To think that what SIL said to DN is awful!

[Lahmacun]

We were having a (socially distanced) family gathering yesterday for the first time since the lockdown started. Everyone was cheerful and things were going well until DN 8 said that he wants to go on holiday in first class on an expensive airline. SIL replied to him that she would love it too but they can’t afford it as it’s too pricey. A bit of background here: my brother is the one working full time and SIL is currently SAHM following maternity break of their second daughter soon to be 2. She’s a great caring mother and always doing her best with the kids. She’s managing all the house responsibilities on her own as my DB works very long shifts.
Anyways my nephew decided to pull a grumpy face and said to his mum that she needs to get a job so they can afford paying for his dream holiday because using his words (You’re not doing any real work!).
My mum quickly jumped in and explained to him that he should be very grateful as he gets to see his mum whenever he wants ... etc SIL looked understandably quite disappointed especially as she wanted to get back to work in September but after doing the maths, they thought they’ll wait until their DD turns 3 so they can be eligible for the 15 hours of childcare. DN didn’t look convinced and said that he wants his mum to get back to work as he’s “fed up” of hearing the word “can’t afford” (his words)! At this point SIL exploded and told him that she’s fed up of his constant lack of gratitude and appreciation and that if he’s fed up and unhappy with his family why don’t he go and look for another richer mum and dad who can pay for all the endless list of things that he wants.
I was shocked to hear that but I couldn’t say anything as she was just telling me tired she’s feeling an hour before that.
DM thought that it’s fine and kids need some harsh words every now and then to respect boundaries.
AIBU to think that you should never say this to a child as it makes them feel unloved and not important?

[Natsel84]

Another vote for your sil, sorry op . I think your nephew was very rude to speak to his mother like this . Hopefully your brother gave him the telling off he deserved

[PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock]

I just thought that it’s cruel to tell your children to look for another family if they’re unhappy.

He's not unhappy, he's spoiled and ungrateful.

[MiniCooperLover]

She's been looking after him for 12/14 weeks now while your brother works and I assume she's trying to do homeschooling too. I don't blame her for blowing up at the ungrateful little bugger !!! My DS once talked about me not having a job (he was 7 at the time) and I pointed out that I did and I had two (working from home as an Executive Assistant to two Law Firms) and if I didn't he'd never get any of his clubs or extra curricular things and he soon went quiet !!! I intend to spend at least 4 days away from my family when this is over and I like my DH and DS a lot 😂

[backseatcookers]

I don't have kids yet, but I totally agree with your SIL.

We would have been sent to bed with no tea to think about how rude we had been if we said what DN said.

It sounds like she challenged him gently a couple of times and he continued to be a brat so she was firmer.

To be honest it's doing him a favour to keep that kind of horribly ungrateful attitude in check.

Wouldn't be doing him any favours to let him go into his teen years saying stuff like that.

I would remind him he had better work bloody hard at school and get some great work experience when he's older if he wants to fly business class around the world.

The world doesn't owe you a living, he will realise that one day.

[Reluctantcavedweller]

What irritating behaviour from your DN... I'm not surprised your SIL snapped, she's only human. It won't have done him any lasting harm.

Even if he was genuinely interested in planes/enthusiastic about the experience rather than just bratty, children need to learn to be sensitive to others. Part of that is realising when it's best to let something go rather than keeping banging on about it!

[TheCanyon]

Finding new rich parents comments was harsh Might try it on mine but I don't think losing the plot once in a while and putting the kids right is wrong. I love my dc, all 4 of them occasionally want something that's totally ridiculously out of reach Dd12 wants a Japanese family holuday, but I am also a sahm, works not worth it atm, my kids know that.

[Justmuddlingalong]

Oh, the plans we had for the type of parent we were going to be and the parent we became is laughable really. Remember how we imagined it and how different the reality is?

[Aragog]

What 8 year old has even heard of first class to?

Almost any child who has flown long haul or are interested in planes I'd have thought. 8y isn't that young to be aware of things like this.



