Prisoner!

[crazybutkind]

So I had a baby on Tuesday evening and I am still currently in hospital. We are ok baby's temp is just a little low but they have ruled out anything serious.

As you can imagine nobody wants to be in hospital on their own with a newborn at the minute but I have been in the same room now since 7:30pm on Tuesday. I'm not allowed to open the window because they don't want baby getting cold, I'm not allowed the fan on because of the same reason and I'm not allowed to go to leave the ward for some fresh air because of covid.

It's absolutely roasting outside, i am just stewing in my own sweat at the minute. All I want is 5 minutes of fresh air.

It's been 36 hours now and I feel ill.

I just want to go and stand at the entrance for 5 mins AIBU?

Been there OP. Your partner just needs to come with food and drink. I had a week in when DD was born. Having subsequently had surgery 25 times and many in patient stays having own food and drink (and sometimes painkillers) makes all the difference. Can he bring you a thermometer. Open window. If they close it you can show room is too hot for a babys room. Good luck.

Did you ask the doctor about opening the window?

Rooms are always too hot for a baby's room on the postnatal ward...

I'm a smoker so they were used to me wandering off (not that they don't challenge me on it, but a woman and her nicotine are hard parted, especially when they don't as promised prescribe you patches for your stay). Just say you're going for a cigarette - if questioned tell them you've decided to take up smoking to get some fresh air before you go mad. They can't physically restrain you - so just say politely, Oh I do accept your concern, but my baby is safe and fed and in an incubator and I just need to feel a breeze. Thank you for being such a wonderful nurse - would you mind buzzing me back in in about 10 minutes? BIG SMILE.

Only you've obviously got a baby in an incubator, I'd be gone.
It must be so hard OP.

I also find that finding the slightly friendly one and repeatedly praising them means they're more likely to give you some leeway. I used to say things like 'Oh, thank God it's you, I really need to get some fresh air before I faint - do you think you could arrange for me to go out for 10 minutes?'. Often, they will actually do what you suggest - unless you've picked the mean nurse. Then you ain't going nowhere.

Bloody hell OP, I can understand the need to stay in hospital to make sure babies temp can regulate itself, but they can't keep you prisoner. I wouldn't be asking if I could go outside, I would be telling them I'm going outside for some air and tell your partner to meet you with snacks. Covid might still be around but people are allowed to go outside, and if they were going to stick you in a room with 9 other women, then you can go outside for 10 mins.

Are you on the ground floor? I’d be getting my partner to pass food through the window its completely out of order that they won’t let him
Drop off food? Just tell him to come and insist it gets to you

Omg OP I'm so sorry it sounds like they are treating you horrendously!! I honestly can't believe it. I spent 1 night on a ward and they wanted to keep me in longer to establish breastfeeding. I told them I'd bottle feed instead and demanded to go home (then sorted out breastfeeding by myself!)

So can't imagine how it is for you.

It's 30 f*cking degrees today, how will opening a window make the baby too cold?!!!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I guess because of heath reasons you have to just hang on in there and just know it shouldn't be for much longer. But when you get out id be writing a long letter of complaint to them!

Feeling so sorry for you. It must be bad enough without your DP but just try and take each hour at a time and count down til you can leave!! Sending love ❤️

I am going to ting pals for advice now

I'd be surprised if they call SS. I discharged myself and baby on Sunday and haven't heard anything. I would allow them the 24 hours and as long as your babies temperature is fine then leave.
Only the police can stop you and they need a court order. It's a bullying tactic to make you stay. They were pretty nasty to me when I insisted on leaving. They wanted me to wait for test results but it took so long I left and don't regret it.
Are there any n nice midwives or doctors you can talk to?

@crazybutkind

I am going to ting pals for advice now

Good on you @crazybutkind !

I hope you manage to sort it out, don't listen to those saying you should just "put up with it" because you shouldn't have to at all!
I still remember how fragile a time it was having given birth and all I wanted my husband and our own bed!

