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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can they actually stop me

307 replies

Rosebel · 21/06/2020 10:56

I've been in hospital with pregnancy problems since last Sunday. Had the baby on Wednesday and every day they say I can go home tomorrow but still can't.
They are waiting for a Covid result which might be tomorrow but probably not. This is for the baby not me.
The doctor said they can't let me go but I'm sick of being in hospital. Every day is a reason why I can't go home. Can they actually stop me leaving with my baby?

OP posts:
Longdistance · 21/06/2020 23:46

I find it a bit strange. As a newborn baby you wouldn’t be going out anywhere, so home, into the car, not seeing it speaking to anyone. They need to get a cop on with the test results, but hopefully you’ll get them soon. Unlike my df who is still waiting weeks later 🙄
You can’t be in there, waiting for the all clear. Bloody ridiculous!

Victoria6386 · 21/06/2020 23:53

Unless you've been sectioned, there is nothing they can do to stop you leaving.

Lynda07 · 22/06/2020 01:06

I'm so pleased you are home, Rosebel. Well done, it was totally unreasonable for you to kept in hospital.

PurpleMonkeyDishwasher86 · 22/06/2020 02:51

I totally get where you're coming from. I had exactly the same thing. On the fourth day I had a full blown panic attack over it and they agreed I could go home overnight and come collect my baby the next morning. (I live 5 mins from the hospital) I did that as I could not stay another night. All seemed fine when I left and the next day when I collected my baby. We got a phone call from SS a few days later because a midwife had rung saying I had abandoned my baby. We cleared it up over the phone, and it was fine, but just because they didn't seem like they wouldn't call them doesn't mean they won't.

I understand why you were so fed up, and how irritating it can be when they keep saying you can go home and then saying you can't when 8/9pm rolls round. You were right to leave, that level of stress is bad for Mum, and therefore bad for baby. Good luck and enjoy your little one.

Hiddenmnetter · 22/06/2020 10:15

All the people saying "they don't hold you there for no reason".

Yes, they do. Hospitals are run on beurocracy. If all their boxes aren't ticked and all the lines aren't signed they computer says no. My word, I can't believe how willing the English are to put up with this nonsense.

My sister was in a&e with her son after a seizure. He was fine, everyone who had seen him had said he's fine. They wanted us to wait 4 hours for a consultant to review. I said let's go, and they were all horrified we might discharge against medical advice. When I persisted, they found a Dr very quickly who said "yes, all fine, you can go, just inform your GP when you get back home."

You are responsible for the care of your child. The hospital is there to help, but it has systems in place that often make it unhelpful and obstreperous. In those circumstances trust your own judgement. Crack on OP and congrats.

Topseyt · 22/06/2020 11:47

Those saying that they don’t hold you there for no reason must have no experience of it ever happening.

It does happen. Quite a lot, and very often due to administrative or bureaucratic fuck ups which delay the discharge paperwork. That was what happened to me, and it seems also to others on here who have also shared their experiences. It seems a very common theme too that it was only us stating that we would be leaving at a certain time that finally broke the deadlock.

schafernaker · 22/06/2020 11:52

Glad you’re home! I had to self discharge after DD2 as they had promised discharge at 10am, we were still there at 7pm.
By that point I had developed a high temp (boiling hot postnatal ward) which had increased my heart rate, I was told if the ecg was ok I could go, it was fine, they still wouldn’t discharge me. I got that paper work and self discharged. Low and behold when the midwife came later in the week my heart rate was average and temperature all fine 🙄

Jeeperscreepers69 · 22/06/2020 17:35

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Monsterjam · 22/06/2020 17:39

@Jeeperscreepers69 there is no need to be so rude

CallmeBadJanet · 22/06/2020 17:40

I feel your pain. I did 10 days post natal in hospital. Give them a date by which you want to leave with your baby

tiameg · 22/06/2020 17:40

Many years ago now, I had a vile midwife who first said I wasn't in labour when I went in, then managed to cut the top of my daughters head etc during an examination, then I had a 10-minute birth (yes seriously) - anyhow, long story short: I ordered a cab, and just walked out with my baby an hr after she was born. No one said a damn word as I didn't give them the chance I guess. It's not prison, your not under arrest. Do what you think is best x

