AIBU to think how men have got away with this for far to long

[Alex50]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-53064741

Why don’t they pay for their children and think it’s ok?

But has that not already been done by the CMS but people complain it is not enough.

I think I worked it out on average it would cost 90000 that works out to be 416 quid month for 1 child on average. That is half the average cost.

How is anybody epected to pay that amount in the real world?

Wow. Misogyny well and truly lives

There are women actually arguing that men shouldn’t have to face the consequences of having sex. Arguing that abortion is some kind of simple procedure without any long lasting consequences. Arguing that women who receive no maintenance deserve that because their crystal ball was faulty and they didn’t realise they would be left holding the baby with a father who has disappeared. Arguing women should take responsibility for men’s actions - or inactions and not complain

Meanwhile, thousands of children living in poverty and going without anything over and above the basics. Thousands of mothers trying to fit in full time work around school and childcare to keep a roof over their children’s heads with those same children in childcare up to 11 hours a day. Thousands of children who live the stigma of coming from a single mum household with the added stigma of the non-exsitent single mum benefits

Absolutely. The statistics are absolutely stark on how relationship breakups are far more likely to throw women, and children, into poverty than men.

@dontdisturbmenow

Let him focus on the decision he has full choice over - having sex As does she. It doesn't put women in a more vulnerable position but one of control.

Should people who are not wanting a child at a particular time accept to never sex? Because condoms fail too. Should we go back to marriage before sex?

A woman should take responsibility too and maybe accept that if she falls pregnant by accident or purposely when her sex partner doesn't want a child, she might need to resort to an abortion even if it's not what she fully wants or to take full financial responsibity.

Agree with this 100%.

How is anybody expected to pay that amount in the real world?

Well the fault in your argument is that single parents, who are overwhelmingly likely to be women, are expected to find twice this money by themselves.

I looked into child maintenance payments and it is a pittance what women and children get from the fathers.

There are some posters here who really don't give a shit about children living in poverty. Just their misplaced notions of 'fairness' to the men, which effectively means sex without consequences FOR THEM. Just for the women. And children.

You've got to be some real kind of first class shit to not care about a child you conceived, and to think you are standing on principle in not supporting them financially.

But has that not already been done by the CMS but people complain it is not enough.

Not necessarily.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/working-out-the-cost-of-raising-your-children

You can make child maintenance arrangements for your children if both parents agree. This might cover their living costs and care.

• I think I worked it out on average it would cost 90000 that works out to be 416 quid month for 1 child on average. That is half the average cost.

How is anybody epected to pay that amount in the real world?*

Single mothers are expected to pay that and more so..

Yet, single mothers are the ones paying the bulk of it.

(Hit post instead of preview 🙄

I'm not sure why kids aren't just part of divorce settlements (I know this won't work if the parents weren't married but a similar legal framework could be set up). If the settlement is breached then the court can seize assets and attach a paye order. But the starting point of all child arrangements should be each parent pays 50% of the costs and has 50% custody so child maintenance orders should actually be rare. Communication is key in relationship breakdowns. My exh and I have a private financial settlement that worked for our specific circumstances, laws cannot fit everyone's needs. My exh is generous to be completely honest but 27 years is a long relationship!

I should have made it clear I get spousal maintenance, he pays 50% of kids and dogs expenses

Why is it women go on to get pregnant with men when they know they already have children that they dont pay for. Did they think they would be different with them?

There's a list of debt priority that the DWP hold, so if someone is on benefits their benefits can have these debts deducted from them or if they are employed then they get an attachment of earnings via HMRC.
The list is so terribly unfair as I think council tax, gas and electric are pretty much the top three, parking fines are a higher position than paying child support, which if I recall correctly is about 16 or 17th on the list, when you add in that a maximum of three deductions can ever be made at one time and it cannot total more than 30% (I think) of the total amount paid in benefits or earned it's no wonder the payments are barely paid.
The CSA is not fit for purpose and it's a disgrace that fathers mostly (i know no women personally who pay CSA let alone are behind on it) are not held to account.
There's a huge issue with self employed non resident parents dodging payments, I really wonder about their families. Can you imagine that it's acceptable to know your child / brother / friend / etc is not paying for their child.

@TheBusDriver

But has that not already been done by the CMS but people complain it is not enough.

I think I worked it out on average it would cost 90000 that works out to be 416 quid month for 1 child on average. That is half the average cost.

How is anybody epected to pay that amount in the real world?

I agree realistically you would need to be a higher earner I don’t know anyone who receives more than £300 a month in CMS.

The chances of men being ‘tricked’ if they take responsibility for their own contraception is absolutely minimal
What about the woman's responsibity for her selfish actions?

No, children shouldn’t suffer because men won’t wear condoms. What an utterly selfish POV
Children shouldn't suffer because if their mother's selfish and entitled choices.

Why should these women be seen as victims when they are, at least, as responsible if not more, for the subsequent child suffering because of lack of funds?

@Kitcat47 very true. My daughter has a friend who goes from house to house, both houses are very chaotic, both parents have a new family with half siblings, she doesn’t feel she belongs in either home.

As soon as you put your sperm in someone else's body, you lose the right to tell them what becomes of any resulting pregnancy
What an utterly sexist view of the world.

What about the woman's responsibility for their selfish actions
Which selfish actions?

The chances of men being ‘tricked’ if they take responsibility for their own contraception is absolutely minimal
What about the woman's responsibity for her selfish actions?

What about men who intentionally sabotage women’s contraceptives, pierce holes in condoms, or practice “stealthing”?

www.refinery29.com/en-gb/coercive-contraception-uk

What an utterly sexist view of the world
the view expressed was that men should take an equal share of responsibility for the consequences of having sex, can you explain why that view is sexist please?

@dontdisturbmenow
Children shouldn't suffer because if their mother's selfish and entitled choices

Ah, so you agree then that fathers should pay at least 50% of the cost of raising children they have conceived.

Children shouldn't suffer because if their mother's selfish and entitled choices

So my husband left, doesn’t pay maintenance, I work 3 jobs to keep us going, but my choices are selfish and entitled?

What do you suggest we do with our children, shove them back up? Put them up for adoption? What?

@dontdisturbmenow
Women having bodily autonomy is sexist? Psh. Okay. That shows me how much your opinion is worth.
Not your uterus, not your decision!

@dontdisturbmenow

As soon as you put your sperm in someone else's body, you lose the right to tell them what becomes of any resulting pregnancy What an utterly sexist view of the world.

Not as sexist as saying that if the individual with somebody else's sex cells inside them is female, they should cede their right to make medical decisions over their own body to the originator of the sex cells.

Women are not flowerbeds to be tilled and planted by a male gardener. They decide what they do with their lives.

@Kitcat47

Why is it women go on to get pregnant with men when they know they already have children that they dont pay for. Did they think they would be different with them?

TL;DR: Yes.

Surely we have all heard "I can change him ..." at some time ?

@Kitcat47

Why is it women go on to get pregnant with men when they know they already have children that they dont pay for. Did they think they would be different with them?

They believe the men's sob stories about "mad" exes who deny them access and neglect the children to get their nails done.

I think dontdisturb is just being goady. She's already claimed that she never claimed child maintenance from her partner because she was worried that her partner would take it out on the kids and now she's advocating for men being able to abdicate their resonsibilities to their children. She doesn't sound like any single parent I've ever met...