Keep us updated and try not to let it get to you, you won't be trapped there forever

I despair sometimes. The staff aren't bullying or violating human rights. I know it's hard, but it won't be forever.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

I think that not allowing you to go to the entrance of the hospital is perfectly reasonable given that asymptomatic patients/visitors/staff with Covid-19 may be walking in/out.

On the face of it, it seems unreasonable not to allow you to open the window but, as your child has a low temperature, and they have explained why, then you should think of your child's health and put up with it. It isn't nice for you but better that your child is safe and properly cared for.

They aren't doing it to torture you. They are doing it for the benefit of your child.

this

You will get through this.

Congratulations, by the way.

@Rosebel

I'd be surprised if they call SS. I discharged myself and baby on Sunday and haven't heard anything. I would allow them the 24 hours and as long as your babies temperature is fine then leave. Only the police can stop you and they need a court order. It's a bullying tactic to make you stay. They were pretty nasty to me when I insisted on leaving. They wanted me to wait for test results but it took so long I left and don't regret it. Are there any n nice midwives or doctors you can talk to?

But your baby wasn’t in an incubator though.

That sounds horrendous, I would walk out and let them phone SS to be honest. SS wont do anything if you mention how you were being staved and forced into a room with no fan and no open window with the heat pouring in on you and that you felt faint and dizzy and no one would let you leave the room.

at the end of the day .3 on a temp gauge is nothing ... and they shouldnt be forcing you to stay in at all.

To be honest i would phone SS myself and give them the heads up that they will be getting a call .... i understand they are trying to protect a baby but what about your protection? and as i said .3 isnt a cause for concern.

my baby was born with a higher temp of 1.2 but after 24 hours they said she is fine so can be discharged thankfully

No answer as they are away from their desks at the moment. I am more annoyed and upset now after reading all these comments I wish I was firmer when I said I will discharge myself. I just have images of all these nurses physically stopping me from leaving and security standing in front of the doors. I know how social services works so I didn't let that phase me when they mentioned it. I just sad "that's fine" then they threw the word safeguarding in which I responded "that's also fine"

This sounds awful, poor you. The postnatal ward was a horrific experience for me and that was without covid. It’s absolutely disgraceful how new mums get treated after birth and this is a new low. I don’t blame individual staff, they’re in a very hard job at the moment, but it seems like everyone is overlooking you and your health. You’re just as much a person as your new baby and you should be being cared for as well, not tortured with lack of air and food. That sounds extreme but I can only use that word to describe the experience I had. I’ve never been so happy to get out of a place in my life, and it wasn’t as bad as this. I hope PALS can help you and it gets your situation some attention on the ward.

And I agree with a PP that you should ask staff for social services contact details because you wish to speak to them yourself. They probably expect mention of S.S. to be enough to terrify a new mum into shutting up and not bothering them anymore, show them that’s not the case and that yours and baby’s welfare is your number one priority.

the baby is in an incubator which manages to maintain a stable temp when its -5 outside.

How will they cope tomorrow when there are clouds and rain and it's 10 degrees lower??? Surely the incubator won't be brought off to a fucking greenhouse??
They're being arses about not opening the windows.

How can a baby in a plastic box possibly get cold when it’s 26 degrees out there and the box has a lid etc to seal it off? Fair enough if in a cot under a draft north facing window.

Just open the window again. If they say it’s too cold ask for a thermometer and see. Just open it as soon as they shut it. They’ll soon get the message that either they need to let you out or let you stand at an open window as you feel trapped.

You are being treated terribly but it's no surprise. There are always terrible stories of treatment of women on post natal wards. No doubt the nurses will be enjoying random deliveries of food items for themselves whilst not allowing your H to drop anything for you.

I think there's something sadly wrong with healthcare training if this is how they're permitted to treat patients. Threatening a new mum with safeguarding and social services is a very nasty trick. This is why I object to the NHS hero worship. It sends out the wrong message to certain types of staff.

I know it’s probably the last thing on your mind but try and note down the names of staff, what they said to you (especially when SS) and when they said it.

Then put it all in a complaint to PALS and supervisor of midwives.

More women need to complain about post natal care.