Manners!

[paintednailsandnoknickers]

I'm generally a grumpy old cow about most things and genuinely try to curb this as much as I can as no one wants a misery around, but manners or lack of them really really annoy me.

I'm trying to be kind and more thoughtful so hope to get your thoughts on this.

I was left a message on my answer phone from a lady wanting to know more about the services my husband's business can offer her (quote, etc). It was quite a long message going into quite a lot of detail, not once did she say please or thank you? I always answer questions, leads, etc even if we don't necessarily want or need the work.

I deleted the message and ignored it, AIBU?

I think the YABU here is that you made a big assumption on personal judgement rather than actual facts. Sounds like the lady left some information about the job - perhaps she thought keeping to facts would be better than pleasantries. Clearly you must be a busy since the answer phone is on.

Just because she wasn’t polite doesn’t make her rude. Perhaps she already called 3 other businesses who haven’t called back and frankly she was having enough of repaying herself.

@madcatladyforever
I work in the NHS and unlike private clinics I don't "have" to be particularly polite
Really quite shocked you feel that way.

I'm a bit of a stickler for manners but think a voicemail message isn't always going to be a true reflection of the person leaving the message so would have given the benefit of the doubt and spoke in person.
I do put a fair bit of stuff on Freecycle (because I'm to lazy to list on Ebay or Gumtree) and have a policy of the item going to the first person to use please and thank you because I got sick of the "I'll have it" "Yes" and "When can I get it?" messages.

"I'm generally a grumpy old cow about most things"

Really? You'd never guess from the way you're answering posters on this thread...

I presume the woman's overall tone was rude rather than just not saying please or thank you.
I had a lovely builder working in my house. My neighbour stopped him in the street and said "when you're done there, come here, I've got a job that needs doing"
I didn't hear the interaction but the builder came in and said how rude my neighbour was, specifically mentioned he didn't say please or thanks and said "if he thinks I'm going round to see him he can jog on"
So you're not alone.

[quote TARSCOUT]@madcatladyforever
I work in the NHS and unlike private clinics I don't "have" to be particularly polite
Really quite shocked you feel that way.[/quote]
Me too, this is why doctor's receptionist think they can talk to you like you're an inconvenience. If you deal with patients in your work for the NHS, then it is absolutely a requirement to be polite, in fact it's a basic requirement. I'd fire anyone with that attitude. Everyone deserves respect, regardless.

I kind of agree with the OP, although I wouldn't necessarily have deleted the message myself. I have a couple of colleagues who are noticeable in their lack of please and thank you, they would also be the two people most likely to find fault with any kind of work from a tradesperson.

Some people struggle with voicemails, doesn't mean they're not nice people. YABU to judge someone so quickly off not even a face to face meeting.

My experience is that most people don't like leaving messages and don't talk the same way they do face to face.

I'd have rang her back.

I'm generally a grumpy old cow about most things

THIS

OP, if all business leaders took your attitude, the economy would come to a grinding halt. Are you trolling?

Having to leave a voicemail makes me panic. I end up jabbering and not really getting the point across. I know a lot of people are the same.

You're coming across really badly on this thread! Judgemental, rude and off hand. I run a business too and I'd certainly not set a lot of store by an answerphone message! Are you sure your husband would be on your side if he knew you were discarding money so carelessly in the current financial uncertainty?

if you can afford to delete a detailed request then your business obviously doesn't need her custom.

On the other hand: it's a business transaction. It's enough to be clear and factual about what you want. OK, I'd probably say something "I'd like to receive your quotation by the end of the week, thank you" but

meh.
YAB(V)U

Wow.
I can’t believe you turned away business just because the woman didn’t say please or thank you!

If you can afford to throw business away because you can't cope with a detailed answerphone message that doesn't include the words please or thank you, your husband must be very good at his job. It doesn't sound like you are much good at this element of your though.

But surely OP, you have the manners to come back to your own thread .

Yeah, you’re quite right OP, you are a grumpy old cow....

OP: AIBU
Everyone: yes
OP: Nitpickers!!!!!111

So you admit that you're a grumpy old cow, but you expect other people to be friendly and polite (to an answer machine)? Ok then. People tend to be more concise, factual and direct when they are leaving a voice message. If that's the sole contact you've had with them, I'd suggest it's not a very good basis for judging their general manners.

I think you were very rude. It's an answer machine message as others have said. May bear no relevance at all to how she is in person.

what @giantangryrooster said. For me it's a cultural thing too. I don't say please and thank you all the time because I sometimes forget it's what people expect (even after 11 years living here full time!) but I'd like to think I am a very polite person who values other people's time, especially when I'm planning on doing business with them.

I might say something along the lines of 'Could you give me a quick call back when you get a minute?' and forget to say thanks at the end. So unless that woman was swearing down the phone YABU. I think the way you behave and act are way more important. I've met plenty of rude people said 'please' and 'thank you' but when it came down to actions were rude dickheads.

If I had left a message to a business phone number and they never got back to me I would consider that to be terrible service and would most likely leave a review online about it.

Context is everything
I once was embarrassed by a boss because I did not say thank you even though I was nervous and making grateful noises comments but failed to Achual it say thank you, she turned out to be v ridged much hated person

Also this lady was going to be paying you thousands and trusting her home in your hands so it is you who should be saying please and thank you

I work in the NHS and unlike private clinics I don't "have" to be particularly polite

This is why I dread calling GP receptionists and community midwives. Also why I ended up with PTSD contributed by how I was spoken to last year by NHS staff at my local Early Pregnancy Unit. This attitude stinks and should absolutely be called out. All service providers ought to remain professional with patients, clients and customers. The way some NHS staff speak to patients is not acceptable in any setting, public or private, and this needs to end.

Coming back to this thread, yes, customers should also be polite, but as I and most people said, a VM isn't necessarily representative and assumptions should not be made purely on that basis.

I'm a director of a company in the same sector. I would not just delete the request for more information, I would however call back and say, I do apologise, we do not have availability to take on the work at this moment in time, because of Covid we do have an extensive waiting list and we have had to stop adding clients to the list awaiting our services, but thank you for your enquiry.

You never know why she seemed rude, maybe shes an anxious person who was just trying to concentrate on giving the details of what she was looking for, maybe she was a rude cow.
But I have found those who are rudest shout the loudest when they have to deal with rudeness themselves and I wouldnt really want to risk my business being subject to bad mouthing from people who wanted to complain to people they know that we never got back to them...always better to be the professional business who got back to them, and were helpful but sadly couldnt help than the business that just didnt bother to get back to potential clientele.

What a ridiculous thing to do
The woman is non the wiser