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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stopping drinking for a while

986 replies

Patbutcherismyhero · 21/06/2020 09:25

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

OP posts:
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5
puzzledpiece · 09/07/2020 12:31

Accept you are alcohol dependent, which is pretty much an alcoholic.

Join Alcoholics Anonymous, you need more help than you can muster yourself.

fluckityfluckfluck · 09/07/2020 12:50

My plan is to bring a bottle of wine (new house visit) and a bottle of sparkling. I told her I'd have to leave early as have shopping being delivered but she's has said she'll walk back to mine with me for a catch up and wine. I have a bottle of non alcoholic Prosecco I can drink... it's just a case of staying strong. Not feeling tempted now but feel awkward about it. Know it will be a big deal and wish that wasn't the case

fluckityfluckfluck · 09/07/2020 12:51

Sparking water I meant in the first sentence not wine Grin

fluckityfluckfluck · 09/07/2020 12:51

Thanks but no thanks Puzzled Hmm

Original poster
Patbutcherismyhero · 09/07/2020 12:59

@puzzledpiece I don't think you belong here.....Hmm

I know I will drink tonight. It's fine. I haven't been to a pub for about 6 months so I'm going to go and enjoy myself, my only plan is to do it in moderation so that I don't make a fool of myself of waste the day being hungover tomorrow.

I have had 3 AF days this week which is a big improvement on how I've been over the past few weeks. I plan to carry on with plenty of AF days but I don't think full sobriety will ever be for me.

OP posts:
Darcysshirt · 09/07/2020 13:18

@puzzledpiece

Accept you are alcohol dependent, which is pretty much an alcoholic.

Join Alcoholics Anonymous, you need more help than you can muster yourself.

Puzzled, it's not your place to make such assumptions, nor are you qualified to do so. The purpose of this thread is to support each other to modify or stop drinking, not to try to attach labels to each other or judge each other.
Darcysshirt · 09/07/2020 13:23

fluckity you can do it, just tell her you fancied a break from drinking.

BoxAndKnife · 09/07/2020 14:48

@puzzledpiece

Accept you are alcohol dependent, which is pretty much an alcoholic.

Join Alcoholics Anonymous, you need more help than you can muster yourself.

Thanks for that judgemental and unhelpful thread-plop, @puzzledpiece.

Feel better now?

If we're giving out the orders, you should read Quit Like A Woman, which is very interesting on why AA isn't necessarily the answer, particularly for women.

BoxAndKnife · 09/07/2020 14:56

@fluckityfluckfluck, it's not easy but the bottom line is that you don't want to have a drink. And you are perfectly within your rights to feel that way, and to expect your friend to be ok with that.

But I know where you're coming from. It's crazy that it's a big deal. I realised the other day that I am actively avoiding contacting one friend in particular, even though she's a single mum who's been pretty low during lockdown and I really should pop round and have a chat. But she is the kind of person who will shriek in horror and badger me to death for not drinking if we meet up (she's absolutely lovely, just quite full-on Grin) and I just cba to deal with that right now.

I feel as if the only way I can 'safely' see her is go round at the crack of dawn, bearing cake and insisting on a cup of tea, otherwise my non-drinking attempt will just become a Big Deal and she'll bludgeon me over the head with a bottle of Oyster Bay until I succumb...

BoxAndKnife · 09/07/2020 15:05

@Patbutcherismyhero, have a lovely evening. You have done great this week, it's about small steps and manageable changes at this point.

Depending on what you usually drink, could you swap it out for something a bit less alcoholic, or a longer drink maybe? I know that if I drink wine, all bets are off, but if I drink eg: lager I can't drink it as fast and I get full up much faster so I get through much less.

Or you could do it the cheapskate way and make sure that your round is always non-alcoholic but not obviously so Grin

AlCalavicci · 09/07/2020 15:08

@Patbutcherismyhero , would you consider a couple of AF drinks at the start of the night. I know not call pubs ( in fact annoying few ) sell AF wine / beer / cider so my go to was always lime cordial and soda . Or if you drink beer have it made into a shandy - white wine in to a spritz with soda .

I go on the thought that this one is AF , but I can have a proper one if I want later.
I can stay on AF most of the night when I know that if I want I can have a proper drink .
It's when I am told I have to stay AF that it gets to me.
That said I am the same at home too , if there is booze in I am fine ( most of the time ) and I can resist it. If I don't have any in I really want it and will go out and buy it and drink more than I would do normally.

I am evidently not wired up right ! Confused

Darcysshirt · 09/07/2020 16:31

AlCalavicci I know what you mean about not wired right. I can have a houseful of booze and ignore it. It's as though I feel I'm OK because it's there if I need it. But if stocks run out I feel a bit "eeek".

OrlandoInTheWilderness · 09/07/2020 17:00

I'm 7 weeks in on Friday and tbh I feel so so much better. I was drinking a bottle of strong red wine (14%) 5 x a week plus a bottle of Weston's 8.2% cider 3x a week. I felt like shit and looked like it.

