To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

A relative and her family of young children were not having a good time so at Christmas I treated them with some very nice presents. I took a lot of thought, and quite a lot of money to get things just right for each child. I'm sure they did enjoy them, but it would have been nice to have had a thank you note...

Oh yes

Looked after a friends son when she went back to work part time after maternity leave...... was supposed to be 2 weeks turned into 4 months. And he was the most awful child, destructive, rude, deceitful etc.

Helped out a friend with all sorts after a messy divorce. She promptly swanned off an a flashy holiday overseas after pleading poverty and my feeding her and her brood lunch and dinner for weeks on end as she claimed she couldn't afford to shop properly.

@DontLookTwice

Offered to look after the neighbours two cats for a fortnight whilst they were on holiday. They treated the cats appallingly. They left the cheapest brand Sainsbury cat food for them and told me firmly they were only to have half a tin a day once a day. The cats were rake thin and locked outside all the time. I fed them religiously and stuck to instructions despite feeling very sorry for them. Never got a word of thanks so didn't offer to do it again.

I think it is awful you didn't feed them up. Poor cats. Why take the demands of horrible people over the needs of helpless animals?

Too many to count, to be honest!
I had this 'friend' who was a massive user. When we were teenagers I would lend her stuff and never see it again. If I got a new outfit somehow she would be the one wearing it out that weekend. Borrowing my make up/perfume and using most of it. Borrowing my shoes and stretching them with her massive feet and scuffing them to shit. If she came over to get ready I would spend ages on her hair and make up as she 'couldn't do it' and be left rushing through mine. Escalated to her borrowing substantial amounts of money off me with a sob story, never paying it back.
She would engineer a 'girls catch up' and say could I colour and cut her hair (I'm a trained hairdresser) while she was there then once it was done she would fuck off to hang out with someone else.
I was always paying for stuff. She would tell her boyfriend she was at mine without letting me know, while she was off having sex with other men/other peoples partners and I had to awkwardly lie for her. Her family were very wealthy too
Awful cow.

Another 'friend' I did loads for as she was a single mum, (as was I at the time). I used to pick her up, drive her and her dc for days out, pay for stuff, take her to get her shopping when her car died, rush over if she was sad. Gave her my childs old baby clothes etc
When my child ended up in the children's hospital severely unwell she completely dumped me. Just disappeared off the radar. Then she fucked my boyfriend.
I really need to sort my boundaries! I'm much less tolerant these days. I think maybe cause we wouldn't dream of doing this stuff, we think others wouldnt either.
This thread gives me the rage, so many CFs!

Sooooo many times!!!! I always think before I agree to anything now.

Yup, offered to pick up a friends daughter for an after school activity, fed them both, and took to them to the activity. When our younger daughter was in hospital for a month our older daughter didn't want to go to the after school activity due to one of the leaders shouting at the girls and not being very pleasant, and with her sister in hospital she was clinging to both of us frightened she wouldn't see us again (long story). I didn't leave the ward for 4 weeks not even for a cup of tea. It was extremely difficult for my husband to continue to collect their daughter and deliver her to the acrivity due to the visiting times on the ward and the horrific situation we were in meant we couldn't focus or talk to anyone outside of the family. The friends mother then decided to use my daughter as a pawn in her vicious ways and withdraw promises she had made to me as some kind of power trip! Nasty piece of work! Unfortunately I had also loaned this woman my garter from my wedding as "something borrowed" for her big day, on the strict instructions it was returned but I've never had it back. Big regret for being "nice" to someone. I'd like to say I haven't been made a mug of since but I guess I'm a sucker and need to tell people no once in a while.

I do dislike the pleading poverty ones. People: give them an inch and they will take a mile !
In my humble experience it's the people that really are up against it and will never ask for any help at all , that tend to need it most.
Good thread and very sad that there are so many people that take advantage of any helping hands. Some of these stories are awful.
I've learnt to only help family and those who I know wont take the pee !

