My mum upsets me on my birthday every year

[Imrubbishatuserables]

so I know this year is different and we are at home.. but we have been sat around all day doing nothing. I don't feel special. Yes I am 31 and a single mum but every year she makes out like I'm being a dick! I cooked breakfast for everyone this morning. (My mum, step dad, my son, my sister & her partner & me) so we were just sat in the living room. They were looking at old photos in the other room. I don't want to look at on my birthday cos they have my nan and grandad in who are not with us anymore and only yesterday she told me my nans sister in law passed away the other week.. (couldn't go to funeral anyway because of lockdown) so they upset me. Then the football went on in the living room so I said I was having half hour to myself in the bedroom upstairs and she starts stirring shut with the family saying I'm being stroppy. When I wasn't. I just didn't want to listen to the football. I don't live with them.. I live on my own but 20 mins away and I don't drive. Last year we were away and got told that we had to go back to the hotel instead of staying out for dinner and drinks. The year before I stayed away from the family and spent the day doing what I wanted on my own. As it makes me happier

[FortniteBoysMum]

Go home. Every year my parents would argue on my birthday growing up. I hated it. Then since that I had the birthday with my aunts cancer diagnosis, the one I found out my bf was cheating on me and a few more crap ones. This year I have decided to book a weekend away with the other half and kids. I will turn my phone off and anything else can sod off. If you think they are going to ryin your day again then take your child and leave.

[TimeIhadaNameChange]

What happens for your sister's birthday? Are you told to spend your birthday with your family or is it your idea? What will their reaction be of next year you decide to spend it without them?

I do sympathize. Every year my mum makes my birthday about her, reminiscing about how terrible the birth and aftermath was. I'd love to have one birthday when I'm not dragged down by her, but at least I know it will happen. It makes me determined never to do the same for my daughter.

Go home, have a drink and make plans for next year which do not involve meeting up with your family at all on the day.

[1Morewineplease]

Am I missing something, OP said she was at home?

[Cherrysoup]

Just go home and organise a day out somewhere lovely with your ds next year.

[MorganKitten]

The last three years I’ve had birthdays that are kinda crappy... I turned it around last week on my birthday and didn’t see people who annoy me. Fixed it.

[gobbynorthernbird]

@1Morewineplease OP says she doesn't live with them and can't go home as it's 20 minutes away and she doesn't drive.

[ShinyMe]

Wait, are they all round at yours OP? Did they come for breakfast and then just stay all day? Bloody just kick them out and do your own birthday!

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

[Sparklybanana]

One of the most interesting blogs ive read is about someone 'choosing' to have their birthday by themselves. Free to do whatever they want. I think they saw a movie, had a nice lunch and went for a massage or something. I think next year you should do this. They can give you babysitting for your birthday present.

[Candyfloss99]

Why on earth did you go to someone else's house to cook them all breakfast on your birthday????????

[LockdownHairdo]

I have spent my birthdays on my own, doing what I wanted, for the last 20 years. Honestly, it's better. You get to choose exactly what you do and you're not relying on anyone else. TBH, once you are out of your teens, birthdays aren't a big deal to other people any more.

[Yesmate]

Grow up. You are 31 not 13. FFS. If you are at their house go home. If they are at yours ask them to leave. Stop trying to get others to make your birthday special. You are not a child. Make it special for yourself.

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

Sorry, just saw some more of your post, and don't wish to be insensitive.💕

But missing your other relatives sort of bears out my mindset.Just do your best. 💐

[gobbynorthernbird]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

What does your mum being dead have to do with OPs mum being a twat?

[YouCanBeMyWingmanAnyday]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

While I am sorry that you miss your mum Hopeisnotastrategy not all mum's are great, some are toxic, so your comment is really quite unnecessary and more than a little dismissive in tone.

[Mary46]

Do something nice for yourself. They sound like they wont change now.

[Sparklesocks]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

I think this is quite dismissive. People are allowed to feel frustrated or upset by their parents and family members, those feelings aren’t immediately eradicated because you should just feel grateful they’re alive. You can feel appreciative for having people in your life but still be angry with them. And that’s not even touching on those with toxic family members and their strained relationships with them.

[Longtalljosie]

Birthdays can be a really difficult day. Try not to have high expectations of your mum on this day - you know you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Are you bubbling with your mum and stepdad?

[GabsAlot]

dont cook on your birthday its my only rule-i dont understand why you would and especialy over someones elses house

[Hercwasonaroll]

Honestly you sound hard work. Celebrate how you want and stop making mega dramas out of everything.

[Nanny0gg]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

Mine's been dead 42 years.

Is this a competition? Do I win?

Happy birthday OP. I'm sorry your birthday's been shit. (btw, never post about birthdays on AIBU. Adults aren't allowed them).

Plan on next year's being a day of what you want to do.

[Wilkiemini]

You have every right to want to feel special or cared for on your birthday!

Happy birthday 🥳 🎂

For future birthdays book something, have a day out, order a cake for you and maybe share with a friend? Treat yourself and forget trying to please people who obviously don’t deserve the effort you put in...let them make their own bloody breakfast :)

With age will come courage...you’ll gain it but start now!!

[Plumplumbadum]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

God, there's always one isn't there.

[Doggodogington]

Eh? Your family came around for your birthday, looked at photos that you didn’t want to look at and you pouted off upstairs? You sound a bit of a diva. Your nans SIL passed away which had upset you? Now, I could understand if it were your Nan but your nans sil who has no relation to you at all? It’s very dramatic op.

[PamDenick]

Op, am I right in thinking you live with your mum?
Or are you staying with your mum at the moment?

It’s a bit confusing.
Sorry you’ve had a disappointing day.