Localocal · 22/06/2020 17:41

I don't understand why the test is taking so long. I've just come out of hospital and had two tests while there. Both were back in 24 hours. If you and baby are healthy I would insist on speaking to the ward sister or registrar and calmly explain that every day you and your healthy baby spend in hospital increases your risk of going home with covid. Say that you will happily self isolate at home with baby pending results (or for as long as they recommend) and come back immediately if the result is positive or either of you develops any symptoms. And tell them their reluctance to discharge you makes you worried that there is something they are not telling you.

Celestine70 · 22/06/2020 17:43

Yes they can stop you.

yogi1 · 22/06/2020 17:51

I discharged myself when the Hospital wanted to keep me in for a week, you just have to sign some paperwork. But my stitches opened at home in the night and then had to wait hours to see an out of hours Dr. With a new born in tow. BUT YABU if they think there could be a problem with the baby and they could possibly stop you if you’re failing to safeguard the child. Stay put, get it checked for the virus then go home. I know how awful it is staying on those wards but it’s not worth the risk.

iklboo · 22/06/2020 17:56

Yes they can stop you.

Well obviously not as the OPZ has been home hours.

iklboo · 22/06/2020 17:58

OP

Pansypath · 22/06/2020 17:59

When I was in hospital with two (of my three) in the end I just said I am going to go home now what do you need me to sign and having dilly dallied prior to that they snapped into gear and got the discharge papers ready. Sometimes you just have to take control. Don’t do it by subterfuge. Just ask to speak to the sister and calmly say you are going to leave today and what paperwork do you need. Good luck.

BlindUser · 22/06/2020 18:04

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MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 22/06/2020 18:09

I've reported the above post.

MsMeNz · 22/06/2020 18:15

I know it's horrible but it's only it a day or two don't let it ruin your bonding with bubba X I hate being I hospital too and I recently was in a loop of hopefully tomorrow during an admission. Was stuck on a room with two eledrly ladies with mental issues and inncontaince. Wasn't pleasent.

Sonineties · 22/06/2020 18:43

Hospitals in the UK are shambolic - no doctors around to consult or check with, so orders get given which are followed even when they defy all common sense and clearly observable evidence that the orders are unnecessary and/or not in the patients best interest.

Being charitable one would say it’s because people are scared of getting disciplined or sued for doing the wrong thing without senior permission.

However I suspect it is more often a combination of jobsworth culture, incompetence, short staffing...

ToftyAC · 22/06/2020 18:43

Yay OP! Well done. Now sit back & enjoy.

shergar · 22/06/2020 18:45

I discharged myself & my son from hospital a day early after a csection as I didn’t get a single meal in the previous 48 hours and the ward was hotter than Hades. My son had had phototherapy for jaundice but was better and I promised to bring him daily for review in the hospital clinic and keep him in the sunlight as much as possible. All fine. You’re not a prisoner and can say you’re happy to return if there are any problems with test results (unless there is more to this story and there are mental health or social service concerns about either of your welfare).

user1490954378 · 22/06/2020 18:46

Congrats on your little bundle! You need to put your foot down a bit regarding being told one more night, to make sure it WILL only be the one extra night, but honestly that's all you can really do. You could leave with the baby, but you risk them then making a referral, which definitely is not worth it, for the sake of possibly being there a few more nights. My baby and I were in for a week which at the time drove me totally bananas, and my other babies were also in for a month while I was sent home, so I know what it's like. Your hormones are through the roof too, so it's even more upsetting, but you'll both be home soon, and keep thinking about that Flowers

InfiniteGerbils · 22/06/2020 18:47

Guys, the OP left yesterday Smile