Years ago A pair work colleagues invited me to their wedding (the fella was a friend of my boyfriend). I thought it was a lovely gesture but just a week beforehand she told me that I would be the barmaid, I said I wasn’t sure I’d be confident in doing that....invitation retracted.

Fast forward a year & my own wedding, boyfriend asked his friend to be his best man. Friend was really chuffed & wife started telling me how to organise everything (I nodded but ignored her). When it came to the best man helping with duties he said he was far too busy as he was going on holiday the following week. My boyfriend ‘sacked’ him. They said they still wanted to come as guests so we included them for the caterers. Wife had a headache so they didn’t turn up (no notice). Found out afterwards they went to a karaoke night at the pub.
At least we didn’t have to pretend to be friends with them any more.

Let a friend wear my real pearls for her wedding (80’s era )
I moved away for work but sent a letter asking for their return, no reply. Foolishly I thought that once I went to visit a month later I could get them.
She had had them almost framed with her photos in the wedding album... She was going through some bad mental health stuff so I let it go . Really regret that now.

Think the worse thing is to trust people too much . Times In the past so called friends have given hard luck story and I’ve loaned them money never to get it back. Now much older and wiser I’ve learned a harsh lesson never loan anything to anyone especially cash....

@Bonniegirl18

Think the worse thing is to trust people too much . Times In the past so called friends have given hard luck story and I’ve loaned them money never to get it back. Now much older and wiser I’ve learned a harsh lesson never loan anything to anyone especially cash....

My dad drummed it into me to never loan more than I can afford to lose.

After I broke up with my ex (he cheated on me) I sent his sister a congratulations card on her wedding. Lots of bitching from them about that so I just think ok, now I no longer wish you a long and happy life together, losers! Have a short shit life instead if that’s what you’d rather!

A colleague of mine had a terrible experience with another friend. Too much to go into here but she was so good to her and it all ended in tears.
Some people are just horrible.

Had a boss who invited the whole department to a party at his home. Lots of us went. When we admin people turned up he smiled and turned to everyone, 'Our servers are here! We can get started! Follow me into the kitchen, girl' One girl was blinking back tears. That was enough to piss me off even more and I was about 30, the other 2 were a lot younger. 'You didn't tell us you only invited us to be unpaid wait staff. What a horrible, mean, unprofessional thing to do. C'mon, we're leaving,' and I marched them both out.

I ended up quitting the next week because he was a cunt.

Years ago, when my son was about 12. We paid for two friends to have a fun day which included , ice skating, one of those paint shooting things And then a slap up meal for them afterwards ( harvester type meal) and one of the boys left most of his meal and he chose the most expensive dishes ( which I checked with him if he actually was sure he liked it) . At the table just before we left, I then heard him make a really nasty, sarcastic comment about my son that he didn’t know I heard. He also never once uttered a ‘Thankyou’ I literally pushed him out of the car when we gave him a lift home. Little sh*t

Ppl love taking advantage, gotta have your wits about ya, if someone asks you to pay something for them make sure you ask for money first or no chance! Stay away from the mums at school (not baby sitting anyones kids) unless im paid upfront lol 😆 I do the odd nice things like help someone with their buggy, do things you dont mind not being paid back for, the little things. Some people will take the piss as much as you let them!

Ive lent money before and waited months to get it back, i asked and they make you feel like its a crime to ask for your own money back, never lending money to ppl again. I know tight asses who really just save money for their own wants, usually self centred ppl who only give a crap about their image on social media 😂

Fairly new at work and a situation had arisen where the admin staff were having problems with certain managers. One really popular colleague instigated a ‘work to rule’ which we all agreed to out of solidarity even though it was mostly her workload that was affected by the problem. She went on annual leave to cover school hols and we all suffered the fallout and arguments but were looking forward to being able to show her the progress being negotiated. First day she returned and it was like the work to rule never happened and she was apologising to the managers that everyone on the team was so useless. Really changed my perception of her and I regretted being involved. On reflection it does look deliberate and my need to be helpful and show solidarity was ridiculously naive and harmful to my career.

