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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think people do not know what a healthy weight looks like.

346 replies

reducingfootprint · 22/06/2020 18:47

I am a healthy weight for my height and i constantly get comments on my weight like "gosh youre tiny" or "i could just pick you up" and "what do you eat to be small, just eat a burger" from people i work with etc. Do people really not know what a healthy weight is anymore? I just think "im not tiny i am a healthy weight and yes i do eat fucking burgers"
Im glad shops are more inclusive and plus size models are more common but i still think commenting on someones size is wrong no matter the size.

OP posts:
PhoneLock · 22/06/2020 20:02

A healthy BMI can range by 3 stone! My healthy BMI is 8 st 3 - 11 St 2, if i was 8 stone 3 I would look ill!

I must be so lucky. My healthy BMI range is also 8 St 3 - 11 St 2. I'm 8 St 3. I don't look ill and I don't get constant comments on how tiny I am.

Nartl0ngNow · 22/06/2020 20:03

I agree, I'm sick of it.
I also get "if you carry on eating all that, you won't stay slim!"
Or "yeah but you don't need to go to the gym/swimming/running"
The worst was "yes but there's something wrong with you, that's why you don't put weight on. Don't you take medication or something?" (Though she had recently been discharged from hospital following an eating disorder so I took it on the chin!)

MargotB7 · 22/06/2020 20:03

I'm desperate trying to lose a stone to get back to my perfect weight so no I'm not making myself feel better about being bigger than I want to be.

WindyTown · 22/06/2020 20:03

I agree with you OP. What grates on me is if I’m chatting to a larger person and they say they are watching what they’re eating, they need to join a gym etc. Then if I say something like I find it hard to make the time to go gym due to kids, work etc. They act all shocked and look at me like I’m crazy and ask why do I need to go gym? As I’m so tiny! (I’m a size 8, BM1 21 Hmm)
When I try and explain my aim is not to lose weight but to maintain a healthy weight and be fit (health wise) they can’t seem to get their head round it. As though the only people that should go gym are non slim people.

Same with talking about foods. If overweight people mention that they are trying to watch what they eat it’s ok. As soon as I mention you’re trying to cut down on junk food etc, they proceed to state emphatically that I have no reason to be watching what I eat and say I’m being silly.

It really is annoying.

SignOnTheWindow · 22/06/2020 20:06

I have a BMI of 22.9. Watching a documentary about the 70s, the other day, it struck me that almost all of the women shown were thinner than I am. Yet now, I'm considered perfectly average, even on the slender side!

DisobedientHamster · 22/06/2020 20:06

Ah, the 70s, when cigarettes were cheap and it wasn't very hard to get speed in the form of 'diet pills', but we were slim!

gypsywater · 22/06/2020 20:06

@MargotB7 but wouldnt this be really harsh to imply to someone? that they look gaunt? it would be pretty offensive surely

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 22/06/2020 20:06

I can’t stand the comments. I’ve been both ends of the scale. Both obese and at the lower range of my BMI.

When I was bigger no one said a thing about my body. As soon as I started losing the weight (healthily I might add) I was fair game for people. Everyone was allowed to tell me I’d ‘Gone too far’ and that I looked ‘gaunt’.

Even now I get told I need some meat on my bones when I say I’m cold. No one would dare tell me when I was bigger that if I was too hot I should shed some of the fat.

There are many many ways to pay someone a compliment if that’s what they’re trying to do without bringing weight or body shape into it.

SignOnTheWindow · 22/06/2020 20:07

By some anyway - I don't think I'm that slender.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 22/06/2020 20:07

Urgh YES! I get sick of this too.
I also get frequently told how "lucky" I am for being slim and toned.
No, its not luck, its hard bloody work and I'm sorry but I have the body I deserve because I work out a lot and I dont overeat- I eat moderately and hardly ever have dessert. Its nothing to do with "luck" FFS.

SignOnTheWindow · 22/06/2020 20:08

@DisobedientHamster you do have a point there...

Missillusioned · 22/06/2020 20:08

A size 16 is average in the UK, but its overweight for most people. You'd have to be well above average height and/or very broad-shouldered and muscular for it not to be. The exception might be if it's a high end brand as their sizing tends to be smaller.

