To think saying “please speak English” is no longer acceptable

[BooFuckingHoo2]

I used to say this a lot to my friends if they were mumbling or using slang I didn’t understand. (I would never use it to someone who’s first language wasn’t English!). My parents also used to say it to me when I was saying like all the time or slang terms.

I feel like actually maybe I could be being offensive accidentally (I have ASD so it’s hard for me to gauge) but I wouldn’t want to offend someone by mistake. I’m aware that whilst I wouldn’t say it to a non native speaker I could be overheard and someone might take it personally

This isn’t meant to be goady or racist at all so please delete if anyone feels it is.

Should I stop using this phrase?

YABU - no keep using it
YANBU - stop using it

You are worried some random who overhears your conversation between you and your friends will be offended - I understand your ASD side but please just stop worrying, if we all took this route then we might as well stop talking! The way you say this to your friends is completely normal, no way would you say to a friend "can you please say that again more clearly" and all the other batshit suggestions you've had

It's not a phrase I would use and my children mumble a lot. I tend to use 'were those actual words?' or my mother's favourite 'please can you e-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-e' but that would only be with people I know VERY well.

For teasing friends, your phrase seems fine to me, but to anyone I didn't know well I wouldn't say anything like that, I would just say 'Sorry, I don't understand'. As others have said, it's all about context.

OP
You're joking with friends who are being really technical.
Its fine

I say this to my DH a lot - he's Scottish (and no he's not offended, he just tells me to learn The Queen's Scottish), it's all done in good fun

If it’s someone I don’t know well I do the standard British thing of saying “sorry I didn’t catch you there”, listening intently the second time and then if I still don’t understand smiling and nodding politely whilst trying to catch the gist of the conversation

I do the standard British thing of saying “sorry I didn’t catch you there”

I though standard British thing was smile and nod😁

@Vargas yes that was a favourite of my parents’ too . In the nicest way possible a lot of my friends don’t know what enunciate means so I’d probably be met with a lot of blank stares

"I also use it when some of my engineering friends are explaining something really technical in terms I don’t understand."

God I hate when people do that. So arrogant about not understanding something. And tbh in my experience it's always the people who are less I intelligent but think they're so much smarter than everyone else that do this stuff.

Just say you dont understand and can they explain.

Like PP I would just say 'in plain English please'.

Why in gods name would you think it is racist. The media and the left wing nutters love to be racist every day but ignore them, It’s perfectly fine.

@Nottherealslimshady

I don’t see how it can be arrogant to say I don’t understand something clearly I don’t feel superior by being less educated on a certain subject than my friends?

My friends say it back to me when I’m talking about something technical they don’t understand. I’m pretty sure none of us think of ourselves to have superior intelligence.

OP you're way overthinking this.

When it's said between friends it's a joke.

It's like when I asked my friend, who's a chemistry student but also bakes a lot, for advice about how much baking powder to put into a cake. He launched into some spiel about chemical reactions and different amounts and all kinds of technical stuff. Once he was done I looked at him and went 'and in English?' In a jokey way, and he just laughed and said '1.5 teaspoons and it'll rise perfectly'.

Similarly I have dyslexia and especially when I'm excited or highly emotional in any way my texts to my friends can end up missing words or swapping them round so they end up not making sense. They just reply 'and in English?' And I realise I've done it again, laugh about it and correct myself.

The same if someone is talking really fast and mixing up their words so they end up coming out in the wrong order of not making sense. It's all in jest between friends. It's just another way of saying 'you're not making sense mate'.

It's entirely different from telling someone, especially someone you don't know, to speak in English instead of their native language, just because they're in England. The phrase came before the xenophobia and is rooted in good humour, it's not something you need to stop doing as long as it's in the right context.

I think as long as you’re only using it with native English speakers it’s fine as you are not going to cause offence. A non native speaker overhearing would get the context, which is that you don’t understand some of the jargon terms.

You are on shakier ground if it’s dialect words but if it’s technical stuff eg related to engineering or IT then it’s perfectly acceptable to joke about it being unclear. You’re ‘punching up’. That’s the key thing about jokes. You can joke about people who are more privileged, knowledgeable or intelligent than you but not the other way around.

I wouldn’t use it to someone I don’t know well as I think it could come across rude, I would prefer to just say pardon/sorry I didn’t catch that. I think it’s politer, especially if you don’t know the person who might have anxiety, speech issues or just generally it could be seen as a bit rude

It depends on the circumstances, if it's someone you know well it's fine, however if it's someone you vaguely know or have just met then it's not appropriate. I use it when my son goes all mancunian on me and I can't understand some of the words although I'm getting better so I know what a brew, scran and a ginnel is.

I’m also worried about whether I’m being offensive to my non-white friends! I think I know them well enough to joke about these things (The ones I would say it to are born and raised in England) and I speak to them in exactly the same way I would to my whites friends.

Equally am I inadvertently being racist by considering speaking differently to them? I.e. by choosing no to use the phrase to people who’s parents may have been born abroad am I being casually racist by not speaking to them in the same way I would to my multi English generation friends?

To be honest it’s a minefield I’m trying to sensitively navigate

For jargon or kids whining that's fine. I might ask "En anglais s'il vous plaît" if it's really unintelligable.

"Please speak clearly" has it's own problems if someone has a speech impediment or using jargon.

I have auditory processing issues and find "pardon" near useless as people just tend to garble in the same way again and I always miss the same point. I get to the point by repeating what I understood and targeting the bit I missed.

To be honest it’s a minefield I’m trying to sensitively navigate flowers

When it comes to your friends, I assume they know about your ASD so just stop overthinking and trying to "navigate sensitively". They would surely let you know, as friends, if something you say is not on. Like this you will just twist yourself in a knot and actually fuck up.

Chill.

This will date me terribly, it was a bit dated when I first learned it, but if joking among friends, "What did Horace say, Winnie?" was apparently a catchphrase in a radio show, where a slightly older sibling was asked to translate the burblings of a toddler.
In a less informal situation, I'd probably say something like, "Sorry, didn't get that, can you repeat it please?"

I live in a country where I don't speak the language fluently. It wouldn't bother me if you used it in the context you explained. I'd probably have a chuckle :)

Imagine being so wound up about appearing 'correct' on a forum that has years of threads of how language and pronunciation is a class marker.

|f it is considered xenophobic then the purity spiral is going to ruin a lot of the travel industry in the near distant future.

OP I think you’re saying you say it in a lighthearted and jokey way to someone saying something that’s going over your head or maybe local slang you don’t understand? In that case it’s perfectly fine. It isn’t condescending or patronising or rude. It’s bants innit?

Imagine being so wound up about appearing 'correct' on a forum that has years of threads of how language and pronunciation is a class marker

Yes, imagine having ASD and so desperately wanting to make and keep friends that you have to ask strangers on the internet to check that whilst trying to “banter” with people you’re friends with/trying to befriend. you have to ask strangers on the internet for their social guidance so you aren’t accidentally offending the people you care about.

Believe me I already envy your superior social skills so there’s no need to belittle me about it

There's a vast difference between teasingly saying: "speak English" to your native English-speaking spouse and saying: "speak English" to a non-native person during a business transaction or a casual meeting.

I would never use it with someone for whom English wasn't a first language and I'd think twice about using it with anyone I didn't know fairly well.

But I think its fine in reasonably intimate settings.

@BooFuckingHoo2 sorry someone js having a go, issues around race and what is and isn’t acceptable feels like a minefield at the moment even without ASD and I can’t imagine how much harder it is for you. As someone said try not to over think it, your friends know you and they aren’t going to think your racist if you say that.