@Divoc2020 aw I feel your pain!! In my experience no-one values what they get for free!! You should tell her that a) your time was worth£8k which resulted in a full house and b) ask her to recommend and/or thank you publicly on social media c) use it as a case study on your own website resisting in a full house! That will speak for itself to many customers - all that work needs some reward!! C) Or you could tell another member how upset you were & all the work you did d) send a Mock invoice to her as you've listed!! Just think of all the experience you have gained!! 😘

I helped ex's 'cousin' find a job. Helped her with CV, did interview prep, proof read applications etc. Turns out it was his secret wife.

Moved out of our house to give a family member and their family somewhere to stay for a few months.
Came back to absolute filth, so much damage that I filled 17 pages of a shorthand notebook with the details (one item per line), phone bills through the roof including calls to Japan and the Philippines. and eye-popping fuel bills.
My OH sank to his knees on the floor and cried as it was his house and furniture.
I used the card they left to wipe the cat's backside before binning it. The card that is, not the cat or it's backside.

I was on my way home from work when I saw a dog walking along the white line in the middle of a busy bypass.
I pulled over and parked in a lay-by and tried to entice the dog to safety. The dog came to me but then started growling and snarling so I knew he was nervous and pretty scared.
After a few minutes he ran back
onto the bypass, fortunately it was fairly quiet at this point and he continued on his way, but as I walked back to my car he turned around and walked back towards me.
He sat on the grass verge with me but growled every time I tried to get close enough to him to enable me to get the phone number on his identity disc.
After a few minutes two lads on a motorcycle pulled over and managed to contain him whilst I called the phone number on his collar.A woman answered the phone and said she would come and get him. The two lads then went on their way and I sat with the dog for about 20 minutes until the owner arrived. The woman got out of her car picked up the dog and placed it on the back seat of her car and drove off without a second glance!
I was fuming as the dog could have caused an accident, but there was no way that I would have left it on it’s own (unless of course it ran away as it did initially)so I sent her a text on the lines of “Hope you got home ok, took about 30 minutes to get the rascal to safety but hopefully he’ll sleep off his ordeal”
I didn’t want a fanfare, just a thanks
would have sufficed.
She didn’t reply...

Both me and dh have done this on countless occasions and have had to learn the hard way just what arseholes people can be! Unfortunately once a piss taker, always a piss taker! I dont help anybody now or do anything kind and selfless for anybody that isnt under my roof anymore!

So many times and yet I never learn. I loaned out something to a relative recently, who used it for a different and entirely inappropriate purpose (for their partner) to which it had been borrowed to do, resulting in it being trashed. The promises to replace it, get it fixed etc fell flat and the partner never once apologised. I often complain that every time I put myself out to help, I end up regretting it due to other people's behaviour. Yet there i am, front and centre, waiting to be crapped all over at the next opportunity. I'm not afraid of saying no, so I don't understand why I'm always so desperate to help?

We let a friend stay in our spare room, rent free for two months.

They went on holiday for a week so we ate a yogurt they left in the fridge that went out of date the day they left. They went ballistic on their return about us "stealing their food"

Another one, lent ex-Bf my old mobile as I was I had upgraded but still had a month of contract left. He was skint and we were still on speaking terms/considering trying again. Got my bill back to see hundreds of messages and calls to the girl he had cheated on me with and the reason we had broke up in the first place. I cut the phone off without a second thought.

My dm attended day care and one client was about to turn 100. Where we are the government gives a cash sum to people who turn 100. I organised the forms and mum passed them on to this lady. I think the amount is around €2000. Her son applied for the money which she received. She also had a party in a hotel for her birthday and thought that she might have invited my mum to say thanks but no invite was forthcoming.