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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can they actually stop me

307 replies

Rosebel · 21/06/2020 10:56

I've been in hospital with pregnancy problems since last Sunday. Had the baby on Wednesday and every day they say I can go home tomorrow but still can't.
They are waiting for a Covid result which might be tomorrow but probably not. This is for the baby not me.
The doctor said they can't let me go but I'm sick of being in hospital. Every day is a reason why I can't go home. Can they actually stop me leaving with my baby?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 21/06/2020 16:50

@YukoandHiro

They can't stop you discharging yourself but they can hold the baby. Hope you're home soon! This is only a short time - shit though it is - and will be over soon. Use it to rest, get all your meals cooked and establish feeding so you have no worries when you're finally out. Ask for a side room if you're not already in one.
Only the police have the legal power to remove a child from the mother without a court order. Hospitals cannot do this.
022828MAN · 21/06/2020 16:53

@Apossibility84

For some reason - this hospital does not want the OP leaving at the moment with her baby.

I suspect that social services may have been called but SS so busy that there is a delay.

If the OP does leave of her own accord with the baby, I suspect there will be consequences.

What a ridiculous speculation.
Nartl0ngNow · 21/06/2020 17:06

It's not prison.
Unless you lack capacity to make decisions (which they would need to apply for) you can always leave.
Discharge yourself.
If they want to confirm results of any kind, they can forward this to your surgery or you can telephone them for an update.
If you're waiting for TTAs, discharge and arrange for someone to collect them on your behalf.
They are keeping you against your will. If you were anywhere else you would call the police, you can still do that in your current location.

Xenia · 21/06/2020 17:07

Also it can help to have some moral support. When we were leaving without hospital consent with the baby my husband was there and 2 of the older children. We also gave them a time limit - if they cannot check the baby over within the next hour in the end then we will be leaving without the check (and at our own risk).

Nartl0ngNow · 21/06/2020 17:08

Did they get your consent to take tests on your baby?
You don't have to consent on any tests, including covid.
Your baby, your body, your choice.

GabriellaMontez · 21/06/2020 17:10

Hope you're home OP.

Ime delays in discharge are often to do with lack of will on the part of the staff.

ohthegoats · 21/06/2020 17:13

I discharged myself and my child, as I just wanted to be at home. Hospital was awful, home was all good. I've only ever been in hospital twice, and have discharged myself both times.

diddl · 21/06/2020 17:15

Anyone in the know-why does it all take so bloody long to leave?

As pp have said, you'd think they'd be glad to get you out of there!

Seems that when it comes to discharging a patient hospitals don't have a connected system!

ohthegoats · 21/06/2020 17:15

if they cannot check the baby over within the next hour in the end then we will be leaving without the check

Yes, that's what I did. Said that my partner was coming to get me at x time, and we were going then. Suddenly the tests all appeared.

NudgeUnit · 21/06/2020 17:17

Based on what you've said, OP, the hospital feel there's value in waiting for the Covid test to come back because if it's positive they'll be able to evaluate his status then and there, including, if appropriate, keeping him in for any treatment needed. If you leave and it then transpires to be positive, they say he can't be readmitted to them but will have to go to the children's hospital instead. Without knowing what provision is like at your NHS trust, it's impossible for us to say whether there's any risk to your baby in that, although you might be able to weigh it up. But it sounds as though your consultant and his team think the obstetric service might be better than the paeds service in that scenario.

If you think the risk of him being positive is low, the risk of him needing readmission is low, or that the likelihood is that the paeds service will do just as good a job for him, then YWNBU to go, especially, as pp have said, given hosital is probably a more likely place for him to pick it (or anything else) up than at home. You are free to leave, and free to take him with you. However, YABU to say they are lying to you. Hospitals operate on their own time schedule and the lab is probably prioritising test swabs from symptomatic patients. Doctors also have an astonishingly ignorant grasp of how a mother being stuck in hospital can tilt home life on its axis. You may be able to push things along by giving them a deadline for when you will go, but if they're swamped with lab work it probably won't work.

In your shoes, and assuming you haven't left any pertinent information out, I would discharge myself, unless someone can give you a clearer steer on why staying in is better.

Home42 · 21/06/2020 17:19

I left with DD. She was supposed to be home birth but we transferred in the last stages of labour as they were concerned about her heart rate. As it was she popped out after 5 minutes inside the hospital and before we’d seen a doctor! That was 8am. I asked to go home and they said to give it a few hours. I asked again in the afternoon and they said the Dr would be along to discharge me in an hour. To cut a long story short I arranged for my husband to come and get me at 11 the next morning and self discharged because they were incapable of getting anyone to discharge me. I warned them I was leaving at 11 and then I informed them when husband arrived and told them I was leaving as I walked out. I think I signed something, they were pissy but I was sick of hospital and neither me nor baby had actually needed any assistance of care at all.

SquigglePigs · 21/06/2020 17:21

I hope you've been allowed to leave OP. And congratulations on your new little boy. Enjoy settling him in at home with your other DC.

Boudicabooandbulldogs · 21/06/2020 17:24

I really hope you are home now. If not please just tell them you are leaving. My best friend was in hospital waiting for a blood test result after having her DS. She waited 5 days patiently. Then after many times of asking just told them she was being picked up in 2 hours. Ten mins before I picked her up they had the results and she could leave without having to sign self discharge papers.
Test results can take ages, especially at a weekend. If this is effecting your MH, please tell the, you are going home tonight. They cannot stop you and cannot keep your baby.

TrickyKid · 21/06/2020 17:26

Well the longer you're there the higher the risk of getting covid. I'd go home.

strawberry2017 · 21/06/2020 17:27

@VeggieSausageRoll

There must be more to it than this. Why are they keeping you both in? They can't get people home quick enough at the moment
I agree with this.
TinyPigeon · 21/06/2020 17:27

Never have I read a comment so full of speculative shit @Apossibility84

Nartl0ngNow · 21/06/2020 17:28

@diddl
A strong combination of right arm doesn't speak to the left leg and short staffing mainly.
Paperwork, medication, checking results, confirming with doctors that there's no further testing they think might be an idea etc.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 21/06/2020 17:32

I hope you've managed to get home OP. There's some really unhelpful, untrue comments on here that won't have made you feel any better. Enjoy your new baby and take care Flowers

northerngal1982 · 21/06/2020 17:38

It's the weekend maybe they have less staff in and want someone else to check baby or yourself that only works Monday - Friday.

meercat23 · 21/06/2020 17:41

@northerngal1982

It's the weekend maybe they have less staff in and want someone else to check baby or yourself that only works Monday - Friday.
That could be true but then surely they could explain this clearly?
0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h · 21/06/2020 17:47

YukoandHiro

Where do you get this from?

Loxley21 · 21/06/2020 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TinyPigeon · 21/06/2020 17:49

That's bollocks @VeggieSausageRoll and @strawberry2017 . I just had my DD 6 weeks ago at the peak of the crisis. My trust allegedly were discharging as quick as possible. It still took hours and hours and overnight and hours and hours to be discharged. The more complex your case the more paperwork needs to be done, the longer the delay. There isn't a doctor on each ward so the doctor must be waited for. If the doctor is busy elsewhere- tough shit. This sounds absolutely normal to me.

Harrysmum2020 · 21/06/2020 17:49

Good luck op nothing to add but a congratulations and hope your home soon Flowers

TinyPigeon · 21/06/2020 17:51

Oh fuck off @Loxley21 that you would make that kind of comment to a vulnerable new mother speaks to the kind of decisions being made when you were raised.

I've reported your comment