To be upset that all my friends always act like they have to 'fit me in' to a small slot in their schedule?

[VioletGrace]

Every bloody friend I've got is like it. If I suggest meeting up with anyone they're all always 'so busy' (Yet have plenty of time for other friends), and it's a case of 'Hmmmm, I've got a one hour slot 4 weeks' on Wednesday from 3 to 4pm, I could fit you in then for a quick coffee.'

Another friend has done it to me today. She is always doing things with other friends such as girls' holidays, weekends away, nights out etc but although quick to contact me if she wants something, can never fit me in and if so it's always weeks away for a 'quick coffee'.

AIBU to just never bother contacting any friends who act like this? I also find that no friends ever have anything nice to say about me. They gush over other friends on social media and talk about others about what they say is gospel, but no one is interested in anything I have to say, or in anything about me.

They clearly don't like you very much... sorry but I don't think you're really a close friend.

I have a couple of periphery friends who I like and might see every so often, but they're not my best friends who I'd drop almost anything for.

Do some classes in something completely new - learn Latin or Early Music or Woodwork or something totally different from what you usually do and know about.

Op this is a really great thread, thank you for posting. I am in your position as per my prev post, but other posters have put into words honestly what and how they feel and we ,as the receivers, really know. It is hard being on the receiving end but people have been honest about their views on friendship and that has helped me personally as i know i was not wrong about what i was feeling and sensing. It is hard not being on peoples radar and being fobbed off with cheesy excuses. It is hurtful to experience this and its ok to feel hurt and for you to feel hurt. You need to value yourself more now op and sometimes that means starting from scratch. I would not reccommend you do what i have done and that is call people out on it( although i did get a sense of satisfaction especially those who have used me) . Just move on now and cultivate new friendships with boundaries in place. You come across as a very kind and caring person. You are a good friend and you deserve to have good friends.

Yanbu. Ditch all of them and if they ask tell them why!
People generally respect people more (and like them more) when they can stand up for themselves.
Dont be so quick to carry out favours for people just see who you like hanging out with. Do you have any hobbies? I know things are a bit ltd right now but maybe an online book club or whatever else you're into?

Honestly OP I have been there and the answer is to get comfortable with yourself and your own company, and let new better friends arrive. Do hobbies you enjoy BUT dont go thinking you must make friends. Go to enjoy your hobby. Over time not trying you will find you've built rapport with people and will suddenly find they are contacting you and they are proper friends.

I say this kindly, they are just not that into you. I had a ‘friend’ ended up being like this. In the end I cut her loose.

Hey. I hope you are ok. I think that things that happen at school sometimes cast a long shadow. They can go on the impact your own self worth for years and years.
I have been in your position and I think to some extent it was my own doing. I never said anything about arrangements being changed at the last moment. I always was happy to listen and never said anything. I am not like that now. I have friends that sometimes make me feel crap, not by anything they have done but because of what is going on in my head. It's sometimes better to have very low expectations of those flaky people who are not really 'Friends'

Hi OP, I can relate. I feel like I'm always the one that initiates contact. Quite often if I suggest something it is declined or I get a "maybe, will let you know" brush off.

The most hurtful aspect has been my 2 oldest friends going for meals without me. I feel pathetic even feeling sad about it. Also they never engage with my facebook posts - I know it sounds ridiculous but it bothers me that they cant bring themselves to like my infrequent posts. Makes me feel like a total loser.

I've had to take a look at our dynamic. We've been friends for 30 years and clearly some kind of pattern has established itself. Theres been no falling out that's triggered it. The only factor is that I'm a single parent so would have to sort childcare so I think they reckon it'll be too much faff to include me. Plus I think cos I'm single, I notice how little I see my friends more than they would notice. When I was in a couple, I didnt see them that often but it didnt really matter so much cos I wasnt alone a weekends.

My solution is to try to move on. Like you I have other acquaintances who could develop into friends. I want to try to determine what I actually want from friendships and take it from there. I don't want a lot - occasional get together every couple months, texting every now and then with general banter, bit of interaction on social media. I'm not high maintenance!

A different view but your friend has offered you a time slot in her diary.
But you're offended because she can't do stuff earlier? And she's doing things with other people this week.
But presumably they got booked in 6 weeks previous to now too.
I lived like that for years - it was pretty normal to put stuff in the diary for 6 or 8 weeks hence. And weekends away 6 months or a year in advance. All my friends did that. To me it was the norm.
You're seeing it as them being rude to you but that's not how it comes across to me.

Feel for you. Had it myself. She could fit me in for a quick cuppa at x location before work.!! Always to suit her. Another a socially distanced walk but will be left up to me again to organise. Busy busy busy lives they have I just took step back had enough of being used.

Ive a friend like this, Whilst in times of need we have always taken really needed, call from each other and met up regulary, she know seems so busy All the time to meet up (she is a really busy person and I do understand that) but she doesnt even "fit me in anywhere", its a shame and Ive given up asking tbh