To those who make friends easily

82 replies

Binny36 · 29/06/2020 08:36

How do you do it? What are the secrets/tips?

I feel I attract 2 types of people in my life: users and clingy. I’ll give some examples so maybe someone can tell me where I’m going wrong: 1)users met a new mum friend from baby group and very early on she wouldn’t hesitate to ask for things - childcare, borrowing stuff etc I just avoided as I felt quite uncomfortable and used. 2) clingy I met a lovely girl in a baby play activity I went to every week, we quickly became friends and I went back to work 4 days a week. On my day off she would always want to meet up (I know it sounds lovely! But wait till I finish) she’s the one that used to arrange it not me and I said yes every time. I’d be waiting for her where we arranged and she would text me saying “oh so sorry hun I can’t make it xxx”. I’m not exaggerating it would happen a lot! I started resenting her as I felt she booked up my only day off and I never knew if she would follow up or cancel last minute. I felt suffocated by her and every time my phone beeped for a meet-up my heart would sink. I did carry in this friendship for 4 years! I tried so hard to just let things fizzle out but she would contact me every time. Our boys ended up in same primary school so I saw more of her. She thank god did a shitty thing so I had perfect excuse to “break up” with her. She still tries to catch my eye and is sorry for what she did but I rather be friendless than have Someone like her in my life.

Sorry I waffled on! I really want nice friends who don’t take the piss and I can have nights out with, why is it so hard? Not sure how post - covid will work. I’ll be going back to work 3 days.

OP posts:

PeonyRose80 · 01/07/2020 17:34

@Limpid not putting boot in at all, I can identify why I am like this, I just am struggling with “fixing” it....but am determined and this thread has motivated me!

ShebaShimmyShake · 01/07/2020 18:53

[quote Crackers321]**@PeonyRose80, @thepeopleversuswork, @ShebaShimmyShake, @Limpid and anyone else!

I’m a people pleaser and have put everyone else before me. I suffer from anxiety and some depression. Can you help me deal with a workplace issue please:

I’m starting new job in September, will be getting paid from 1st September. Already I’ve spent time doing meetings and producing documents etc. They keep emailing me on my personal email address and now I have further emails listing extra things I have to do with deadlines by when! I don’t want to piss them off before even starting the job! I don’t want them thinking I’m lazy either - how to deal? Just to note the person whose sent the recent workload has previously ignored my email when I’ve asked them for some Information in order to complete previous task.[/quote]
Hi Crackers, that does sound like a difficult situation. I can only say what I'd do. I'd probably start by looking into whether they can legally do that if I'm not going to be paid for two months? If not then I think I'd say something. Assuming I wanted/needed the job, then tbh I probably would do what they're asking because as you say, I don't want to piss them off before I even start and I want to give a good impression. But I would be honest if I absolutely couldn't do something and say why. If it looked like they really did expect me to work two months for free then I'd be considering how badly I needed the job, because tbh if there's no money coming in anyway then I don't really want to be working!

Workplace stuff is tough because you don't always have a choice, especially if you need the job. I guess I'd look up my legal rights and weigh up how badly I needed the job. I have left a job without another to go to because of an abusive manager, but I was fortunate that I was in a position to be able to do that. At other times I had to stick it out until I got another job. And of course, jobs are very precious in these times. I guess just weigh up what's most important to your situation. If you have no choice and need the job but they're arseholes, I guess you have to suck it up but keep looking for an alternative. Not easy in these times, I know.

sonjadog · 01/07/2020 19:15

I think I would email them back and ask if they want to start your contract earlier as they are sending this work now, or if they want you start 1 September as planned? To highlight that you are currently working for free. Or if you are unavailable before 1 September, then say sorry, but you are busy with x, but look forward to joining them in September.

Crackers321 · 01/07/2020 19:21

I did ask if they could pay me but their response was the contract starts in September so we’ll only be able to pay you from then. I’ve been working for free since April, wasn’t too bad then as just a meeting every few weeks and just some documents to create. But it’s annoying me more now as emails keeping popping up with deadlines. I’m thinking of ignoring them and if they ask I could either say didn’t get them or say “oh I forwarded it onto the work email to I can work on in September”. They had to create a work email so I could join meetings but interestingly they don’t email on there! They only email on personal account - I find this to be even more proof they expecting me to do the work

ShebaShimmyShake · 01/07/2020 19:22

@Crackers321

Oh goodness, you've already been doing it since April?

They don't sound professional at all. How badly do you need this job?

Crackers321 · 01/07/2020 19:26

I do need the job and it’s in a nice area. It’s teaching if that makes a difference. I’ve been teaching for many years and you don’t work for the school till you’re contract actually starts. They’re taking advantage of covid for sure. I’m hoping they will respect work life balance when I actually start! I’m getting emails on the weekend and haven’t even started yet.

ShebaShimmyShake · 01/07/2020 19:30

I think you need a fellow teacher to tell you what the norm is here. It sounds very off to me but I've no experience in that field.

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