To think that what SIL said to DN is awful!

[Lahmacun]

We were having a (socially distanced) family gathering yesterday for the first time since the lockdown started. Everyone was cheerful and things were going well until DN 8 said that he wants to go on holiday in first class on an expensive airline. SIL replied to him that she would love it too but they can’t afford it as it’s too pricey. A bit of background here: my brother is the one working full time and SIL is currently SAHM following maternity break of their second daughter soon to be 2. She’s a great caring mother and always doing her best with the kids. She’s managing all the house responsibilities on her own as my DB works very long shifts.
Anyways my nephew decided to pull a grumpy face and said to his mum that she needs to get a job so they can afford paying for his dream holiday because using his words (You’re not doing any real work!).
My mum quickly jumped in and explained to him that he should be very grateful as he gets to see his mum whenever he wants ... etc SIL looked understandably quite disappointed especially as she wanted to get back to work in September but after doing the maths, they thought they’ll wait until their DD turns 3 so they can be eligible for the 15 hours of childcare. DN didn’t look convinced and said that he wants his mum to get back to work as he’s “fed up” of hearing the word “can’t afford” (his words)! At this point SIL exploded and told him that she’s fed up of his constant lack of gratitude and appreciation and that if he’s fed up and unhappy with his family why don’t he go and look for another richer mum and dad who can pay for all the endless list of things that he wants.
I was shocked to hear that but I couldn’t say anything as she was just telling me tired she’s feeling an hour before that.
DM thought that it’s fine and kids need some harsh words every now and then to respect boundaries.
AIBU to think that you should never say this to a child as it makes them feel unloved and not important?

[Suzie6789]

I’m with SIL on this, the DN needed to be told.

[Lahmacun]

Thank you for all your votes and replies. I agree that his attitude was so out of order and really not like him. I haven’t seen him since February so I understand that the whole experience of being isolated from friends and school can have a negative impact on children. As to why he got the idea of a first class holiday, it’s all on YouTube and that’s what he’s obsessed with since an early age. Planes and planes and planes! He knows everything about them and it’s fascinating!

[ohfourfoxache]

I thought she sounded quite restrained.....

[Perro]

I would have applauded your SIL if I had witnessed this whole conversation. Your nephew sounds like a brat.
My ds has an over inflated sense of entitlement sometimes and I tell him straight how real life works.

[stickygotstuck]

SIL's response sounds perfectly apt to me.
Your DN's attitude sounds spoiled, certainly ungrateful. He's 8, time to start thinking about others and how his words can hurt people. How do you think he'll learn this id his parents don't tell him?

Out of interest OP, have you any children?

[LagunaBubbles]

I'm with your SIL. What 8 year old has even heard of first class to?

[mouse70]

How on earth does an 8 year old know about 1st class flights? I would have given the same answer as SIL but would question where he got his ideas and attitiude from.

[TitianaTitsling]

Where on earth is DN getting that attitude from?! How rude and obnoxious- if that's how she is spoken to and thought of at by people poor bloody woman!!

[Longdistance]

Your dn sounds like a spoilt mouthy brat. Your sil was very strained. He deserved a good dressing down.

[CalmdownJanet]

Ya I agree, your nephew sounds like a brat, she must have been mortified

[Lahmacun]

I know that some of you are implying that it’s my brother who modelled the “get a real job” for DN, but I can confirm that it’s not him. If anything he supports the idea of SIL being a SAHM as he knows that if she’s to go back to work, he will have to reduce his shift hours which will highly impact his income. I forgot to mention that he stood up to his wife and gave DN a mouthful about being respectful and well mannered with his mum.

[Apple1029]

I think he well deserved it. he behaved like a brat and needed to be brought down to earth.

[CeibaTree]

So your brother agreed with his wife so why are you querying if? I don't think your nephew will be traumatised for
life by his mother's outburst and it sounds like he needed snapping out of his obnoxious behaviour 🤷🏻‍♀️

[riotlady]

YABU, I’m not surprised she snapped and I don’t think what she said was all that terrible.

[FudgeBrownie2019]

By 8 years old they're mature enough to know when they're being rude.

SIL exploding isn't ideal but the odd bollocking every so often doesn't hurt. I've held out my phone and offered it to the DC on the odd occasion they've yelled "I'm phoning Childline" at me. Esther Rantzen would laugh like a drain at their lovely lives and ingratitude. Children don't feel unloved because they're given boundaries and told when they're being rude. It's your SIL's job to keep his cheekiness in check - you said in your OP what a great Mum she is - leave her to keep being a great Mother.

[Orchidflower1]

@Lahmacun if your DBro agreed, why not add that vital bit of info in the op.

Sorry but you sound like you’re being very judgmental. You appear to dislike your SIL.

How do you parent?

[Toilenstripes]

He was being a brat and got a good telling off.

[Quartz2208]

actually I think your brother needs to face up to the fact that he is showing this - the fact it is suits him for his wife not to work and he doesnt do anything else

Your SIL sounds miserable with a husband who doesnt want his life to change (and affect HIS income surely it is their income and her working would also impact that). And that some of that is rubbing off on her son who undermines what she does as not being a real job and expects her to do that and earn more money so he can go on an expensive holiday. That attitude comes from somewhere.

She is tired and unhappy - if you have the kind of relationship with your brother where you can raise how unhappy his unwillingness to do anything but his shifts is effecting her and his son then I would go ahead

[ManCubsMama]

Get a grip, OP

[ktp100]

Kids can be really insensitive and no, it's not great to flare up at them BUT it does sound like he's being a bit of an ungrateful little monkey, here! Telling his Mum to get back to work because he's sick of being told he can't have what he wants is pretty outrageous!

It may have been the first time you've heard him say things like that but it could be the thousandth time for her.

[PurpleDaisies]

So this isn’t a reverse?!

[Witchend]

I'm not sure if this is a reverse, someone who hoped this would cause a bun fight, or someone who hasn't got a clue about children.

[Aquamarine1029]

Your brother agreed with his wife and backed her up, and what they said to your nephew was completely justified, so I fail to see what your issue is. You're being a judgemental meddler.

[OnceUponAMidnightBeery]

Hopefully your SIL will continue to pull her son up when he’s acting like a spoiled entitled brat. She may actually succeed in teaching him to be a decent human being rather than the centre of the universe.

Don’t know where he gets his attitude from, but it sounds like someone needs to show him reality sharpish.

[Lahmacun]

No I don’t have any children. I just thought that it’s cruel to tell your children to look for another family if they’re unhappy. I mean I understand that he was rude and should have been told so, but probably by making him apologise that his words were hurtful and by explaining that being a SAHM is indeed a very tiring real job! I’m not judging my SIL as I mentioned before that she’s a great mum and I’m sure she had the best intentions but I disagree with the wording that’s all.

But again I don’t live with a whiney 8 years old 24/7 so who knows what I would’ve said if I were in her place ..!