To want to be prepared for the worst in pregnancy?

[carlablack]

We just got back from 17 week ultrasound. Everything was normal and my previously low lying placenta started to rise, which is good. At the end of the appointment, I asked the doc about what should we do in case of an emergency...

Because I know a lot can go wrong even during the healthiest pregnancies. Not that it happened to me but I read a lot of stories online and want to be prepared for it in case something similar happens.

He thinks I really should not be thinking (and reading) about these. He says he doesn't see any reason my pregnancy would cause an emergency situation, and that reading about all these horror stories would affect me in a negative way.

So am I in the wrong here?

Well there's not much you can do in a pregnancy emergency except call the maternity unit or 999.

Stop thinking about it. You've got months left!

You're not "wrong" but you certainly are wasting a lot of emotional energy. Why do you think it is that you're looking for problems? It appears your pregnancy is going well, so why do you only want to focus on negative things that most likely will never happen? You are robbing yourself of the opportunity to enjoy your pregnancy and to be excited about your new arrival. Of you are having this much anxiety you really need to speak to your midwife about it.

I think you are being reasonable. I had a HG pregnancy from Week 6 I was sick 50 times a day. I spent huge amounts of time in hospital.

I had sloppy mid wife care during my pregnancy and ended up being 40 weeks with a breech baby. Was told to keep my legs crossed for 5 days until they could fit me in for a section. I went into very quick labour at 40+ 3. Ended up with a hugely traumatic EMCS.

I got PND and PTSD. I haven't recovered. Not sure I will. My kid will have no siblings.

I suspect it will lead to divorce at some point.

I deeply regret getting pregnant.

@carlablack
Yanbu to worry, that's normal.
My pregnancy I think has seriously led to me having permanently high blood pressure, always being on high alert for the next pregnancy issue took its toll. But I DID have issues, placental, hyoeremesis, frequent bouts of bleeding, no heartbeats, high Downs results, too small and far behind (they thought 6 weeks behind size wise due to poor MW care).
So I did have cause to worry. But I tell you what, if I could have had a worry free without these I would have loved it. So my advice is yes you're aware that there are potential issues, you're sensible enough to know to seek professional help in those scenarios, so enjoy not having those rather than fretting.

Good luck.

Its normal to worry, but you will end up making yourself ill reading into things and worrying.

Try to enjoy it, read positive things, and call your midwife/seek medical attention/phone an ambulance of something is concerning you.

I think he's got a point. I had a consultant who finished each appointment by telling me what dreadful measures might be needed if the next scan went badly. So I spent every 2 weeks between scans worried sick about things which never actually happened. He made me cry at every single appointment. Towards the end he was off and I saw the other consultant, it was a total revelation and I kicked myself for not asking to switch months before.
They give you the general warning signs for when you need attention (reduced movements etc), but there is absolutely no need to worry about specific problems until they arise.

I had multiple birthing "plans" in case of different scenarios. I also thought about different outcomes of the pregnancies. I had HG and so I didn't know just how babies would turn out. All fine thankfully, but throwing up constantly does make you wonder if you're getting enough nutrients to feed them.

I know a lot can go wrong even during the healthiest pregnancies

Right, but an unhealthy pregnancy is going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy if you can't learn to relax, as a mother's stress during pregnancy can actually lead to all sorts of learning difficulties and emotional problems for the child.

My DC have SEN, and MH issues, and although this can be explained by genetic factors too, all of their doctors still ask about my pregnancies despite their being in their late teens. I do think some of their neurodevelopmental and emotional issues may well have been exacerbated by the stressful situation I was in at the time.

It really depends if the worry over something going wrong is taking over and becomeing more general anxiety, or if it was just a precautionary question.

I've had a pregnancy with two emergency trips to the hospital due to place to placenta previa, and it was extremely stressful BUT my OH got really frustrated with me googling and reading worst case scenarios online during that time as I gave myself insomnia, which helped no one. Everything turned out fine in the end despite an emergency early delivery, but I think I could've had a much better time with my DD had I not gone into it already exhausted with worry.

Remember that stories of everything going wrong tend to out number the 'everything was fine' stories due to people processing their experience and a human tendency to be more interested in the dramatic rather than the straight forward.

If you are worried now, I thinking taking a step back from Dr Google wouldn't be a bad idea and second speaking to a midwife if you are very anxious.

He sounds like a good doctor who’s just trying to put your mind at ease. Obviously things do happen in pregnancies but your baby & you appear healthy so telling you what to do in emergency might scare you or make you think it’s likely, when statistically After 16 weeks it’s not.

It’s hard not to worry, but try & enjoy your pregnancy. If you do have any concerns call your midwife

Obviously though, if you're going to be able to relax if you come up with some contingency plans, then do that.

Then let it go and concentrate on relaxation, diet, exercise, sleep, etc.

You're not in the wrong, but you asked him a very difficult question to usefully answer. What can he tell you to do in 'an emergency' other than ring for an ambulance if it is really life and death or to ring the maternity assessment unit if it's urgent but not an ambulance situation? If you want to know about a specific scenario then fair enough to ask - 'what should I do if I start bleeding/feel no movement/etc' - but it makes no more sense to ask a doctor what to do if any, unspecified emergency occurs when pregnant than it would if you're not pregnant.

Shit happens. Now you don't want to spend your time thinking about it. You want the best possible outcome, for YOU, to know what that is exactly you have to spend some time thinking about what it actually looks like. All the best.

In Scotland you're given a sheet of phone numbers to call for certain situations. You're given it at your 8 week appointment.