I barely even think about it now. Last year I survived 10 days sober, this year I just haven't looked back. I'm done with how it made me feel, I'm done with how much I spent on it and I'm so done with how big an impact it had on my life.

Oh - maybe get bloods done. I just say that as I had elevated liver enzymes, indicative of a problem brewing. On last check I'm normal. Yay!

BoxAndKnife · 09/07/2020 18:27

I'm cooking a risotto that's just crying out for a cold glass of white wine, help!

DH has opened a bottle and I've shoved a glass in the stock but I'm feeling pretty tempted to just pour myself a glass, I have to say Confused

puzzledpiece · 09/07/2020 18:32

Then why post in AIBU?

You are clearly being unreasonable to drink to the point of oblivion and drink daily. Surely you realise that @Patbutcherismyhero ?

There is a page dedicated to 'alcohol support' and I think you would have been much better posting there for like minded drinkers who deny they are alcohol dependent, yet need to drink daily to function. An alcoholic isn't always someone lying drunk in the gutter you know?

candycane222 · 09/07/2020 21:05

I'm not sure having a fight is actually compulsory in AIBU, @puzzledpiece

candycane222 · 09/07/2020 21:07

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ohDB5gbtaEQ&feature=youtu.be

MissConductUS · 09/07/2020 21:10

@didyoueverdancewiththedevil

I know this sounds really daft and I can't see any logical reason for not wanting alcohol after teeth cleaning but it seems to work for me.

This works a treat for me with sweets. I love a small sweet after dinner, but then I want another one (or three). Brushing my teeth kills the urge somehow. I'm glad it works for you with alcohol as well.

AlCalavicci · 09/07/2020 21:50

@Darcysshirt ,
I am g;lad I a, not the only one . I guess it is a bit like a safety net isnt it.

@puzzledpiece
I doesnt matter why @Patbutcherismyhero posted in AIBU but I am glad she did , this pages gets most attention than most others and I certainly wouldn't of found the thread had it been posted on the alcohol support thread. .
You sound rather self-righteouse tbh .
So far this thread has been very friendly and supportive with people been honest about the amount they drink and the problems that surround it. None of use need to be told by someone that knows nothing about our personal lives and what has put us in this position to be told we are deluded alcoholics.
And this is just insulting our intelligence
An alcoholic isn't always someone lying drunk in the gutter you know?

puzzledpiece · 09/07/2020 22:02

I'm not sure having a fight is actually compulsory in AIBU

No, but if you ask the question, you are entitled to an honest answer. The honest answer is yes, it is reasonable to stop drinking, if you can't go a day without drinking and get completely smashed to the point of vomiting and suffer anxiety because of it, stop.

Stop normalising heavy drinking. My dad was a heavy drinker, so if I'm self righteous I've earned that t shirt. Heavy drinkers do no one favours.

If you want honest opinions you don't like, ask in aibu. If you want sympathy and support, post on alcohol support. It will get seen there. It's not Timbuktu.

AlCalavicci · 09/07/2020 22:21

It seems you have missed a fair few all of the post on here we are all talking about trying to cut down or quit altogether.
Nobody has said it is right or normal to drink more than we know what is good for us so we are not normalising it.
It sounds like you have had a tough time with others drinking around you and I sympathise , I know from personal experience it is hard to live in a home with that shadow .
I certainly dont want to get into any kind of argument with you but this thread is here now and hopefully staying so we ( or at least I am ) not going to jump ship .

fluckityfluckfluck · 09/07/2020 22:41

I did it! So, there was no offer at wine at dinner (obviously not everyone thinks it's normal to quaff a bottle on a Thursday) and when she came to mine she had wine and I explained I was on a health kick following drinking too much and needing to loose weight post lockdown. She said fair play and didn't mention again. She had a few glasses of wine and I had sparkling water Grin. And I had a lovely time Smile

Darcysshirt · 09/07/2020 23:07

Well done fluckity! I have had some wine, but not loads and am off to bed now.

AlCalavicci · 09/07/2020 23:13

That's brilliant @fluckityfluckfluck it is good to know you were not encourage to drink or are to feel bad or weird for not drinking.
I am glad you had a good time you will hopfully wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Original poster
Patbutcherismyhero · 10/07/2020 02:56

@fluckityfluckfluck you are amazing, well done!

My night went ok. I did drink and am now awake at this hour which isn't good! But I know nothing bad happened, we had fun, I was home at a reasonable hour full of pizza and tomorrow I might be tired but I won't be hungover. I plan to keep the rest of the week AF.

@puzzledpiece I never said I drink to the point of oblivion. I've acknowledged that I've been drinking too much during lockdown and am aiming to cut down on my drinking like lots of other posters here. We are trying to support and encourage one another to achieve personal goals and it's really unhelpful and pretty annoying for someone to jump on the bandwagon purely to throw inaccurate and judgemental labels around. I'm sorry you've had a tough time with booze but please don't project your issues onto others. Does it really matter where I posted? So far this thread has resonated and helped a lot of people. If you don't like what you're seeing please just move along without the bitchy and unhelpful comments.

Right back to sleep for me...!

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