But yes, the child was wrong for going on about it and ride to be telling mum that she should be out at work. Sil probably shouldn't have shouted but she sounds stressed, tired and most likely embarrassed by the whole situation. It won't do nephew's any harm to hear home truths, even if shouted, especially if it's a one off. Not sure we can blame lockdown for his rude comments though!

[GoGold]

YABU give her a break.

[ConstanceSalinger]

I read the OP and thought, bet you've got no children!!

It's not to say you can't have an opinion, but you're miles off here. Just take it as a snap shot of her day and don't feel too sorry for DN. He'll likely turn out lovely as his parents are on the case with his attitude.

[spongedog]

So sorry OP - another one coming on to say well done SIL. Children do sometimes need to know reality.

Mine is a teenager - keeps talking to me about what a small house we have. We really dont - 4 beds for 2 of us. They really are not entitled or a brat, at all. They are a lovely teenager. Their dad lives in a mansion - that he moved to after our divorce. So that's the comparative. I've tried being jokey, I've tried the serious discussion, but next move is very likely to be channelling your SIL. Because I've had enough!

[Spied]

I've said similar to my spoilt 9+10yo DC.

[Mookie81]

I think he has got it from the dad, who puts on a show of defending his wife in front of others because he knows how bad his brat sounded, but behind closed doors he is voicing this for the brat to hear.
Idiot sister believes what her brother presents to her and clearly hates the SIL (probably doesn't like the fact she's been usurped in the brother's life).
That last bit may be a stretch but that's my opinion!

[arethereanyleftatall]

I doubt this is true, but just in case.
An 8 year old should never speak to their mother like that, they shouldn't have ideas like that in their head either. If my children ever ever said anything like that (they wouldn't) I would think something had gone very wrong with my parenting. Every single adult there should have been utterly horrified at what he said; and supported your sil wholeheartedly. How dare he? And where did he get that from? The consequences should have been very severe. And it was his father who should have gone apoplectic at him.

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

If your SIL had said I'm going to give you away to somebody else then that would be hurtful, but saying what she did is fine and a neuro-typical 8 year old would understand that his mother did not actually think he should find different parents or think she didn't love him.

[Viragoesque]

This is really not controversial, OP. I’ve certainly said similar to my 8 year old when he’s been contrarily whining about having to go to breakfast club when some of his friends have a SAHP and don’t need to, and I’ve pointed out very succinctly that if he likes food, clothes and shelter, we’ll be continuing to do it my way.

[morethanafortnight]

For all you know, she might have been having to put up with brattish whingeing ten times a day for weeks, and she'd got to the absolute end of her tether.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

At this point SIL exploded and told him that she’s fed up of his constant lack of gratitude and appreciation and that if he’s fed up and unhappy with his family why don’t he go and look for another richer mum and dad who can pay for all the endless list of things that he wants.

Totally on her side with this.

Ungrateful little shit.

[MintyMabel]

I’d have responded in the same way.

[brakethree]

And during this conversation I assume your brother didn't jump in to say to his son 'your mum works full time in the home so I can go to work, we made this decision so one of us is at home for you/takes you to activiities etc'. Although I suspect this didn't happen somehow.

Your SIL was not out of order. She needs to sit down and tell the family she is going to work full time and what it will mean. It's no wonder that there are so many posts about women have to do everything when in 2020, these attitudes in young people are still there and they are not set straight.

[Sarahandco]

Yes don't worry - she was very measured.

[ballsdeep]

He's sounds spoiled to be honest. He needed to have a reality check. Do you have children op?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I would be wondering if "Well when mummy (finally) goes back to work then we can get you what you want" has been said by Daddy......

[Billben]

Your SIL went easy on your DN in my opinion. If my DC came out with a comment like that, all hell would have been let lose.

[AnnaBanana333]

Good for her.

Think it's quite nasty of you to have started this thread, inviting people to slag off your sister-in-law and her parenting.