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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guns, AIBU?

73 replies

ToffeePennie · 25/06/2020 01:19

My husband has now got a new obsession - guns. Small, ladies air rifles etc and he has applied for the correct licence for another type of gun.
I have always hated them. I grew up around them and really dislike them.
He seems to think it’s no big deal if he were to keep one in the attic. He claims not to know about my extreme revulsion of them.
We have had a row about them this evening and he has made it plain he plans to carry on and bring them into our home.
He even used our sons’ interest in the scouting movement to try and “win” the argument (which is ridiculous - the scouts do not routinely go shooting as far as I am aware, nor is that even a valid argument as I would want to keep my children away from guns).
I am going to speak to him again in the morning, but this really feels like a make or break issue for me!
So am I crazy? Are guns perfectly normal (for none farmers)?

OP posts:
Euclid · 25/06/2020 02:48

If you are in the UK he will need a licence and will need to keep his gun(s) in a locked cabinet, not the attic.

Miafey · 25/06/2020 04:04

LTB.

BritWifeinUSA · 25/06/2020 04:12

Well if he’s keeping it in the attic he obviously doesn’t plan to use it. In a armed home invasion situation by the time he’s climbed into the attack you’ll all be dead. So what’s his reason for having one? It’s a lot of money to spend on something you keep in the attic.

Elsewyre · 25/06/2020 04:18

@BritWifeinUSA

Well if he’s keeping it in the attic he obviously doesn’t plan to use it. In a armed home invasion situation by the time he’s climbed into the attack you’ll all be dead. So what’s his reason for having one? It’s a lot of money to spend on something you keep in the attic.
Home defence is not a legitimate reason to own a gun here.

The point is target shooting, sport etc.

And putting the safe in the attic is an excellent idea as it's out of the way and unlikely to be found in a burglary.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 25/06/2020 04:21

Can he join a gun club and keep the gun there?

malificent7 · 25/06/2020 04:54

I would refuse ....hate guns too. What has brought this on?

Redcrow · 25/06/2020 05:41

My farmer husband has guns for vermin but also for sport, hes gone shooting 2 days a week in the winter. Anyway some of his friends he shoot with arent farmers so you do get "normal" people with guns in their homes. Legally he will need a proper gun cabinet and the police will come and check it. Someone I know didnt do the best job fixing it up and the police officer pulled it off the wall. What does he want it for? You cant just have one, some guns you need to prove you are using it

maria1984m · 25/06/2020 06:03

If your in the UK the gun would have to Be stored in a locked police approved gun cabinet at all times with only your husband knowing where keys are. (Unless you also applied for a licence)

I own a gun myself (partner doesn't) which I use for clay shooting I understand some people aren't keen or have other options but I would say if he follows the correct channels that I have met some fantastic people over the last few years at clay sports grounds and shoots and seen full family involvement creating amazing family bonding children and all.

Obviously just my opinion but definitely worth having an open mind and seeing what it's all about x

Original poster
ToffeePennie · 25/06/2020 07:13

Supposedly he wouldn’t need a licence for The gun he already owns (as it’s an air rifle?).
I’m ignoring all the legalities of it currently because I feel sick.
He says he wants it for sport, but he knows my past, he knows what I have seen and how I feel about them.
I honestly think people who shoot for fun are mentally ill/disturbed in some way. Farmers and armed forces only, for me.
There is literally no point in him going and shooting at targets/clay pigeons etc. And I refuse to allow my children to grow up around them.
The whole thing has literally made me feel sick all night.

OP posts:
Dita73 · 25/06/2020 07:15

When I was first with my farmer husband he had guns. He would go pigeon shooting. As soon as we had a child he got rid of them. I felt uncomfortable with them just being in the house. This was 20 years ago and over the years guns have become more unacceptable to own. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of having one now. Not just because of how dangerous they are but also because attitudes have changed towards killing animals and birds. When he looks back on the time when he would hunt,he finds it hard to believe he could do it. He certainly couldn’t now. This isn’t my influence. Very much his own thoughts. Neither of us would have one in the house again

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 25/06/2020 07:17

@toffepennie

i honestly think people who shoot for fun are mentally ill/disturbed in some way. Farmers and armed forces only, for me.

That’s a very strong statement. It’s a winter and summer olympic sport!
And some people find it a great hobby, without being mentally challenged.
Maybe you could ask him to store it outside of your marital home, in a target shooting club...etc

Original poster
ToffeePennie · 25/06/2020 07:21

I don’t care if it’s some sort of sport - it’s wrong to want to own and use something that was created with the purpose of ending life.
Like I said there’s a lot of history, my husband knows all of it, I don’t want to discuss it here, but the thought of him having a gun in our home makes my stomach turn.

