Omg my child’s class WhatsApp group is so annoying. Would I be unreasonable to leave it?

[Waterwaterwater1]

There is major fury on it absolutely all the time about anything.

If anyone says anything against the fury, they get shouted down.

It’s a really annoying group and is making me like the parents less.

If I left, people would notice. Politically, that feels a bit bold.

Would you leave?

(Silencing WhatsApp doesn’t work out for me. I’m someone who has to tidy away unread notifications or unread emails etc. It would drive me mad to see loads of messages unread there.)

I'd mute it if leaving was going to cause more hassle than it was worth, but then I'd also feel fine leaving it and if asked why be honest about it.

I have recently joined three facebook groups just to observe a huge local drama so I would want to stay in the chat simply for that!

I am so grateful mine are just old enough that these groups only came in at their primary school as my youngest was leaving. As for secondary school, there was (and is) a fantastic school-run FB page, so I can get all the information I need that way. Youngest is year 11, so I am sorting all the stuff for transfer up to college.

I agree FB is probably the best way to go.

WhatsApp that ultimate mind field or treasure trove. The playground for mums and quasi analytical psychology tool!

My child’s school class WhatsApp is relatively bearable and possibly actually useful for ten percent of the time.

Not always complete tosh with select mums/mates having public but private conversations (you know what I mean), talking nonsense sometimes and sense on other rarer occasions.

Been on radio silence off grid in past months then a bit of sound as now a very small number have opted to return for temporary Covid childcare.

Overall it is consensual as mums relatively polite. Everyone is included and some both mum and dad too. Many keep silent with a few seemingly there but never read nor post anything. The usual small group of power users dominant and always super keen to dictate and steer the conversation and initiate topics. They are the ones who are always on and instantly read anything posted. Luckily much aired actually school related!

Bit like Mumsnet but obviously we know who’s who and can get an online profile impression given that we rarely do the school gate gossip routine anyway.

Overall for our group - if you leave you will miss out when it matters so I am assuming none have the courage to slope off as yet for that particular reason! Only gripe is at times there is an artificially non voluntary compulsion urge to jump on bandwagons eg happy birthday wishes even if some annoying respond a week after a date sensitive event with fake excuses.

Interestingly anyone here actually have an active and useful school Classlist? Or is that just crap nonsense and another elevated judgemental gossip column too?

I left a year 7 one before Christmas because of all the moaning about school and talk of complaining to them. I felt sorry for the teachers having to deal with them! The last straw was them.moaning the parents evening slots weren't as long as the primary school ones. Well yes because you get 9 of them and only one primary school one. I find parents evening fine and enough time to each teacher but one parent said she had complained and was boycotting it before even going and seeing what it was like. If you can't be arsed to go to parents evening once a year just admit it. I've never regretted leaving all the whingeing

@MashedSpud

I’m so glad mine went through school before all this group chat bollocks.

What a nightmare.

Ok relieved that I left teaching before this class group chat bollocks. I can't imagine what it must be like for class teachers to know that half their parents are online bitching and raging about them every evening.

Just leave or silence it. If anyone asks just say you're not allowed to have your phone pinging whilst you're at work.

I silenced mine due to the volume of shite and drivel some parents with WAY too much time on their hands were writing.

Ah I feel your pain! I had to silence our group for similar reasons. Also I'm a teacher and one of my friends from training works at the school...I felt awful when they were all teacher bashing not about anyone in particular but just because I knew how hard we had all been working!

Change your profile name before you do it to something generic and non-identifying – if anyone does notice it'll just be a number they see leaving, and it won't be clear who it is. Especially if you're mostly silent in there. It'd take someone extremely nosy indeed to research who the number belongs to!

Could you archive and mute the conversation so you dont see the notifications unless you click onto your archived chats?

@notalwaysalondoner

I've actually observed the best time to leave a WhatsApp group is in the middle of a rapid fire chat - that way chances are most people in the group won't even notice you've left, whereas in the middle of the night everyone will look at the chat in the morning and see 'xyz has left the chat'. Maybe wait until there is a heated discussion then leave right in the middle of it - it will subtly make your point that you don't feel comfortable with the nature of the discussion too. Or you could make an excuse but that will make it more obvious - I'd probably just chance it, then have an excuse ready if anyone asks you in real life e.g. 'I'm trying to limit my phone usage to one hour a day so am cutting anything that I find eats up my time' or something (most people use their phones for 3 hours a day I think so they'll be very impressed!)

I think that this is probably the best suggestion. If anyone does ask why you left, you could say that you just couldn't keep up with all the chat.

I am going to say, though, that this does mean that you need to be on top of all the stuff that is going on. I've been the person who has to send messages using various media (because a few people don't like WhatsApp) and it gets annoying.

A friend had someone leave the class WhatsApp (think she fell out with someone on it) who now keeps kicking off that she is left out the loop.

I had this with my NCT group. I agonised over leaving as it would be really obvious but then I just did it and forgot all about it. Just leave!

Just leave it. Its not essential is it? Seriously, I have come to realise people are either radiators (give you something, warmth friendship etc) or drains (take take take, stress you out, waste your time etc). Sack it off. Save your energy.

Bit like Brexshit (excuse use of this analogy) but if you drop off the WhatsApp class radar can you then request re-entry if you then consequentially find it otherwise impracticable to keep up with school activity reminders etc. If there was a precedent set in this regard by others, then as others rightfully suggested - pull the ejector seat during heated rapid fire gossip with a view to possibly return as and when required.

I've muted our year 1 group cba

there's something freeing about leaving them altogether. Be like a dad - 85 percent of the dads in our class aren't on them and they survive!

They're like smart phones in general, a huge waste of time except for emergencies or information you've missed (like a school party day that was buried at the bottom of a long school email full of nonsense). The WhatsApp group replicates school playgrounds in virtual form - a good reminder of what your DC are experiencing!

I feel your exact pain.

You have a year on me though. DS is reception.

I can't leave atm, due to the situation, and the fact they will change who is in the classes in September.

But as soon as I think it viable to leave I will.

I've felt 'trapped' in the group especially due to lockdown. All its made me feel is that I do not wish to make any effort with them going forward. I don't fit in and I really won't ever fit in. It is like being back at high school.

Its really alienating.

I never forget the great homemade costume fight on ours a few years ago. Making anyone that had resorted to buying a supermarket costume like a villain when really we should all be fashioning a sword out of tinfoil...

I left the school WhatsApp I don't think anyone really cared! Just say the constant notifications are a bit much and you'll keep in touch on the Facebook page or text messaging instead.

if your school posts last minute reminders about costume days/special events on their twitter on the day/night before, that's a more time effective way of not missing much.

Sounds just like MN to me.

I'm in a group like this - I rarely have any input but I stay for the entertainment value.

Just leave. I seriously feel your pain. I have 4 children and am on multiple WhatsApp groups and often have to bite my tongue...

I’ve had to leave our community groups etc..as there is so much bitching and moaning. If anyone has asked then I just say that I’m sick of it..
It’s annoying though as you miss out some information but I think the positives outweigh the negatives..

Just a thought but would anyone comment if they actually have their own separate class mums chums separate WhatsApp group already? You know - just with fellow select class mums you actually like and communicate with and not just a causal observer on the official WhatsApp class group.

Is it an official school group including the teacher or an informal one just for parents?