agree with you OP. Having dealt with clients like that in the past she probably thinks she's 'doing you a favour' by giving you her business.

One of the best lesson for me in business was when my boss sacked a client when they said they needed to know the name of a particular person working on a project so they knew who to 'call up and shout at when things go wrong'. They said they don't need that sort of client. I bet they didn't say that to the next company they took on.

You’re assuming a lot from an answer machine message you haven’t listened to.

You’re assuming a lot from an answer machine message you haven’t listened to.

Really? Please take some time, without making assumptions about me, to explain the assumptions I've made.