OP posts:
letmethinkaboutitfornow · 25/06/2020 07:32

Ok, so what are you going to do about it? 😳
Huffing and puffing and moaning will not get you too far regardless of him ‘knowing about your history’

Wolfiefan · 25/06/2020 07:42

I grew up target pistol shooting and loved it. Still miss it. A great crowd of people. All very safe and regulated.
But you don’t want guns in the house.
I don’t understand your revulsion and you’re not explaining why you feel that way. But your reasons don’t matter. You wouldn’t rest easy if they were in the house. So he doesn’t get to keep guns in the house.
If he’s determined is there a club he could join? Keep the guns there. Out of the home and away from the kids?

ohoneohtwo · 25/06/2020 07:51

YANBU and your feelings are valid. However, he is NBU either. It's some of those situations I think.

I'm anti gun 100% and wouldn't be able to live with a gun in my house due to past trauma:

Brefugee · 25/06/2020 07:52

I honestly think people who shoot for fun are mentally ill/disturbed in some way. Farmers and armed forces only, for me.

YABVU there.

You're not being unreasonable to want to discuss this with your DH but your assumption is that you must get your way and there is no other way. That's not a discussion. Keeping the safe in the attic is an excellent compromise, IMO.

I grew up around weapons and have seen 2 extremly grizly GSW scenarios (one of which made me throw up, and i have a cast iron stomach)

Alexandernevermind · 25/06/2020 07:57

You are being ridiculous op. My husband and children all have their own air rifles or shot guns, fully licensed and kept in a locked gun safe. It's a sport, it doesn't mean they are psychopaths. My son competes and is coached with his Scout group and my daughter attending shooting sessions with her Guides group. Don't make others be governed by your own anxiety.

Angelonia · 25/06/2020 08:03

You obviously have very strong feelings about guns. We can't comment on the reasonableness if your feelings as we don't know the details of your past trauma, but assuming that you have a good reason for feeling so strongly I think your DH is unreasonable not to respect your wishes.

Heko · 25/06/2020 08:09

@ToffeePennie

I don’t care if it’s some sort of sport - it’s wrong to want to own and use something that was created with the purpose of ending life. Like I said there’s a lot of history, my husband knows all of it, I don’t want to discuss it here, but the thought of him having a gun in our home makes my stomach turn.
You really sound like the one that's mentally disturbed tbh.
userabcname · 25/06/2020 08:10

Why the sudden new obsession? "He claims not to know" - so have you discussed it previously? My issue would be whether he has deliberately latched onto a hobby because he knows it makes you uncomfortable vs he has discovered an interest for something by chance and you've announced you have an issue with it. If the former, he is obviously BU. If the latter, perhaps there could be some sort of compromise.

snitzelvoncrumb · 25/06/2020 08:10

If its a deal breaker then I guess you just need to talk to him about how you feel. Perhaps look at gun storage at a gun club?. I assume you mean he will keep the guns in a gun safe in the attic? I too have had a traumatic experience with a gun, so I can understand how terrified you must feel.

maria1984m · 25/06/2020 08:52

@ToffeePennie

Supposedly he wouldn’t need a licence for The gun he already owns (as it’s an air rifle?). I’m ignoring all the legalities of it currently because I feel sick. He says he wants it for sport, but he knows my past, he knows what I have seen and how I feel about them. I honestly think people who shoot for fun are mentally ill/disturbed in some way. Farmers and armed forces only, for me. There is literally no point in him going and shooting at targets/clay pigeons etc. And I refuse to allow my children to grow up around them. The whole thing has literally made me feel sick all night.
Well with this comment I think you we being totally unreasonable

To call some mentally disturbed for wanting to enjoy a hobby of clay shooting Is ridiculous

Your mind is obviously made up so I'll keep my "mentally disturbed options too myself"

Iwalkinmyclothing · 25/06/2020 08:59

I would be so upset if DH wanted to keep a gun in our house. Any kind of gun. We have no reason whatsoever to have one, although I don't think having one makes you a psychopath! What would bother me here is not so much the gun itself as the insistence on doing something that you really dislike and are so upset by, though.

eurochick · 25/06/2020 09:10

You don't want to share your reasons and that's fine but your reaction is unusually strong.

Gun ownership is highly regulated in this country, and rightly so. I target shoot and hold a firearms licence. The police have the right to come and inspect my home and how the guns are stored as a condition of that licence. The guns have to be kept in a safe (which as a previous poster has indicated, the police will check cannot be removed- by hanging off it or similar). Ammunition has to be stored in a separate locked safe.

I find it a great sport - outdoors, requires a lot of discipline and concentration. There are always school groups competing and training at Bisley (the National Shooting Centre), where I shoot.

eurochick · 25/06/2020 09:12

One final comment on your "mentally ill/disturbed" point - you have to make declarations as to your mental health and give the police permission to access medical records, so those with a firearms licence should be among the more mentally stable part of the population.