Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this insulting?

16 replies

campfiresburning · 20/06/2020 19:06

Two siblings, in their 40's. One sibling believes the other becomes very trump-like if they disagree and gets personally insulting rather than discussing the actual issue. Other sibling thinks what they say is not insulting and says other sibling is over-reacting. Your opinions will be greatfully received!

Is it insulting to call someone 'cruel' ("I just can't cope with how cruel you are being at the moment")?

YABU - This is definitely an insult
YANBU - Clearly tensions are high, but saying this is not really insulting the other person.

OP posts:
iswhois · 20/06/2020 19:08

It's context I think

There's a difference between saying "you are an evil minded and cruel person"

And "that was quite cruel of you to say"

iswhois · 20/06/2020 19:08

So I guess I think YANBU

Goosefoot · 20/06/2020 19:08

I wouldn't have said an insult, but a dishonest/manipulative way to argue unless the other person is in fact being deliberately hurtful.

Ellisandra · 20/06/2020 19:09

That actually phrase? I’ve only ever heard it from people being faux-sensitive! Oh I can’t believe how cruel you are!

Far more background needed!

If it’s true, it’s an insult but so what?
If it’s not true - then yes, it’s an insult.

Either way it’s an insult, the question is really whether it’s true.

Original poster
campfiresburning · 20/06/2020 19:20

@Goosefoot it does seem to say the other person is being deliberately hurtful which is perhaps quite a thing to say about someone?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 20/06/2020 19:30

My adult DD's are sometimes cruel to each other, they know how to cut each other down in an argument.

So it depends on what's said. Some people are deliberately hurtful to their family members, but accuse the upset person of being sensitive or over reacting.

LegallyBlue · 20/06/2020 19:36

It depends whether the person is being cruel or not... If it's a legitimate observation of their behaviour then it's not an insult (i.e. "you're cruel to leave your dog in the car on a hot day"). If it's being used to manipulate then it's not an insult but is unacceptable (i.e. "I can't believe how cruel you're being for not taking my side"). If it's being used as an insult then it's obviously and insult (i.e. "you're just a cruel person and you always have been").

Sparklesocks · 20/06/2020 19:36

I think it depends on the context. Also if it’s taken as an insult, even if it wasn’t intended that way, it could still upset the other person.

LegallyBlue · 20/06/2020 19:37

And also, just because it's an insult doesn't mean it's necessary unreasonable. If this person is being cruel and is called "cruel", then whether it's insulting or not, it's fair enough to say it.

Original poster
campfiresburning · 20/06/2020 19:40

Hi LegallyBlue - yes totally agree. Sometimes people insult each other with good reason. Still insulting though. I was wondering more whether it is or isn't rather than whether justified (I guess because in reality in a situation which has got heated, both 'sides' could insult the other but whether that actually is fair or helps a conversation is perhaps the issue).

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 20/06/2020 20:03

All of it sounds a bit pathetic really. I don't think calling someone 'cruel' in and of itself is exactly high dramatics or deeply insulting, but context is needed for anyone to say- if they believe it to actually be true for some reason, is it in jest etc.

Comparing someone to Trump, a famously idiotic and hated politician is pretty rude, however and guaranteed to wind someone else up.
All sounds very tiring.

lisajane1966 · 20/06/2020 20:20

@dontgobaconmyheart

All of it sounds a bit pathetic really. I don't think calling someone 'cruel' in and of itself is exactly high dramatics or deeply insulting, but context is needed for anyone to say- if they believe it to actually be true for some reason, is it in jest etc.

Comparing someone to Trump, a famously idiotic and hated politician is pretty rude, however and guaranteed to wind someone else up.
All sounds very tiring.

If he acts like Donald Trump and has the same arrogant attitude, then he is not bothered about his siblings feelings, so yes he is, he is also arrogant and dismissive. Not cruel.
randolph78 · 21/06/2020 13:31

In what was is calling someone 'cruel' not an insult? Whether it's warranted or not is irrelevant to the question of whether it's cruel.

Tlollj · 21/06/2020 13:35

Me and my sister have said much worse than that to each other in arguments.
Not as adults admittedly, but even so it’s hardly insulting.

randolph78 · 21/06/2020 13:40

Tlollj - yes kids arguments can be quite something. Most grow out of them though! How is saying that someone enjoys others being hurt not an insult? Seems like a horrible things to say to me.

megrichardson · 21/06/2020 13:48

Perhaps the siblings should step away from each other if there's a lot of drama between them. Maybe got Low contact or no contact.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread