Who should walk me down the aisle?

[Deedoubleyou]

Settle in for the backstory....

My mum and dad had me and got married in their teens. The marriage lasted 2 years and my mum and stepdad have been married since I was 5. My dad was quite absent when I was younger and would leave me with my grandparents (who I loved very much) on his access weekends. My stepdad was always there but we had a volatile relationship as he was very stern and had a bad temper.

Fast forward to now and both my dad and stepdad have really stepped up since my daughter was born and I have a great relationship with both of them.

I know that both of them are fully expecting to walk me down the aisle and I just don't know what to do. Either way I'm going to hurt someone I really care about.

AIBU to have both walk me down? Anyone been in a similar postion?

Glad you’ve reached a decision which works for you OP.

I had a similar situation and chose to walk myself down the aisle, saved a lot of aggro.

Christ, it’s 2020.

Are us women still being seen a property to be ‘given away’ by one man to another?

If you want someone to walk with you then either your mum or your DD.

@flighsoffancy
Awww.thats lovely..I like that!

Why not both of them?

I was in a similar situation minus the stepping up. I walked myself. I know my mum would have loved to be asked but it felt like choosing any one of them would hurt the other. Explained I'm a strong independent woman and it was fine. I love the pictures of me walking down the aisle alone, it was absolutely right for me.
My dad still had his speech and my mum did the candle lighting thing and spent the morning with me.

My DB walked me down. Our dad had died 12 years previously.

I’d suggest both of them walk you.

I think your mum, too.

Whoops sorry, should’ve refreshed before I posted.

I walked down myself and I have a great relationship with my dad. I just thought that I have chosen to marry DH, I'm not being given to him. My dad completely understood and we had a great day!

Yep, it's 2020. You are not the property of one (two) man to be given to another man. Awful.

Both/your mum/neither.

I found my wedding to be a good way to fall out with people in a very short period of time when I had naively thought it was going to be a happy family occasion.

It turned out every man, woman and their dog had opinions about exactly what should be done and woe betide if I didn't do it. Despite the fact I was in my mid-30s, a home owner and in a senior management position, it seemed still to mark me making adult decisions about my life in a way other things had not.

Do what you want, it's your and your fiance's wedding. Everyone else will get over it.

Glad you've made your decision OP. Congratulations and have a brilliant day.

I think your decision OP is a good one. I remember hearing about a wedding where this happened. The step dad walked the bride halfway down the aisle and then the dad took over and walked her down the rest of the aisle. The bride wanted this to acknowledge that they were both just as important to her

Glad you have come to a decision that suits you. There is no right or wrong, just make sure your decision is what you want, not just one to keep the peace.

My niece married last year and had her grandfather walk her down the aisle as, even though she gets on well with her dad (my brother) now she is an adult, her grandfather was the make role model there for her while she was growing up. It caused problems at the time, mainly because some of his/my family were mortified by the idea of the truth being shown so publicly. She and her dad had lots of, sometimes painful, heart to heart talks about it and it was good for both of them to acknowledge the past and move on from it. It settled down in time for the wedding and most people were proud of her for standing up for herself and how she felt. Most apologised eventually for their initial superficial reactions.

Strange how a fresh pair of eyes can out things into perspective! Thank you all.

The tradition is less strong than it used to be, which I think is a good thing, and allows you to be flexible. My daughter walked down the aisle by herself (different circumstances, as I'm widowed).
Initially I dreaded it as I thought it would seem so sad for her to be alone. But it was lovely. She almost bounced down the aisle looking so happy and beaming at everyone as she passed by.

@AsCoolAsLangCleg

Are you not capable of walking in a straight line by yourself?

Oh for goodness' sake.

I think the "giving away" thing is really outdated and is a tradition rooted in misogyny and the idea that women are property. I walked down the aisle by myself.

I walked with my son who was six at the time. He was originally going to walk with the other pages but at the last minute I changed my mind. Ir was really lovely.
In this day and age you dont need someone to "give you away".

My niece was in pretty much the same position. Her stepdad, by then divorced from her Mum, collected her from her Mum's house and took her in the wedding car to the church. He brought her in to the bottom of the aisle, where he put her veil back, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and sat down with his family. She then walked up the aisle alone, and her birth father stepped forward, gave her a kiss, and gave her away. It was really lovely.

I'm glad this thread has let you think about what you actually want.

FWIW my husband and I walked down the aisle together. We had a 'first look', which was a lovely private (well, with a photographer) moment. Then we walked in together - it felt important to us that actually, we were literally and metaphorically entering marriage together, not leaving anyone else or being 'given away'.