My mum upsets me on my birthday every year

[Imrubbishatuserables]

so I know this year is different and we are at home.. but we have been sat around all day doing nothing. I don't feel special. Yes I am 31 and a single mum but every year she makes out like I'm being a dick! I cooked breakfast for everyone this morning. (My mum, step dad, my son, my sister & her partner & me) so we were just sat in the living room. They were looking at old photos in the other room. I don't want to look at on my birthday cos they have my nan and grandad in who are not with us anymore and only yesterday she told me my nans sister in law passed away the other week.. (couldn't go to funeral anyway because of lockdown) so they upset me. Then the football went on in the living room so I said I was having half hour to myself in the bedroom upstairs and she starts stirring shut with the family saying I'm being stroppy. When I wasn't. I just didn't want to listen to the football. I don't live with them.. I live on my own but 20 mins away and I don't drive. Last year we were away and got told that we had to go back to the hotel instead of staying out for dinner and drinks. The year before I stayed away from the family and spent the day doing what I wanted on my own. As it makes me happier

[Ginger1982]

OP has form for disappearing...

[BackforGood]

'20minutes away' could be by walking though - OP hasn't said.

@Imrubbishatuserables - will you come and answer some of the questions ? Like why you walked / were collected / got a bus or a taxi to your parents house, then then you cooked a big breakfast for them all ?

[emmcan]

LTB

[THEDEACON]

from now on avoid your family on your birthday and enjoy your day

[saraclara]

I don't think you can expect people not to look at old photos because it's your birthday. Especially when they're in their own house.
Most people find it nice to reminisce over old photos. And in my family, we're more likely to do that on birthdays and at Christmas because it's a time for looking back affectionately at past happy times. I wouldn't expect anyone to get upset over it, so I don't expect it occurred to them that you would.
Did you tell them, in a mature way, that actually you'd rather not?

[Italiangreyhound]

Wanting to not look at old photos or watch football is not stroppy at all. They should have planned something nice for you or at least consulted you. XXXXX

[Italiangreyhound]

Happy Birthday. Next year plan what you want and do not include anyone who makes you unhappy.

[Waveysnail]

You were being stroppy op. In your parents house visiting- didnt want to look at photos, didnt want football on telly then made an announcement that you were going upstairs. Stay home next year

[LagunaBubbles]

Adults are entitled to celebrate their birthdays despite some people here on MN thinking its childish. However OP why go if you knew what it would be like?

[1Morewineplease]

Were not we’re

[1Morewineplease]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Some of you Dobermans could at least read the thread. Or apologise when you realised you'd missed something, as I did.

Yes, I mis-understood like others and I have apologised.
Some people find it hard to follow a person’s words ... maybe because the person’s words we’re mis- leading or just , hard to follow , as posters often type from the heart , without thinking because they’re desperate.
Sometimes a follower just got the wrong end of the stick as it’s difficult to really understand a problem when it’s not face to face and you’re not able to see the nuances.
It doesn’t mean that posters , who have misunderstood are dogs .

[Aughrim18]

Happy birthday lovely
It is ok to feel disappointed - everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday.

Next Saturday plan your real birthday - what ever you can afford to do during this difficult time

A special take away with your son - put him in the buggy - find some where nice to walk and have a coffee and a cake.

I know this is AIBU but negative comments only makes a person feel worse about themselves and feeds lack of self esteem - not a good cycle

Suggestions can always be framed positively

Have a look at some u tube videos or get some books on making yourself happy.
I like Paul Mc Kenna - I Can Change your Life
Byron Katie is good too

Things to boost your self esteem

[Hadjab]

With the greatest of respect, your 31, not 13 - why are you letting them dictate how you live your life?

[1Morewineplease]

[quote gobbynorthernbird]@1Morewineplease OP says she doesn't live with them and can't go home as it's 20 minutes away and she doesn't drive.[/quote]
Just re read... apologies.

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

Some of you Dobermans could at least read the thread. Or apologise when you realised you'd missed something, as I did.

[PamDenick]

Op, am I right in thinking you live with your mum?
Or are you staying with your mum at the moment?

It’s a bit confusing.
Sorry you’ve had a disappointing day.

[Doggodogington]

Eh? Your family came around for your birthday, looked at photos that you didn’t want to look at and you pouted off upstairs? You sound a bit of a diva. Your nans SIL passed away which had upset you? Now, I could understand if it were your Nan but your nans sil who has no relation to you at all? It’s very dramatic op.

[Plumplumbadum]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

God, there's always one isn't there.

[Wilkiemini]

You have every right to want to feel special or cared for on your birthday!

Happy birthday 🥳 🎂

For future birthdays book something, have a day out, order a cake for you and maybe share with a friend? Treat yourself and forget trying to please people who obviously don’t deserve the effort you put in...let them make their own bloody breakfast :)

With age will come courage...you’ll gain it but start now!!

[Nanny0gg]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

Mine's been dead 42 years.

Is this a competition? Do I win?

Happy birthday OP. I'm sorry your birthday's been shit. (btw, never post about birthdays on AIBU. Adults aren't allowed them).

Plan on next year's being a day of what you want to do.

[Hercwasonaroll]

Honestly you sound hard work. Celebrate how you want and stop making mega dramas out of everything.

[GabsAlot]

dont cook on your birthday its my only rule-i dont understand why you would and especialy over someones elses house

[Longtalljosie]

Birthdays can be a really difficult day. Try not to have high expectations of your mum on this day - you know you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. Are you bubbling with your mum and stepdad?

[Sparklesocks]

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My mother upsets me every year on my birthday because she is no longer with us.

You have great problems. 😊

I think this is quite dismissive. People are allowed to feel frustrated or upset by their parents and family members, those feelings aren’t immediately eradicated because you should just feel grateful they’re alive. You can feel appreciative for having people in your life but still be angry with them. And that’s not even touching on those with toxic family members and their strained relationships with them.

[Mary46]

Do something nice for yourself. They sound like they wont change now.