Nellydean21 · 22/06/2020 20:09

I'm just shocked at the amount of people who consistently comment on others weight. Far, then, whatever. It's a constant chatter, completely normalised. If anyone comments on my weight I just go blank.

It's a lack of imagination more than anything, surely there are more interesting topics. Part of it is the constant interior monologue women have in their heads over food and weight. It spills out as part of conversation.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 22/06/2020 20:09

I can’t imagine what it’s like to be the sort of person who considers it a ‘stealth boast’ when someone refers to themselves as a healthy weight.

OP I got all of those comments when I was on my early twenties - ‘you need to eat more’, ‘you’re skin and bone’, ‘you look anorexic’.

I was a perfectly healthy weight and within a normal BMI.

All of these comments were said by people who were clearly above a normal BMI.

Unfortunately when some people have their own insecurities about their weight they like to comment on the perfectly normal weight or others with comments such as these. It’s not uncommon.

heartsonacake · 22/06/2020 20:09

YANBU. The problem is that we’ve been normalising obesity and telling overweight people to “love their bodies” for fear of offending them for far too long.

Enough is enough. It’s mentally and physically unhealthy, and we need to start making sure people not only understand that but also do something about it.

DKanin · 22/06/2020 20:10

I feel uncomfortable when people do the "oh you're so tiny" thing (usually digging for a compliment so you say "oh, but you're far tinier than me") 🙄

I'm 5'8" I weigh around 65kg and my BMI is right in the middle of normal. I wear a 12, partly because I've got broad shoulders and hips, so a bigger frame. I would describe my build as completely normal, not big, not small.

thegreenlight · 22/06/2020 20:10

I think the reason people call ‘stealth boast’ is because it is - models are very thin, actresses are very thin, pop stars and slebs are very thin. It’s a converted thing to be tiny and thin. If it were the other way round you would have a million ‘bulk up’ programmes and products (a bit like the ones that existed in the 40s/50s to help women put on weight to obtain the socially accepted voluptuous shape of the period) as someone who has struggled to maintain a healthy weight all my life I can assure you it is annoying and will only antagonise the average woman who also struggles to maintain a healthy weight.

MargotB7 · 22/06/2020 20:10

@MargotB7 but wouldnt this be really harsh to imply to someone? that they look gaunt? it would be pretty offensive surely

Yes of course, I would never say that. Then again I don't tell people they are skinny or overweight.

If someone said they had lost weight I would compliment them but I would never bring a person's weight up.

formerbabe · 22/06/2020 20:11

I also think in the modern world it's much harder to be slim so it's seen as more exceptional because for most it takes a lot of work.

Food nowadays is varied, delicious, freely available and affordable.

Cars are the norm for most families as our many time saving and energy saving gadgets round the home.

Yes people decades ago were often slimmer but cars were a luxury, housework was harder, food was bland and many smoked cigarettes.

It is more effort nowadays to be slim.

NotAnotherUserNumber · 22/06/2020 20:12

I assume this must differ a lot depending on where you live. I have always been slimish but I have gained quite a lot while having covid during lockdown and feeling a bit paranoid about it at the moment (still a healthy weight but now 21 BMI rather than under 20). I just went for a walk and most women I saw out were slim, many significantly smaller than me (I noticed, because as I said I am a bit paranoid about how I look at the moment so more aware). I think it is just fairly normal to be quite small in central london.

mistermagpie · 22/06/2020 20:12

I'm quite slim (5'8 and 9 stone 5 just now for reference) and before I had my recent baby I was a good half a stone slimmer.

Nobody ever really commented on it. Not to me anyway. I did get a bit of 'oh how do you do it, you had two kids?!' (hard work, FYI), but that was complimentary. I never got negative comments at all.

Who are these people telling people to eat a burger?

Skyliner001 · 22/06/2020 20:12

Totally agree AP. I'm bang in the middle of the healthy BMI, 5'3" 8st13 and people always tell me I'm skinny. I'd say I'm normal.

TypingError · 22/06/2020 20:14

Most people do, it's just that we live in a society where telling a woman she's skinny is seen as a huge compliment. I doubt very much that most people think you're skinny

Agree

hopingtobedally · 22/06/2020 20:14

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gypsywater · 22/06/2020 20:15

@hopingtobedally issues much

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